


Marked

by TypeSomeSenseToMe



Category: John Wick (Movies), Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Action, Age Difference, Alternate Reality, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Angst, Assassin - Freeform, Blood and Injury, Dealing With Loss, Drama, Eventual Romance, F/M, FOLLOW THE DAMN RULES, Guns, Lots of guns, Mild Language, Mutual Pining, Not a Crossover, ONLY THE RULES ARE SACRED, Organized Crime, Pining, RULES OF JOHN WICK UNDERWORLD, Romance, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Star Wars Characters as HUMANS, Unresolved Sexual Tension, hitman - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:08:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 25
Words: 68,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25553326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TypeSomeSenseToMe/pseuds/TypeSomeSenseToMe
Summary: Assassins aren't a myth, and Rey meets a man she calls the Angel of Death.Dual POV. An alternate universe that mingles Star Wars (sequel trilogy) with the underworld from the John Wick movies. This is not a crossover fic.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 265
Kudos: 116





	1. Chapter 1

The first indication that something had gone terrifically awry with this mission was the glimpse of a set of horrified eyes peering over the side of a gutted classic pickup truck.

Kylo Ren cursed silently, the firearm in his right hand still aloft, waiting for the next attack. His eyes darted from one entrance to the other, keenly aware of any movement, his ears picking up on new sound. He knew there were two more targets to be dealt with. Two more dinner reservations to be bought with the gold he had accumulated over his years as a death dealer. Part of the price one had to pay to play the game.

The game was as simple as it was complicated: Survive and get paid to kill. He was damn good at killing. He had been recruited at a young age into a secret society of assassins called the Order. For a twelve-year-old runaway who’d already possessed dark tendencies, the Order took him in and molded him into a thing to be feared. That once scared, wandering boy became Kylo Ren: real life Boogeyman.

He carefully reached under his jacket with his left hand, drawing yet another loaded firearm. The barrels of each gun in his dangerous hands were steady, pointing nearly ninety degrees apart. His eyes were focused straight ahead. Kylo Ren didn’t have to see his target straight on to hit it, and he rarely missed a shot. He heard them both coming.

Trouble was, the unexpected party with the horrified eyes was taking matters into her own hands by drawing out a cell phone. He could hear the number tones as she dialed.

Calling the Guard, no doubt.

Mistake.

Two more shots from each of Kylo’s guns rang out in the cluttered garage, simultaneous, sharp, piercing, final. More blood flowed as the two men were stopped mid-stride and dropped to the cold, dirty cement. Their useless weapons clattered against the floor.

He paused and soaked up the silent vibe coming from the rest of the building, but all he could hear was the unsteady breathing of the girl crouched behind the truck.

He holstered his guns and clenched his jaw. Long strides brought him to the girl’s hiding place. He jerked the cell phone out of her hand to check that the Guard hadn’t been called. She had dialed a partial number, and not even the correct digits. She was closer to ordering a pizza than to calling emergency services.

The girl scrambled sideways along the body of the truck, grease-stained coveralls gathering even more filth. She grabbed up a nearby wrench and held it out as if to defend herself.

Kylo regarded her mutely, jaw still clenched. _What a kriffing mess._ Rules governed the way Kylo operated. One of his personal rules was _No witnesses._

She looked young. Too young. What the hell was she doing in this place?

“How long have you worked here?” he asked, his voice was deep and sounded as if it were being dragged over gravel.

The wrench trembled in her hand, but she didn’t lower it.

“Today’s my first day,” the girl whispered.

_Shit,_ he thought. That would have been some good intel to have before the shooting started.

He’d fulfilled the contract kill on the owner of this fine establishment - a shithole garage, the front for a more sinister operation. Unkar Plutt lay bleeding out in his rathole office and his henchmen were scattered throughout the building with bullets in their skulls. The Cleaners were due any second, and this girl couldn’t be left here alive.

Kylo considered things for a moment. He didn’t want to kill her. He didn’t kill innocent women or children. It wasn’t her fault she had been in the wrong place at the wrong time. The contract from servant Snoke of the High Table made no mention of a girl.

“Plutt hired you?” he asked.

The girl blinked several times, her large eyes were expressive in her sweet face. _So innocent._ She swallowed and nodded.

“He’s dead,” Kylo supplied. He continued to watch her face as it paled even more. The wrench fell to the floor with a ringing clang. He sighed and stepped closer.

The girl gasped and backed farther away from him, her eyes wide and focused solely on Kylo.

He ground his teeth together. He knew he couldn’t kill her, but he didn’t know what to do with her. From behind him, a noise sounded in a deeper part of the garage. Kylo tilted his head slightly to the side, and cursed beneath his breath again.

Another grave miscalculation. It had been years since he’d made these kinds of blunders. There was someone else in the building.

The girl, mistaking his listening for distraction, jumped to her feet and tried to run.

The loud crack of a gunshot rang out and Kylo could taste the twang of black powder burning. He slipped into action, his movements familiar, easy, like well-oiled clockwork. He dropped lower, drawing his left sidearm, and fired on the newcomer who immediately fell dead.

Kylo remained still and listened again. _Time to do a sweep through this shithole._ No more surprises. Plutt must have been expecting the hit.

A hacking cough caught him up short, and he looked back to the girl who had tried to flee. The last dirtbag’s bullet hadn’t missed her. She was struggling to stand, but there was blood, a lot of blood, flowing down the sleeve of her coveralls, pooling where her hand met the cement floor. Her hand slipped through the puddle of blood, and she fell again with a groan and a whimper.

Not dead.

Kylo ground his teeth and growled. He couldn’t kill her. Yet he couldn’t leave her.

He couldn’t let the Cleaners see her, either. If they found her in this condition, she’d be dead and incinerated by sundown.

He stowed the girl’s cell phone in his pocket and picked her up. She was slight in his arms, but everyone seemed slight in comparison to his large frame.

Giant scared, dazed, hazel eyes peered up at him before she went limp in his arms, completely passed out.

Kylo gathered her close as he stomped away from the scene, careful to remain hidden, until he reached his sleek, black car. Once he laid her onto the back seat, he crawled in beside her and assessed her injury.

Left shoulder, entrance wound, no exit.

_Damn it._

He would have to perform a little surgery later.

He grabbed his Medpack and pulled out some gauze. He removed the coveralls down to her waist and began packing the wound and wrapping it up. That would hold her until he got them back to his safe house.

Kylo cleansed the girl’s blood from his hands before stepping out of the back seat and sliding into the driver’s side. The car started with a rumbling purr and he pulled out into the street.

This day did not go the way it was supposed to. Well, it did and it didn’t. The contract had been fulfilled and the men who were meant to be dead were dead.

But this injured girl was not part of the plan.

He tilted the rearview mirror down so he could see her pale face while he drove. Still unconscious, blood-spattered, and beginning to sweat. Little curls of her shiny brown hair fell over her closed eyes and Kylo had the uncommon and unwelcome urge to smooth them back from her brow.

He lasered his focus back onto the highway and cursed everything all the way into the hills where one of his safe houses stood in obscurity.

His second personal rule: _Zero tolerance for sentiment._

He would do well to remember it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Monsters feat. Xeah](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W002AULIYvs)
> 
>   
> Complete playlist for MARKED:  
> [Marked Soundtrack](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W002AULIYvs&list=PLgrxjsa89q-I-01tdKvGzSr5V9hxDJxaG&index=1)


	2. Chapter 2

Rey lost the battle for sleep to a deep grating pain coming from her left side.

Even though she could crack her eyelids open, she couldn’t move. She could only moan in agony. Her limbs were way too heavy for her body. Her head was an immovable boulder. She panted, trying to gather her strength to lift herself, but it was so difficult.

It was dark. She couldn’t see anything.

Panic closed in on her as she tried to remember where she was and what had happened. Why was she in so much pain? Why couldn’t she move? Her right hand closed over a bed sheet and she crushed it beneath her fingers, and that movement told her even her fingers ached.

She could hear herself breathing, almost like a scream for each breath leaving her body, it was so high pitched. Her eyes blindly searched the space around her until she finally locked on to a tiny sliver of light.

She gazed at that light like it was her last hope. Just a tiny slice of brightness coming from under a door to her left.

Seeing that light centered her enough to help her remember. Her first day at her new job as a mechanic in a run-down garage on the south side of Niima. She had only been there several hours, stripping parts out of a classic Syren pickup truck. It was exciting for her to get to work on one. But that excitement had been short-lived.

Loud bangs had distracted her out from under the hood of the truck. It was an odd sound. Not muffled, but not exactly a noise she would hear routinely in a garage. She remembered how she had skirted around to the side of the truck, putting herself between it and a wall that was covered in vehicle parts and grubby tools. She’d crouched down and hid herself when an imposing man dressed all in black stepped into the bay where she had been working. He was tall; his hair was almost black and it fell to his shoulders in thick layers.

And he’d had a gun.

_Kriffing kriff._ He’d had a _gun._

Rey remembered everything then. She had been shot.

She jolted to the side and groaned, remembering the sick thud that had knocked her down and the blood that came after it.

Panic started all over again as she thought about the man all in black and the gunshot and the place she was now.

_Where was she?_

She found the strength to jerk the sheet away and slide to the edge of the bed she was on. She trembled with the effort it took to drop her feet over the side to the floor. Her left shoulder and her back and her neck were killing her.

_Who brought her here?_

The man in black said he’d killed Unkar Plutt, had he tried to kill her too?

Rey fought her way to her feet, sweating, hurting, and stumbled to the crack of light she could see. She pushed the door wide to a narrow hallway lit by a single, dingy bulb. There were other closed doors and a single exit leading out of the hall. She slowly went for the way out.

Laboring with every breath, she braced her right hand along the wall to help hold herself upright. The hallway emptied out into a small open den and kitchenette. Rey stopped at the edge of the wall and looked for a phone. She didn’t know where her cell phone had gone.

No landline. Nothing much of anything but a kitchen table, one chair, a squat couch in the den and a coffee table.

She shuffled to the kitchenette to get water, because all of a sudden, thirst was overriding everything else.

She banged around the cabinets in search of a cup or a glass, finally finding one farthest away from the sink. She ended up dropping the cup several times before she sat it down in the basin and turned the tap on to fill it.

The water was running coolly down her throat when someone else stepped into the open room. Rey’s focus on the water vanished and her hand went limp. The cup fell from her fingers and landed with a wet slap onto the cracked linoleum beneath her feet. Water trickled to her naked toes.

At that moment, cognizance came to her with burning clarity because she didn’t have much of anything on. Just a bloody bra and blood spattered panties.

The man all in black was staring at her without expression.

Fear ran cold and icy through her veins and breath became a heaving thing in her lungs.

“You…” she started, wheezing. “You tried to kill me.” There wasn’t much volume to her voice. A wheeze was all she could muster. She wrapped her right arm protectively across her trembling body.

All Black clenched and unclenched his fists, then came toward her. Large, dominating, and dark as sin as he closed in on her.

Frightened, she backed into the cabinets behind her, the wheezing out of her lungs remained at an unnaturally high pitch.

The man stooped low and picked up her dropped cup and tossed it into the basin with a pale hand. Rey flinched at the sound the cup made when it hit the sink.

“I didn’t shoot you,” he said as his eyes drifted over her slight form, finally landing on the gauze wrapped around her left shoulder. “Took me a while to get the bullet out.” His voice was deeper than she remembered.

Rey gazed up at the stupidly tall man, at a loss for words. And at a loss for anything else, as her stomach promptly emptied its contents right at the feet of the man all dressed in black.

Throwing up made everything hurt worse and her eyes watered. Rey heard the man curse as he stepped out of the way. It was mostly fluid that had come up. She’d never had the chance to eat lunch the day before, and she’d been working or unconscious the rest of the time.

She braced herself against the counter and cabinets as she watched him clean up her mess with some rags that he tossed into a bin that already contained bloody rags. Her stomach remained unsettled. She covered her mouth with a shaky hand and breathed deeply.

The man washed himself up and then grabbed a bottle of painkillers from a large black duffle by the little couch. He cracked it open and poured out a few pills. Taking a freshly rinsed cup, he sat it on the counter with only a few sips of water in the bottom of it.

“Take these,” he ground out. “For the pain.”

Rey didn’t want to take anything this man had to give her. But she was hurting so badly, and there was no one else to help. Her right hand shook as she held it out for the pills. His big hand dwarfed hers when he clasped it and cupped his hand under hers to help guide it to her mouth so that the pills didn’t spill onto the floor. She sipped the water next to swallow down the pills.

When all that was done, they watched each other. He probably watched her to see if she was going to puke again. She watched him to make sure he wasn’t going to draw a gun on her. She swayed on her feet, and she knew that her knees weren’t going to hold her up much longer.

He sighed finally and said, “Go to bed. You need a few more hours of rest. That’s all I can give you.”

“Well, I don’t want anything from you,” she snapped and turned her eyes away from him.

He didn’t respond, but he did grip Rey’s good arm, very gently, as if he was afraid he’d hurt her. She resisted, but she was weak and it was pointless against his size and strength.

His hand was warm, too big, and she was much too aware of his skin on hers as he helped her back to the tiny bedroom where she’d awoken. He helped her ease back onto the pillow, even as a keening moan escaped her throat.

She saw his jaw clench as he pulled the sheet over her.

“Who are you?” Rey found sense enough to ask the man after she had a moment to relax. She didn’t know what to make of him or what was happening to her. Her brain wouldn’t let her process much. 

In the dim light of the room, the man’s eyes cut to hers, so dark, but alive like burning embers. She couldn’t tear her gaze from his.

“I’m nobody,” he said low and quiet before he withdrew like a fading shadow and left her alone in the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Hurricane by Fleurie](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZcf3oXfz5k)


	3. Chapter 3

Light from the poorly shaded window woke her a few hours later when the morning came.

Rey stared up at the ceiling and ruminated on the things that had happened to her.

Her few friends didn’t like that she’d taken that job at Unkar Plutt’s garage. They’d warned her about Plutt’s shady dealings, but she’d needed the money. A job was a job. Well, _guess what?_ The job no longer existed, so they got their way, didn’t they.

And she’d been shot there. Shot. With a gun. There was a _hole_ in her _shoulder._

And there was a scary man who had taken her to his weird old house. She sniffed the stale, dusty air.

Rey’s eyes trailed across the cobwebs in the corners and down the smudged wall to a dirty light switch, and below that, to a chair. Her grungy coveralls were folded on the seat. Her boots were there too. Worn out, ill-fitting, with mismatched shoelaces, the boots were a find she’d scavenged from a dumpster. She’d had to scavenge a lot of things in her past, much to her shame and humiliation.

She was still in a lot of pain but not the nauseating kind. She eased upright and tested the range of motion in her shoulder without lifting her left arm. Spotty at best. Painful.

She was able to get out of bed without much fuss and grabbed hold of the coveralls. Her shirt and jeans were there too, the blood had been rinsed out of them. But there wasn’t much to be done about the bullet holes.

It occurred to Rey, just then, there were things she would need to pick up at the garage. Her keys and her speeder bike. She had a bag in the break room locker she’d picked out for herself. She didn’t have much of anything, but she needed that stuff.

Then she remembered that there were dead bodies inside the garage.

She shuddered. She didn’t know if she could handle dead bodies at this hour of the day.

Rey finished dressing, even though it took a while, and she’d have preferred a shower or a hot bath before throwing on clothes, but she didn’t want to do that in this strange house.

She rested against the wall for a moment to catch her breath.

A wave of embarrassment washed over her because it was Mr. Nobody who had undressed her, tended her wound, fished out a bullet from her shoulder, and it appeared that he had cleaned her clothes.

She didn’t know how to process all that in its proper context. She couldn’t really imagine him doing those things. For all his scariness, the man had a nice face—

Rey killed that thought on the spot, berating herself for thinking something so ridiculous. The Angel of Death probably had a nice face, but he was _still the kriffing Angel of Death._

Nope. Not going there.

She slowly stepped out into the den area only to come up short. The man in black was there, guns of many varieties laid out on a wide black cloth, and he was in the process of cleaning them meticulously. His hands moved methodically and without flair, practiced, like he’d done this sort of thing millions of times. He finished with one gun and put it down on the cloth before grabbing another, a long rifle, and going over it with painstaking attention.

_So many guns._

What kind of person or profession would even require…

She paused before stepping further into the room.

“What are you doing with all those guns? You weren’t trying to rob the place yesterday. Who are you?” she asked him again.

The man, who was still in all black clothing, smoothed a cleaning cloth along the barrel of the rifle.

He stopped what he was doing but didn’t look at her.

“The less you know, the better off you’ll be,” he grumbled.

Rey considered that.

She’d seen him kill two men at once without even looking at them. She knew he was dangerous. She knew he was deadly. Maybe that’s all she needed to know.

Rey shuddered and nodded without looking at the man and walked to the kitchenette and found that there was a little food and more pills set out on the counter.

She glanced back to the man, but he was busy disassembling the rifle.

He’d killed, but he’d still taken care of her.

Why?

Rey didn’t understand any of it. She wanted answers, but sometimes answers cost much more than they were worth.

Her stomach growled then. She started nibbling on the plate of food, and took more of the pills to help ease the dull ache that went from her fingertips all the way to the top of her head.

By the time she had finished the plate left for her on the counter, the man had packed all the guns away into some sort of case. It was large and sleek and held a lot of firepower.

Rey eyed him and wondered if he wore all black for a reason. Like the Grim Reaper. Like the _Angel of Death._

But he had saved her life, she supposed. She could have died yesterday.

In that moment, the knowledge that she had come so close to death hit her hard. The breath slowly left her body as her eyes returned to the man.

He hefted the case and moved it to the door, leaving it there, ready to move out when the time came.

Rey swallowed and gathered up a little courage. “Do you have a name?”

The man’s gaze tracked directly to hers. His eyes were an unfathomable brown. More intense than any other eyes she’d looked into. She tried not to flinch as she stared back.

His jaw worked to the side, and his lips parted before coming back together in a tight line. “Kylo,” he said. He stared at her for another beat and then went back to gathering his things.

“Kylo,” she tested his name out on her tongue. It didn’t suit him. But then, she didn’t know him, did she.

“I’m Rey.”

Kylo didn’t acknowledge that he’d heard her. He went about his work, even cleaning up the plate she’d eaten from in the kitchenette.

Rey shifted unsteadily on her feet, the pain meds taking some of the tension out of her body. Kylo noticed and led her over to the grubby couch. So gentle. He helped her to sit. She was already sweating with the slightest effort.

He left the house, taking the large case and a tied garbage bag. He came back a few minutes later, grabbing up the huge black duffle.

He left again.

When he came back, he looked straight at her, hands on his hips. He seemed even larger and more intimidating that way.

“Let’s go.”

Rey tilted her head back, regarding the man that had dispatched human life so easily and without remorse. “I need my cell phone, and all the things I left back at the garage.”

Kylo looked off to the side and shook his head once. “You can’t go back there.”

She huffed a pained breath. “I have to. My speeder and my bag is there. And I think my cell is there.”

Kylo’s generous mouth flattened out. There was black facial hair on his chin and upper lip. Soft-looking.

“I destroyed your sim card. And you can’t go back to that garage. Everything there now belongs to the new owner.” He pulled her useless phone from his pocket and tossed it onto the couch beside her.

Rey’s mouth hung open in disbelief as she listened. She picked up her phone and stared at it. “But my things! What about my bike? That’s mine.” The speeder was something she'd toiled over; built with her own hands. Something she had earned.

“Not anymore,” he growled back. “Now, let’s go. I don’t have a lot of time to burn.”

“Go where?” Rey asked as she struggled to stand.

Kylo dropped a pair of sunglasses down over his eyes as he waited for her by the door.

“That depends entirely upon you,” his voice lowered as she drew nearer. He raised a black clad arm to block her exit.

She stopped cold, way too close to him now.

“On what?” she whispered.

“On whether or not you can keep your mouth shut.”

She glared up at the glossy black shades hiding his eyes, extremely uneasy about what was coming next.

“You go to the Guard for help, you’ve already messed up. You saw what happened to those thugs at the garage? That will be you. You step foot in that garage? Same thing. You. Dead.”

Rey reeled back, gritted her teeth. “You’re just threatening me to make me comply.”

Kylo’s arm dropped away from the doorjamb.

“Make you?” he asked, the very corner of his mouth lifted queerly. “I don’t need to threaten you. I’m only telling you the truth. You want to survive? You don’t go back. You don’t tell anyone what happened. Not even about this,” he finished as he lightly tapped her left shoulder.

“Or you’ll kill me like you did those other men?” she asked. Her head was hurting so badly.

“Not me,” he quipped cryptically.

Indignation drained away from her but ominous foreboding remained.

He tilted his head for her to move forward because she was lingering too long. He closed up the house and pointed her toward a dilapidated garage.

The sun beat down on her head, and she squinted, noticing the wiry shrubs around them. It appeared that they were still in the Jakku desert, but at a higher altitude.

Kylo opened the door to an armored all-terrain vehicle and waited for her to get inside. The engine was humming softly and the interior offered instant relief from the inhospitable desert heat.

Rey took a good breath of the cool air and thought about what Kylo had told her as he navigated over a cracked desert road.

Can’t go back. Her speeder bike, gone. Her bag with her documents and the last of her cash, unreachable.

But she was alive, and she had Kylo to thank for that, at least. As a matter of fact, she hadn’t thanked him.

Rey leaned back into the seat and turned her head toward Kylo, watching as he steered the vehicle through the loose dirt of the desert road.

“I should thank you,” she began.

Kylo instantly tensed behind the wheel, the knuckles on his large hands went white.

“No, I am thankful. You saved my life—”

He cursed under his breath and Rey just stared, wondering what his problem was. He reached a long arm behind the seat and pulled out a gun.

Rearing back toward her door in shock, she said, “What are you doing?”

“Get down. Now! We’ve got company, and not the friendly kind.”

Just then Rey heard popping noises in the distance. Her eyes caught sight of another vehicle coming at them from the desert.

“They’re shooting at us,” she pointed out stupidly.

Kylo only growled and stomped harder on the accelerator. He put the gun on the bench between them and then reached for another.

Rey sank lower in her seat.

“Can you shoot?” he asked then. Bullets were beginning to ping off the side of the all-terrain.

“What? A gun?” Rey stared in horror at the firearms laying between them.

“Kill or be killed, woman. Don’t you dare hesitate,” he savagely growled at her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Will I Make It Out Alive feat. Jessie Early](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68mL-gP67WA)


	4. Chapter 4

Panting now, Rey’s hand shook as she tentatively picked up one of the handguns

Kylo couldn’t explain to her that she’d landed in a situation that she couldn’t possibly understand.

_Damn Hux and this damn rivalry._ He could do without a challenge today.

Of course, Hux wouldn’t be in the other vehicle. No, this asshole was a hired gun sent by him. Armitage Hux had been trying to get rid of Kylo for over a year now. Contract killing was a competitive field. As an assassin, you were either the best, or you weren’t Kylo Ren, and that shit had been eating at the wormy puke since he’d learned Kylo’s name.

Kylo knew Hux was only trying to throw him off his game. Hell, maybe even the Order had sent him to get rid of Kylo. He’d been in the game for almost twenty years. Maybe the Order was testing to see if he really was at the top of the food chain.

More bullets pinged off the side of the vehicle as Kylo sped closer to the aggressive oncomer. The desert became more rough and the AT skittered and rocked.

Rey remained crouched under the passenger dash, a gun now in her hand. He hoped she didn’t have to use it. But he knew people’s instincts would kick into action and they would do amazing things just to stay alive. He’d been surprised many times witnessing someone’s sheer will to live, the feats they pulled off, the strength they found—even if it was their last moments. Kylo had surprised himself a few times when it had seemed like the end for him.

He never had passengers while he worked. Never really had to worry about someone else being in his way or there being someone other than himself that he was trying to keep alive.

Kylo wasn’t the type of man who worried. But he didn’t want this girl to get hurt again, either. With that in mind, he knew it was time to change the odds.

He cranked the wheel to the right and revved the engine for speed. There were hills in the desert that would work to his advantage. He sped over several, gaining speed and distance, finally coming to a skidding stop behind a dune and farther away from the trajectory path he had taken. He flipped back the cover on his case in the rear seat and drew out a long gun. Large bore. A huge bark and a kriffing big bite.

Kylo stepped out and positioned the long gun to rest over the top of the cab of the AT. He waited, listening for the whine of the other vehicle. As it drew closer, the driver misjudged the size of the dune and went airborne just in the sights of Kylo’s long gun.

Aiming for the fuel tanks and bracing himself for the kicking recoil and the blasting sound, Kylo pulled the trigger. The chunky calibre bullet flew true and fireworks lit the sky over the dune as the hired gun’s vehicle burst into flame.

He put the long gun back into the case and holstered a handgun at his side, opting to carry a shotgun to the burning wreckage.

First, Kylo paused and looked down into the AT, searching for the girl’s eyes. Her hands were covering her ears, even though she still gripped the handgun.

“Be back in a minute,” he told her.

Picking his way carefully across the sand and scrub bushes, he peered into the charred vehicle, checking that all occupants were dead. Kylo despised this shit. He didn’t get paid for these kills. There was only one reason for these kinds of attacks: depleting resources.

_Kriffing Hux._

Kylo circled the wreckage once more and, satisfied all was at rest for the moment, stalked back to his own AT.

After putting away his guns, he sat down in the driver’s seat and leaned his head back on the rest, rubbing just above his right pec where the recoil from the big gun had hit.

He could use about forty hours of sleep, but that was a luxury he couldn’t afford right now. He would sleep when he was dead. There were days when he actually looked forward to dying.

Rey had shifted back into the passenger’s seat and was gazing at what had gone down on the dune.

“Does this sort of thing happen to you all the time?” she asked.

“No,” he breathed. “Not all the time.”

Kylo cracked an eyelid when he heard a funny noise. Muffled at first, but then it grew louder and more distinct.

Laughter.

The girl was laughing. He raised his head and stared.

She was reaching the point of hysterical when she suddenly stopped and said, “It’s not funny.” She hiccupped. “Not funny at all.” Her wide eyes slowly found his. “You’re a professional killer.”

Kylo did not indicate whether she was right or not.

But she wasn’t done. “You’re a hitman. An assassin. I thought this sort of thing was all a myth.”

Kylo merely blinked behind his shades.

“You’re a monster,” she finally whispered.

He did react to that. He gritted his teeth and turned away.

“Yes, I am.”

\---

Rey bit her lip to stop the flood of either more hysterical laughter or hysterical sobbing. The pain meds must be making her loopy.

She realized she still held a gun and promptly set it down beside her.

She couldn’t shake the words he’d shouted at her earlier.

_Kill or be killed. Don’t you dare hesitate._

Could she do that? Could she kill without hesitation? Would she ever have to? Kill or be killed was a figure of speech she had applied in her own life growing up, but not in the literal killing to death sense. Kids had to get tough and roll with the punches or get humiliated or knocked out. Not get knocked dead.

Her eyes dropped down to the gun again. It was too big for her hand. She flexed her fingers, remembering the rough texture of the grip on her palm. She didn’t like the sensation of it, the heavy weight of it. Had that gun been used to kill someone?

The horrors kept piling up in her mind.

So much adrenaline had pumped through her during the chase through the desert, it was all starting to catch up with her now.

She slumped back in her seat, mindful of the bullet wound, and sighed deep enough to empty her lungs completely.

Kylo began driving again and she briefly wondered where he was taking her.

The man was a machine. The way he had planned his attack on the spot, the way he moved, and reached for exactly what he needed to dispatch someone _who was shooting at them,_ trying to _kill_ them...

She didn’t mean to call him a monster. She shouldn’t have said that. She didn’t know him. She only knew that he had protected her. Again.

Even a crooked stick could be used to draw a straight line in the sand.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered as she drifted off into a drug induced sleep. “I’m sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Pull That Trigger feat. Fleurie](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqMQK6b4zNI)


	5. Chapter 5

Rey jerked upright as the AT bounced back onto a road leading to civilization. Dozing against the window only served to stiffen up all the muscles in her back and neck. She groaned as she reached up to her left shoulder with her right hand.

“Bad?” Kylo asked her while he sat cool and comfortable behind the wheel, in full control of all his faculties.

“Everything hurts,” she complained softly. Rey had never thought of herself as a complainer before. She supposed getting shot in the back gave her the right, just this once.

“Where do you live?” her Angel of Death asked.

Rey told him and she knew it was a good twenty minute drive from their current location. She silently tried to process the past day’s events.

“What happens now?” she asked, not exactly expecting an answer. She had no clue what to do next beyond a bath and clean clothes.

“You go back to your life. Your friends, your family. Be as vague as you possibly can. Move on,” Kylo said to her, like it was a simple task.

Rey blinked. Friends, she had only a few. Family, she had none, or if she did, they had never come for her. Move on? There wasn’t anything left in Niima to move on to. Her cell phone now lay dead on the floor at her feet. She had no form of transportation. If she tried to go get her speeder back, Kylo already said she was as good as dead. Her job was gone, and she refused to even think about the other repulsive career opportunities Niima offered up for girls like her. She only foresaw bleak days ahead.

“What about you?” she asked, sneaking a glance at Kylo’s profile. She wasn’t sure why she even asked him anything.

His mouth went a little funny, almost forming words he didn’t speak out loud. He shut his mouth tight before he replied, “The game never stops.”

Rey stilled and thought about what he’d just said. “This is a game to you?”

“The object isn’t winning, the object is to stay in it as long as you can.”

_Never stops._ Killing, getting shot at. It never stopped for Kylo. She shivered, unable to imagine what that entailed for his life, the utter brutality of it all. Was he happy with it? Did he enjoy… _killing_ people?

“I know what you’re thinking,” his low voice cut smoothly through her quiet musings. She sat up and gave him her full attention, unsure if she was ready to hear what he had to say.

“Death,” he began, “is nothing personal. Someone has to wipe the slate clean and restore balance,” Kylo said, facing her for a moment. “Might as well be me.”

Something interesting clicked inside her mind. Not that she could fathom it completely or approve, but maybe understand him, just a little.

“Bad guys,” Rey whispered. “You kill bad guys.”

His cheek seemed to twitch for half a second.

“You went after Unkar Plutt.”

Kylo gave her another quick side glance and pressed his lips together. She thought of all she knew about Unkar Plutt, which wasn’t a great deal of information, but she did know that he was vile. Definitely a criminal. She didn’t know what kind of shady stuff the gross blob of a man had been into, but she wouldn’t be surprised if it was bad.

She couldn’t help but regard Kylo for a few more moments while he was distracted by driving. If he only went after bad people, did that make what he did better? She wasn’t so sure about that.

How did he get involved in this _game?_

He was a puzzle to her. Even the way he looked caused her to consider him in different ways, because he did not possess a classically handsome face. His looks were too interesting to call handsome. His nose was a little large, but it didn’t take away from what she had decided earlier. He had a nice face. And he had nice hair. Luxuriant was the only word she could come up with to describe his black hair.

And he was a badass. And he was a killer who killed bad guys. And she really shouldn’t find anything about that, or him, admirable.

She fixed her eyes back on the road and decided not to think about his nice face anymore.

Rey pointed out the street where she lived and as they got closer, a great pillar of dark smoke could be seen billowing upward through the bright blue sky. The drive up to the old, rundown bungalow she shared with her friends Teedo and Meru was crowded with service vehicles and fire trucks. 

Her heart pounded. “That’s my house.”

All that smoke was coming from the burning ruins of the place she’d called home since leaving the orphanage.

\---

Kylo stopped the AT in the road and removed his sunglasses.

Rey was panting and blindly reaching for the latch on the door.

He didn’t like this. Something was amiss.

Kylo Ren knew the rules. Knew them better than anyone. And he knew that _actions had consequences._ He’d taken the girl from the kill site. He’d left her belongings and her blood at the scene. And today, her house was burning.

Against better judgement, against every code he’d set in place for himself and against every code set in place by the Order, he knew he couldn’t let the girl run out of the AT and into a situation that would be deadly for her. His rusted heart lurched in an unfamiliar and unsettling way.

He cursed and grabbed Rey’s hand, swallowing it with his own. She swung wide eyes back to him, her mouth open in silent protest. Every time he saw those eyes filled with panic, it was a kick to his gut. He held on to her hand and pulled her away from the door.

“What are you doing?” she wailed. “Teedo and Meru... My friends! That’s my house!”

Kylo shook his head, eyeing the smoke. “This wasn’t an accident.” He surveyed the people milling around. Any one of them could be on Rey’s trail. “We have to leave. Now.”

He pulled away from the curb as Rey slapped the passenger window in outrage and frustration and grief. His mind began to cycle through scenario after scenario of his next move in the game. There would be concessions he would need to make. Calculations involving two people now. Kylo could never say that he had friends, only associates or peers, some who owed him favors, some who would rather he be dead. No one in whom he could trust absolutely.

Gold, on the other hand, bought many loyalties, and Kylo had a lot of it. There would be a new payment waiting for him at the Bank of the Core over in Coruscant, and then he would drive them up to Nymeve Lake. He could regroup there, purchase supplies for the both of them.

It only came to his notice, then, that he’d yet to let go of Rey’s hand. Her little fist was balled up inside of his. He didn’t know what made him do it, but he slid his thumb between her fingers and massaged her palm with a slight pressure. It was a nice sensation, but he slowly pushed her hand back into her lap.

She sniffed and wiped her right hand across her eyes.

What was he thinking? He needed to get her to her family. She’d only mentioned her friends earlier.

“Where does your family live?” he asked her.

She remained silent for a short while. Sniffed again.

“There’s no one. I’ve never had any family.”

Kylo let out a short breath. “There isn’t anyone else waiting for you?” No man in her life? He left that last part unspoken as he drove on. There were many miles to cover to get to Coruscant.

She let out a watery chuckle. “No,” she said, her voice wavered slightly.

Silence filled the cab of the AT. The only sound was the rumbling hum of the engine and the tires on the road beneath them leading away from the Jakku province.

“You know,” she spoke up after a while. “The first thing I was looking forward to when I got home was a hot shower. And something clean to put on.” Her right hand came up in a slightly uncertain gesture before it slapped back to her knee. Then her eyes whipped over to him, and Kylo caught a glimpse of something new in her expression.

Anger.

Fire.

“Then I was going to try to put my life back in order. Try to find a new job. But before that, I would have to get all new documents. Do you know how difficult that’s going to be now? Because I have nothing to identify myself. Thanks to you,” she growled.

Kylo sat back straighter in his seat, gripping the wheel with both hands. Yes, she had a right to be angry. Her life was forever changed because of the events of yesterday, and, yes, he supposed he was partly to blame. He could feel every bit of her anger and frustration she directed at him in that moment. It came at him like a scorching wall of heat from her side of the AT.

“You’re the reason I got shot. You’re the reason my friends,” she paused and released a wheezing whimper. “Now my friends are probably dead, are you the reason for that, too?” she finally gritted out, sounding completely tortured.

Too late, Kylo remembered the gun that still lay on the bench between them. She dragged it over with her weakened left hand and gripped it in her right. Her aim was directly on him, even though the firearm wasn’t steady in her hold.

His eyes switched between her and the road for many heavy and long seconds.

“Rey,” he spoke her name softly. He wasn’t afraid for his life, but he did know fear in that moment, because he suddenly became afraid _for_ her. If he died… she wouldn’t make it far on her own.

Kylo slowed the AT enough to pull over to the side of the road and then he watched her struggle within herself. He knew that struggle so well. He dealt with it every day.

“You’re not alone anymore.” As he said the words, he surprised himself because it was true. He didn’t know how or why, yet, but for Rey, he was giving her the truth. He met her eyes, waiting, wanting to get through the blinding haze that had come over her. Her face was red, eyes hot and loaded with unshed tears, her lips pulled back baring gritted teeth. He got to see deep into her character in those tense moments.

Rey was small, but she was mighty.

His heart pounded, which was still feeling rusty and uncomfortable, as he reached slowly to put his hand on top of the gun. He met her eyes again. He swallowed hard at all the emotion he could see bottled up inside her.

“Rey,” he whispered. Her brow slowly slackened over her eyes, and she blinked several times, her mouth dropping open as the first hot tears started to fall.

Wet eyes flashed in horror between his and the gun between them. She immediately let it go and Kylo laid it aside.

She tried to retreat into the corner of the door and her seat. Instead of letting her withdraw, he pulled her into his side and held on. Her face fell somewhere below his chest and right shoulder.

Her clenched fist hit his sternum with a small amount of force, but then all the fight went right out of her.

Kylo held her gently as the rest of her pent up emotions drained away with her tears until she was limp at his side. He buried his face in her hair and just breathed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [There's a Hero In You feat. Fleurie](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0O3cts9uPLc)


	6. Chapter 6

Rey awoke to an eyeful of a black, soft material smashed against her face that her fist was currently crushing.

Stretched across the bench seat, she had been using Kylo’s thigh as her pillow.

Trying not to make things more awkward than they already were, she let go of his shirt and moved to raise herself up, only to find that Kylo’s arm was laid across her side. His large hand was cupping her hip, and she didn’t know what to do with that.

Kylo noticed her movements and immediately removed his hand to the steering wheel. Rey sat up and put as much distance between them as she could manage. She couldn’t look at the man beside her. She was extremely embarrassed and still horrified that she’d pointed a gun at him. She shouldn’t have done such a thing. Yes, Kylo was a cold-blooded killer, but that wasn’t her. There was no excuse for her behavior.

He’d told her that she wasn’t alone anymore. She wouldn’t admit to herself that those soft spoken words had lit a spark of hope within her. She had been alone in so many ways for so long. Teedo and Meru had been her friends in the orphanage they’d survived through to adulthood. They had all agreed to help each other on the outside. Now, she was afraid they were gone. And it was her fault. Not Kylo’s fault, like she’d accused. If she had never taken that job at Unkar Plutt’s garage like Meru had begged her not to, then maybe things would be different today. There was nothing she could do about it now.

Their surroundings had changed while she’d slept. No longer were they in the burning desert, but now Kylo maneuvered the AT through a bustling city. Rey marveled at all the sleek people and state-of-the-art vehicles. All the well-kept, imposing buildings and clean roads and sidewalks. She’d never been outside Jakku province, so this was a whole new world to her.

“Where are we?” she asked.

“Coruscant.”

How long had she been sleeping? It had to have been hours and hours.

“We’ll stop here for the night. I have some business to attend to and then we’ll get food and some new clothes for you.”

“For the night? We’re going someplace else, after?” she asked.

Kylo glanced over to her, his black and silver sunglasses covering his eyes once again. “I don’t stay in one place for very long.”

Rey thought about that. Assassin stuff, no doubt. And then she thought about the “we” part of the conversation. How had she so quickly accepted herself and Kylo as being a “we?”

She raised her eyebrows at the drastic changes that had taken place in the last twenty-four hours. Outrageously drastic.

The first stop Kylo made was to a bulky multi-level stone building that had _Bank of the Core_ carved above revolving glass doors which reflected crystalline sparkles when the light hit them just right.

“Be back in a minute,” he said to her. Then he paused again. “Keep the doors locked.”

He was gone in a big black blur, and Rey watched him cross the busy street to the bank. He walked with a powerful stride.

She turned away and relaxed into her seat. She caught a whiff of her day old clothes and daydreamed about something clean to wear. Her stomach started to complain then. She’d not eaten since that little plate of food Kylo gave her that morning, but that was okay. She didn’t think she could handle much under the circumstances. She poked around the gauze on her left shoulder and winced when she pressed on the wound. That needed to be tended to as well.

Kylo was back in less than ten minutes with a case in his hand. He slid into the driver’s seat and put the small case onto the bench behind them.

“What’s that?” Rey asked, unable to curb her curiosity.

Kylo’s mouth worked for a second before he pressed his lips together again. He reached back and grabbed the case and sat it between them. He had to turn a three-ring combination lock in order for it to open.

Rey slid closer and looked over the lid of the case.

Her gasp seemed to suck all the air out of the interior of the AT.

Gold coins. There were a lot of gold coins in the case. It was unlike any kind of money she had ever seen. The coins were large and marked with strange icons. Something odd about the design sparked a sense of recognition in her, but she couldn’t place where she’d seen it before.

“What is all this gold for?”

He regarded her carefully. “I get paid extremely well for what I do.”

She blinked over at him. _Unreal,_ was all she could think.

Kylo gathered a large handful of coins from the case and shoved them into a pocket. Then he closed the case and put it away.

Rey watched it all, eyes wide.

A quarter hour later, Kylo stopped outside a small, unassuming building with an uninteresting sign that advertised _Rafa’s Laundry._

Kylo turned to Rey but before he could speak she held up a hand and said, “I know. Be back in a minute. Keep the doors locked.”

He laid his sunglasses on the dash and just stared at her for a few seconds. Then he reached into the back of the AT for the garbage bag and took it with him into _Rafa’s Laundry._

This time, Rey could see what was happening through the large windows.

Kylo stood at the counter and tapped a little metal bell. A small woman with short dark hair appeared and Kylo said something to her. She pulled out a long ledger book from under the counter and flipped several pages into it. She took a writing utensil from behind her ear and said something back to Kylo. He then pulled the coins from his pocket and one by one counted them out onto the book the woman had lying open. She marked something each time a coin hit the page. Before he threw down the last coin, he held up the black garbage bag. The woman listened to something else Kylo said then put her hand out to him. He laid the final coin into her hand and she slipped it into her pocket after hefting its weight. She took the garbage bag over the counter and slammed the book closed.

Kylo turned and left.

Rey catalogued every little thing she had seen, so curious about it all. Was the garbage bag actually laundry? What were all the coins for? She’d counted every coin Kylo had tossed down, and nine gold coins seemed like a lot for such a small amount of clothing to be cleaned, because the bag hadn’t even been full, nor did it look heavy.

Kylo slid back into the AT and started to reach for his sunglasses. It was getting to be evening, the sun was no longer glaring. But he pulled up short when he found Rey looking at him with another curious expression.

“I know,” he said. “What was in the bag?” He cocked a straight black eyebrow up.

Rey nodded, on the very verge of finding this exchange amusing.

He cranked the AT to life and pulled away from the lot. “Garbage.”

“Garbage,” she repeated.

His black-stubbled chin tilted downward.

She huffed. “You paid that woman nine coins to take your garbage.”

“I paid her one gold coin to take my garbage.”

Rey scrunched her eyebrows at him, waiting for more information, but she knew she’d be waiting for a long time. Forever, probably.

“But, why?” Rey asked, as if she had some vested interest in his affairs or any right to know about them.

Kylo let out a rough sigh and turned onto a busy avenue and merged into the traffic flow. “I don’t like to leave traces of anything behind. Whether it’s regular garbage, mail, notes, food scraps, or bloody rags.” He glanced at her when he said that last item. “I paid for her to incinerate the garbage. It’s tidy and well worth the cost.”

Rey considered that. If she performed the same line of work as Kylo, she’d want to erase any and all evidence. She winced at such a dumb thought.

“But,” Rey began, “what if they didn’t incinerate the trash like you asked them to? What if they just took the bag and then went through it? What about that?” She narrowed her eyes at Kylo, almost certain that she’d brought up a good point. She’d been a scavenger for a good part of her life. As much as she hated to admit it, garbage bags were opportunities.

Kylo’s tongue darted out to his lower lip before he said, “In my world, everyone abides by a certain set of rules. The rules are what separate us from the beasts. One of those rules is to _always maintain honor._ If an establishment fails to do so, they lose the game. Excommunication. Then death.” His dark eyes darted to hers for a second, dead serious. “No one in their right mind wants to break the rules.”

He turned off the avenue then pulled under the archway of another sparkling building that shot up through the skyline several stories.

Gold coins, codes of honor, assassins… She was almost afraid to find out what would happen next.

“Okay,” she said. “What about all the other coins you gave her?”

Kylo turned and reached for his black duffle bag and pulled out a few articles of clothing. He faced her and stared again.

He did that a lot and Rey couldn’t decide what it made her feel. It made her feel something. Definitely something.

“What size are you?” he asked.

“Pardon?” she whispered, caught completely off guard.

“Shoes, pants, shirt, underthings? What size?”

Rey blinked and reddened as she rattled off a few numbers, unable to meet his gaze. He handed her a black cap and a jacket and told her to put them on. Then he gave her his sunglasses. They kept slipping down her nose while he left the car and pulled out his duffle and large gun case.

He opened the door for her and she followed him into the pristine building. There were flowers and shrubs decorating the entrance and a few uniformed doormen stood by ready to serve. Kylo handed his keys to one of them, and they promptly drove his AT away.

At the desk, Kylo sat his luggage down and greeted the golden-haired man waiting there.

“Mr. Ren, how good of you to join us once again. Will you be staying in your regular room?” the man asked with a chipper accent.

Rey acted like she wasn’t really paying attention, but she was soaking up everything she was hearing. _Mr. Ren?_

“A double, tonight only. I’ll also be needing a few things.” Kylo took the offered pen and stationary from the man behind the desk who smiled pleasantly. He took a few minutes to write something down.

The man’s eyes slid from Kylo to Rey and she quickly averted her gaze behind the shades.

She took a minute to look at the foyer around them. The hotel was grand and fancy. Rey had never been in a place like this before.

“Ah. Very good, sir. Will you be taking dinner in your room?” the man asked once Kylo handed him his note.

“Yes. Two chef’s specials and whatever extras he recommends.”

The man slid a key across the glossy desk and said, “Room 712.”

Kylo thanked him and passed him one of the gold coins.

The man covered it with his hand and blithely stowed it away as he said “Enjoy your stay, Mr. Ren.”

Kylo turned back to Rey and took his luggage toward a golden lift farther into the lobby.

Rey followed his long-limbed stride and gaped at everything around her.

Kylo pressed a glowing button once they were inside the lift. The sensation of the elevator moving made her stomach feel funny and she leaned herself against the wall. He stood with his legs braced apart, stoic and unmoved. Rey shifted to mimic his stance.

Once out, he led them to 712. Besides the huge beds and wall of windows inside the room, Rey was never so overjoyed to see a gargantuan bathtub and walk in shower in the bathing room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Whose Side Are You On feat. Ruelle](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avBHG9_-bBs)


	7. Chapter 7

Inside the hotel, Kylo knew they would be safe for the night. It was neutral ground and under the jurisdiction of the Order.

Rey still stood by the door, the black jacket he’d given her to wear, mainly to disguise her and hide the bullet hole through her clothes, hung nearly to her knees.

He’d ordered for some new clothes to be sent up by the hotel’s personal shopper. She would later have what she needed until their next destination. At that point, they would have some decisions to make.

He tilted his head in the direction of the luxury bath. “You go ahead and get cleaned up. I know you’ve been looking forward to it.”

Rey held out the sunglasses to him and he accepted them. She walked over to the other bed and took the jacket and the hat off, laying them down.

“I don’t have anything clean to wear.”

“You will soon. There are bathrobes here. Use that for now.”

She began to remove her old boots and Kylo turned away to the closet, giving her some privacy. He put his large gun case inside and tossed the duffle on top of it. Using weapons on hotel property was forbidden, but Kylo always kept them close. He also needed to hang up his suit. He set about his tasks and then decided to clean his knives while he waited.

Rey’s soft question pulled him from his concentration. He looked up and found her hovering near the closet entrance, coveralls gone, but still in her jeans and ruined t-shirt.

“What?” he asked, unsure of what she’d said.

Rey pointed to her injured shoulder. “Is it okay to get it wet?”

He regarded her for a long moment. She was dirty and wild looking, but he couldn’t deny that she appealed to him in a way that was new and bewildering.

He nodded before losing his train of thought. “Keep the gauze on while you shower. When you’re done, I’ll check it and clean it for you. The wound probably needs more bacta on it.”

She nodded, eyeballing all the items he’d laid out in the closet. She finally went into the bathroom, and Kylo was left alone with his knives and guns and secrets.

The last day had been highly irregular for him. He was honestly sorry for all the shit that Rey had just been through. There was no correcting it. There was no way to make it right. All he could do now was deal with her honorably. And he had no clue how to go about it.

Kylo was always alone and accustomed to being alone. She had no one. She had nothing left. He knew he could help her, and he found that he wanted to. There was something about Rey’s strength that resonated with Kylo and he absolutely didn’t understand why. They were now connected by their strange circumstances even though they came from such different worlds.

He sat for long minutes just thinking about the girl in the other room when a knock at the door interrupted his reverie. He jumped up from the closet and checked who was outside.

Dinner.

He rolled the cart farther into the room and decided to wait for Rey. He went back to cataloguing his knives and finished just as Rey came out of the steamed up bathroom.

She was swathed from head to toe in white terrycloth.

Kylo pointed to the other side of the hotel room. “Food’s here. Would you like to eat, or do you want me to clean your wound first?”

The grumbling emanating from Rey’s stomach answered the question for her. Her cheeks went rosy and he turned away from the appealing sight toward the cart.

Kylo slid all the plates and utensils onto the dining table and indicated for Rey to sit.

As they each tucked in, they remained quiet for a short while.

“So,” Rey eventually began. “What were the other gold coins for at the laundry place?” She stuffed a forkful into her mouth and waited for him to answer, head tilted in expectation.

He breathed out a slight chuckle and finished chewing. _Small, mighty, and determined,_ he thought. He sipped his glass of water before replying.

“I was settling my cleaning bill.”

“What, like dry cleaning?”

Kylo dabbed his mouth with the linen napkin before returning it to his lap. He finally looked into Rey’s eyes. If he endeavored to deal honorably with her, he would do so with honesty.

“No,” he replied. “Wet work gets messy. Those men from yesterday, there were eight of them in the garage. Their bodies had to be taken care of, the blood cleaned away, and all my brass had to be policed. It’s standard in my line of work to hire the Cleaners to take care of the aftermath at the scene. I hired them, told them when I would complete the job and where to be. Today, you saw me pay my fees.”

Rey’s eyebrows drew together in deep thought. Or revulsion. Kylo was unsure of which. His world was completely different from the world she’d been living in. She would either come to understand that, or she wouldn’t. She would have to come to terms with it in her own way.

He quickly finished his meal but noticed that Rey didn’t eat any more after he’d given his explanation. He pulled out several things from his black duffle, one of the items was his Med kit.

“All right,” Rey piped up suddenly from across the room. “So they don’t actually do laundry at _Rafa’s Laundry?_ ”

From out of nowhere and quite by surprise, genuine laughter bubbled up from deep within Kylo’s chest. Laughter was foreign to him. He couldn’t remember when he’d ever laughed like this.

“What’s so funny?” Rey asked. He could see that her eyes were lit up in a new way.

“Because I don’t actually know if they do laundry,” he kept laughing.

“Well, I’m never going to look at a laundromat in the same way, ever again,” she said, crossing her arms over the robe that was wrapped almost twice around her small frame.

His chuckles finally subsided and shook his head, enjoying her humor.

“Come here,” he called to her.

He grabbed up the Med kit and took it into the white tiled bathroom, opening it up on the marble vanity. He washed his hands and saw Rey come to stand beside him.

He glanced up into the mirror, catching sight of the both of them side by side. He was so large and all in black, she was so small and all in white. The dichotomy struck him. He looked damned creepy hovering at her side like a giant black hole.

He blinked and made sure the bacta and fresh gauze were handy, then he turned to Rey and indicated for her to give him her back. They both paused uncomfortably when they realized she would have to partly disrobe.

“Just… slide your arm out and hold everything… in place,” he stuttered. This had been easier the last time when she was unconscious.

Her neck was red by the time she had her left arm and shoulder exposed. The gauze was damp from her shower and stained, so it had bled some throughout the day or so they’d been together. Kylo carefully peeled the used strips away from her pale skin, trying not to hurt her. The wound was knitting together, and was not currently bleeding. A good sign. He swabbed some wound cleaner over the area before he daubed it with bacta.

“It looks good. How’s the pain?” he asked her.

“Sore,” she whispered. “Still very sore.”

He wrapped it with fresh gauze and smoothed over it with his warm hand.

“Take another painkiller tonight. Maybe you’ll be able to sleep without it bothering you.”

She looked over her shoulder at him and gave him a little smile.

“Thank you,” she said quietly.

He liked her eyes, her smile, and he liked the laughter she had given back to him in a split second.

She walked out of the bathroom and left Kylo alone again with his Med kit supplies and secrets and a brand new ache in his chest.

\---

Rey returned to the dining table to finish picking at her meal while Kylo remained in the bathing room to shower.

She remembered the way he had eaten his dinner earlier. He had done so with immaculate grace. She had felt completely feral because she didn’t even know proper table manners. But he didn’t comment, nor did he bat an eye at the way she conducted herself.

And he’d laughed at something stupid she’d said, and that was… that seemed to be something special. Kylo struck her as someone who didn’t speak very much unless she prodded him relentlessly. He definitely didn’t seem like someone who laughed freely.

When he’d redressed her wound, he’d been gentle and kind. If she tried to reconcile the man who’d stormed into the garage, guns ablazing, with the man who had tenderly cared for her only moments before… She didn’t know how to do that yet because they were the same man.

Maybe one day she would understand. Right now, her head was throbbing with a dull ache and it would be an impossible puzzle for her to sort out in that moment.

There was knocking at the door and Rey snapped to attentive stillness. Kylo was still in the bathing room.

Her heart pounded with a tinge of fear because she didn’t know what to do.

She stood and slowly went to the door. The person on the other side did not continue to knock, but they did slip something underneath.

A white square envelope slid quickly across the carpet toward her feet.

“REN” was scrawled on the front of it in thick red ink. It looked entirely forbidding, because all she could think was that the letters could have been written with blood, and she didn’t believe that was at all outside the realm of possibilities.

Rey stared at it, then at the closed door where Kylo was, heart thudding desperately in her chest.

She picked up the envelope and ran her thumb over the letters. Not blood, but a thick-lined quill had been used to write his second name.

The man at the lobby desk had greeted Kylo as Mr. Ren. Did that mean his full name was Kylo Ren? Rey shrugged. She thought her own last name was pretty weird.

At that moment, the door to the bathing room whipped open and steam poofed out, along with a very wet and a very much unclothed Kylo Ren. His glistening chest was built out of two wide, pale slabs of muscle. His flesh was mottled with bruises and scars.

Wide eyed and burning up with embarrassment, Rey was thankful there was a white towel covering the rest of him. She waved the envelope toward his face, averting her eyes over her shoulder and away from him.

“Someone just shoved this under the door,” she squeaked at a pitch not at all like her regular tone of voice.

When the letter left her hand, she scrambled back to the dining table and promptly swallowed half a glass of water. She willed her mind to banish the titillating image of Kylo’s chest from her memory. She had enough to deal with and… that… was just one more thing too many.

She did her best to ignore Kylo for the next several minutes. But curiosity soon dug its claws into her.

He was making several trips back and forth between the closet and the bathroom. Fully dressed now in sleek black dress pants and black button-down shirt, he buttoned up a vest that matched. He brought out a small black cloth pack from the closet and unrolled it on the bed. From it he pulled a knife and strapped it to his lower leg under his sock. He had holsters built into the back of the vest and he stuck two guns on the right and then the left side. He went back into the closet and spent a few more minutes inside.

What was happening now? Was she supposed to do something? Rey stood and hesitantly shuffled closer to the closet. She peeked inside and saw Kylo methodically counting out bullets and sliding them into several metal sheaths. The letter he’d received was opened and lying on the floor next to his gun case. He finally slipped his arms into a black suit jacket and pocketed the bullets.

Kylo turned and stopped short when he found Rey watching him.

His face had changed. Gone was the man who had been laughing earlier. In his place was the scary assassin whom she’d seen shoot two men at once the day they met. The all black suit lent a quality of mystery and menace to his appearance.

He picked up the letter and pocketed it.

Dark, dark eyes met hers and she held her breath.

“I left the pills for you on the counter. I don’t know how long I’ll be out. Keep the door locked.”

Rey blinked several times, recalling how he’d geared up with all those weapons.

Why was it so hard to breathe all of a sudden?

“But,” she began. “You will come back?”

Kylo’s mouth and his eyes softened for the briefest of moments before his features went hard again. He tipped his black-stubbled chin downward.

And then he was gone.

“Please come back,” she whispered to the door.

He’d had enough weapons on him to start a small war. He was probably going to kill someone.

What if Kylo was shot? Killed?

She paced a while and wrung her hands.

Rey couldn’t believe how quiet it was in the hotel. Street noises were too far below her. There were no loud neighbors.

She moved to the floor at the huge windows overlooking the city of Coruscant. Even during the night hours, it was alive and active.

Rey had turned off all the lights in the room so she could better see the outside world around her.

This new setting was all so foreign, and she no longer knew her place in it. Maybe she needed to ask Kylo where she could go to find work and get back on her feet again. She was good as a mechanic. Gas or electric engines, taking them apart, putting them back together again, that was a trade she excelled at. She bet she would even do well with planes. Mechanics and how things worked had always fascinated her mind.

If she was being honest with herself, Kylo Ren fascinated her mind as well. She hoped that wherever he was, he would be all right and come back to her.

“Please come back,” she murmured to the street below.

She watched and waited. Rey’s eyes soon grew heavy with fatigue and the relaxing pain reliever. She didn’t even make it over to the bed. She fluffed up the towel that had been wrapped around her head and made a pillow of it right there on the floor overlooking the night.

And she slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Without You - Ursine Vulpine & Annaca](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-EfhcugNb_w)


	8. Chapter 8

Rey knew she hadn’t slept so well in a long while, and it felt good to finally do so. The pillows were just right. The bed coverings smelled so fresh.

She stretched, but winced when the pain in her shoulder caught and pulled. She raised herself up to look at the sunlight coming in through the windows, well past dawn. Her towel was puddled on the floor where she knew she’d fallen asleep the night before.

_Wait a second, I fell asleep on the floor._

She scrunched her brow and searched the room.

The other bed was fully occupied by a sleeping man. He was flung out on his stomach, half under the covers, half uncovered, wavy black hair spilling across his face. He had on a black undershirt and black underwear.

Rey looked away before studying on that too closely.

She quietly left the bed to use the bathroom. She tried not to make any noise, she didn’t want to wake Kylo.

Her pile of old clothes was gone from where she’d put them before her shower the previous night. She snorted to herself when she wondered if Kylo would want to incinerate them as well. Then she noticed something new in the bathing room. There were garment bags hanging from a hook and a few boxes stacked together by the vanity.

Of course, she looked through all of it.

The very basics a girl could need were included in the bounty. Nothing had been overlooked. There were two outfits and a jacket. A pair of new boots and a new pair of runners. New socks. New underthings. Toothbrush. Hairbrush. Personal hygiene items.

Rey was almost giddy about having new things. She had never owned completely new clothes or shoes. She tried out the underclothes that had been purchased for her and then decided on a pair of jeans, belt, and a long sleeved shirt that happened to be black. She put on the boots last. Having actual clothes that fit and covered her was a huge relief. It made her feel stronger. More like she had a firm grip on her life.

On her feet again she checked over her reflection in the mirror. When she’d come in the night before to shower, she’d almost yelped at how hideous she had looked. And she’d smelled so bad. Almost getting killed would definitely put a person off their game. It had sure done a number on her. She was embarrassed that Kylo had seen her in such a state. But he had made no remark on her appearance.

She dealt with her hair as best she could, as the soreness in her left shoulder wouldn’t let her work her hair into her usual style of three buns down the back of her head. She left it down; it fell in thick waves past her shoulders, but at least it was brushed out.

Teeth scrubbed and face moisturized, she packed up the rest of her new things into a rolling suitcase that had been waiting for her as well. She was thankful for every last stitch and product.

She set her new suitcase by the door and her boiling curiosity made her look into the closet. Kylo’s case had been packed and the suit he’d worn was on hangers. She figured he must be an incredibly tidy person at all times. She was only tidy when she absolutely had to be.

In the bedroom, Kylo was still out cold, silent and unmoving. She wasn’t sure when he’d returned to the room, so there was no telling how long he’d actually been asleep. It was probably best to let him sleep a while longer.

She sat by the window and watched the city around her. She couldn’t imagine trying to live and work in a place like this on her own. The clothes on her back weren’t even hers. She had barely been able to make ends meet in Jakku, and that place was a blemish on the foot of a gleaming city like Coruscant.

Sadness for her friends was catching up with her. Kylo seemed to think that their house being on fire wasn’t an accident. Chills raced across her flesh. What had happened? And why did she let Kylo take her away from Jakku?

She stared sightlessly out the window, overcome by the direction her life had taken. Would she ever regain control of it?

Hope was the answer to why she’d allowed this strange man in black to take her away. He had unknowingly offered her hope when she had no more left for herself.

As for taking control of her life again? She would work on that.

After a while there was a loud knock at the door. Rey turned at the sound and saw Kylo jet straight out of bed to standing in the blink of an eye. He was on high alert and in a slight crouch as if expecting an attack.

Good grief, that would have scared the shit out of her if she’d been near him, or had been the one stupid enough to actually wake him from a dead sleep.

Lesson number one: Don’t mess with sleepy Kylo.

Kylo’s hair was wild around his face which was still puffy with sleep, but his eyes swept the room and finally landed on her. He relaxed slowly and Rey pointed to the door behind him as another knock sounded.

He answered and a new cart was rolled in like the one for dinner the night before. She noticed just then that the old cart had been removed. She must have slept like the dead to miss all these things going on around her.

Kylo pulled some pants from his duffle and shoved them over his large bare feet and long legs. Rey was thankful for that. She did not need any more fuel added to the fire of her fascination for this man.

He rolled the cart over to the dining table and set everything out. He then eyed Rey at her place by the window.

She grew uncomfortable under his quiet study. There was something about his eyes that spoke to her. But she wasn’t ready to know what they said.

“Hi,” she said softly, determined to break this spell.

His response was a deep inhale and an exhale that rushed out of him. He finally turned and poured himself something hot into a mug. He tilted his head at her with a slight nod toward the table, which was an increasingly familiar gesture he made when he wanted her to come near.

She raised her eyebrows at that, but she wasn’t about to turn down breakfast. They ate in silence and Rey found herself trying to mimic the way Kylo wielded his fork and napkin. She was a bit jealous of his elegance.

If she was expecting any sort of conversation she would have been disappointed. But she didn’t mind his quietude. It was only when she was trying to weedle information from him that his silence irked her.

Kylo soon left the table to dress for the day. She didn’t know what the plan was. She only knew they were staying the one night. It wasn’t long before Kylo had his duffle and his case ready to travel.

He pulled out a black hooded shirt made of lightweight fabric and handed it to her. She took hold of it and looked up at him with a puzzled expression.

“Wear that until we get to the AT.”

“Why?” she asked.

Kylo gazed down at her without answering.

She bit down on the inside of her cheek in frustration. Then she asked “Why?” again in a firmer, more even tone.

His nostrils flared and his eyes narrowed. “Because there are forces at work here that you do not understand, and I want us to get out of this city without anyone being able to identify your face. Because your life depends on it.” Kylo snapped his mouth shut, on the verge of some desperate emotion that made his dark eyes glint like black fire and the vein in his neck pulsate.

Rey drew back away from him, uneasy about his reaction.

Kylo cursed quietly and turned away to his duffle.

After a trembling moment, she eased the shirt over her head and adjusted its bulky size over her small frame. She rolled the sleeves up because they were way too long.

Kylo came back to her with his black and silver sunglasses and slipped them carefully on her face. Then he gently lifted the hood around her head. He arranged her hair so that it was hidden beneath the hood. His large fingers smoothed her hair behind her ear, almost like a silent apology.

He left her there just a little breathless.

Kylo called the lobby and ordered for his AT to be brought around. Then they were on their way down the elevator.

As they stepped from the lift, an ominously tall woman stood waiting. Kylo visibly hesitated before he continued, giving the woman a curt nod.

“Phasma,” was all he said to her.

“Ren,” she replied, eyes aglow, giving Kylo a brazen inspection from head to foot.

Phasma’s eyes narrowed with pinpoint accuracy onto Rey when she continued past her, just behind Kylo.

At the gleaming lobby desk, Kylo slid four of his gold coins and the room key to the man behind it.

“Always a pleasure, Mr. Ren,” the man chirped cheerfully.

Kylo stopped in the middle of the lobby and turned back to the desk. Rey noticed that Phasma was still by the lift, watching them.

She heard Kylo say to the man, “We were never here,” and then he pushed another gold coin into the man’s hand.

The man smiled cordially and nodded.

Rey breathed a sigh of relief when they made it to the outside of the hotel. They piled their luggage into the AT and jumped in.

“Who was that woman?” Rey asked a little too sharply when they were well away from the hotel. She’d seen the way Phasma had looked at Kylo.

Kylo actually growled.

“A very dangerous woman.”

She clicked her teeth together. “Does she do the same thing you do?”

He chuckled darkly. “She may think so.”

 _How cryptic._ She removed the sunglasses and then pulled the hooded shirt off. She put them both on the bench seat between them.

“Are you ready to explain why you didn’t want anyone to see my face?”

He mumbled and she heard him use the word _inquisitive._

“Yes!” she burst. “I have a lot of questions, _Mr. Ren._ I’d like some answers.” Her eyes bugged out at her own boldness.

Kylo eased back in his seat with a long-suffering sigh. “We’ve got a whole day of driving ahead of us. Are you sure you don’t want to take a nap?”

She rolled her eyes. “No. I slept all night and I’m not a bit tired.”

“Must be nice,” he muttered.

“What?” she countered. “How long did you get to sleep?”

“Maybe two and a half hours.”

A tendril of compassion twisted her heart. She stared at his face, really taking a closer look. There were dark circles under his eyes. His facial hair was growing thicker along his jaw and chin and over his upper lip, a manly look which did something stupid to her insides.

He did appear tired. He probably never got the chance to let his guard down completely to actually rest.

“I can drive for a while,” Rey offered.

Kylo was silent for a few long moments. Too still and too silent. Truth be told, he must have been tempted to take her up on her offer to get behind the wheel.

“Cars are sort of my thing,” she added. “I’m an excellent driver.”

“Can you even lift your arm?” he countered.

She raised her left arm alongside her right to demonstrate. It wasn’t one hundred percent, by any means, but it would be fine if she only tried to drive with it.

To her surprise, Kylo slowed the AT and pulled to the side of the road. He got out and she slid across the seat into the driver’s position. He slumped into her previous place and grabbed the hooded shirt and sunglasses, putting on the latter and making a pillow out of the former. He threw his left knee up onto the bench and his right foot ended up under her legs. Not touching, but just… there.

“Where are we going?” she asked him.

“About five hundred miles that way,” he pointed. “To Nymeve Lake in Takodana province. Wake me if you notice anything odd.” And with that, he crossed his arms over his chest and laid his head against the window.

Rey didn’t know where Takodana was, but she was confident she would figure it out.

\---

Kylo didn’t fall asleep right away.

What he did do was watch Rey as she drove the AT. He watched to make sure she wasn’t in any pain as she maneuvered the vehicle.

He also pondered what it was about this girl that had garnered so much attention from the Order. His meeting with Snoke the night before brought more questions than answers, both from the servant of the High Table and also from Kylo.

Remembering, Kylo reviewed everything that had happened.

The letter addressed to REN had summoned him to the Canto Bight Casino located outside of Coruscant. Snoke loved to surround himself with the appearance of power and wealth. The classy casino was his preferred place of business.

Kylo passed a bar glistening with poured glasses of Savareen brandy. Drunken patrons stumbled away from him when they found they were in his direct path. His ears protested the cacophony of too raucous laughter and cheering from the high stakes tables.

Farther back in the facility, he came to the VIP ONLY rooms. Here, the stakes went higher. Private games were played with big betters behind closed doors.

Snoke’s own armed security stood waiting by the door of the chamber he’d chosen for the night.

Kylo approached the three armed men. Without expression, they stepped aside and followed close behind him into the chamber. Being surrounded with opponents at his back caused his jaw to clench and his trigger fingers to spasm.

Snoke sat amongst a table of smoking card players. Chips and gold coins were piled high in the middle of the table. The aging man was scarred and sallow-faced. He had served as an assassin for many years before climbing the hierarchy in the Order to become a servant to the High Table. Kylo knew Snoke’s ambitions were colossal in that he desired his own spot at the High Table. It was an impossible objective because a place at the High Table could only be inherited. Snoke, however, had his eye on the one empty chair that had not yet been claimed by an heir.

Kylo had to wait for the hand to play out in front of him. He was good at waiting. He took up position in a corner with his back to the wall.

After nearly an hour of waiting, the table’s hand dealt out and the victor was Snoke. There were cross looks at the guards as the players stood to leave, all of them displeased with the way the cards had fallen. But there was no contest as they were escorted out of the VIP chamber.

Snoke took a long draw on a firestick and chuckled, deep and sinister sounding. His hairless features and light-colored eyes gave him an otherworldly appearance that did not attract, but rather repulsed.

Kylo waited still.

Finally, those icy cold eyes landed in the corner of the room, and he spoke.

“Ah, Kylo Ren, my boy. Come closer.”

The guards circled at Snoke’s back while Kylo moved to put the card table between them.

“Snoke,” he said in clipped greeting.

“You collected the bounty today. Tell me. How well did Unkar Plutt die?”

“Slowly,” was all Kylo would reveal.

More eerie laughter. “He was growing too powerful out there in the desert. Infringing on another family's territory. And his associates? How many were with him?”

“Seven other bodies.”

“Hm.” Snoke puffed again on the firestick. “And the girl?” he asked much too casually.

Kylo’s gut fell to his feet like he’d taken a direct hit to the solar plexus. He had to fight hard not to show an outward reaction. His fists clenched hard by his sides.

“What girl?”

Snoke’s ice chip eyes seared into him. His deformed jaw canted to the side. Kylo could see his yellow teeth. “There was a girl meant to be there. She was marked. Did I neglect to put that into the contract?” Snoke tsked.

“No matter. Perhaps she would be of more use to me alive.” The scarred man’s attention turned to his winnings atop the table.

“But I am disappointed in you, Ren. I have it on good authority that she was present at the time of your appointment with the odious Plutt.”

A cold sweat started on his lower back and his guns weighed heavy there. Silently cursing a foul stream of expletives, he calmly met Snoke’s gaze.

“She must have run when the shooting started.”

“Hm. How sloppy.” Sighing, Snoke shifted in his chair and said, “Tread carefully, Ren. Your usefulness to the Order wanes with such… mishaps.”

The corner of Kylo’s lips tilted up. A threat? From this worm?

Snoke paled when he saw the expression on Kylo’s face.

The son of a bitch was up to something. Something deeper was stirring, and Kylo couldn’t decipher the mystery. Snoke was much too high on the power he liked for people to believe he wielded. What use could Rey be to Snoke? Who was she? He saw no cause for the Order to be interested in the whereabouts of a nobody from Jakku. Unkar Plutt? Yes, that made total sense. Crime families were territorial. When a rival grew to be too powerful, Kylo was called to eliminate the threat.

The most pressing thought in his mind now was that Rey was in very real danger. He’d been sent for her. Someone else had been dispatched to her house. He was a kriffing fool to have brought her into Coruscant.

Kylo had heard Snoke’s threat. But it wasn’t himself he was worried about. Kylo never worried. But Rey…

Sniffing, the other man put out his firestick and nervously stood. “I will contact you when I have need of your services again. As long as you can guarantee there will be no further mistakes.”

Kylo only gave Snoke a long narrowed stare before turning to leave.

The guard at the door was slow to move, but Kylo’s eyes promised death to the man if he didn’t move immediately. The other man’s eyes shifted uneasily and the door was swiftly opened to him.

He calmly picked his way out of the casino and into the night. He wanted to beat the shit out of something. He wanted to let out the rage that had been building inside him. He was on the verge of losing control.

But he couldn’t lose control. He couldn’t afford to.

His whole inner self churning, he drove to the hotel and went back to his room.

He found Rey curled up asleep by the window.

Upon seeing her, the turmoil slowly drained out of him. He picked her up, careful not to wake her and tucked her into the bed. He stared at her face and wondered what it was that had him questioning all the choices he’d ever made in his solitary life.

Snapping out of his memory from the night before, he found he was still staring at Rey’s face.

He thought he knew his place in the world where Kylo Ren had been forged.

Over the years as a hitman, he’d grown comfortable with the savagery, knowing that his actions for the Order were justified. There was good in killing. Killing had its place. He was sure the killing he did was always for the right reasons.

Now he had doubts.

If Rey was the target, he could not find a good reason for her death. It made him think back to other jobs he’d completed over the course of his career.

It made him question everything.

But sleep had been eluding him for a long time. He was tired and he was grateful for the chance to let down his guard.

With one last glance at the girl, he hoped he didn’t regret it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Sound of War feat. Fleurie](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4hlAsmfXco)
> 
> [Who Are You? by SVRCINA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZWk4zqmQwVE)


	9. Chapter 9

Hours later, and Rey was in serious need of a rest stop.

She bounced her free leg to distract herself from her discomfort.

Kylo hadn’t moved the whole trip, but she was slightly afraid to wake him. She’d seen the way he’d responded that morning to sudden noise.

Although she didn’t know much about Kylo yet, she had already come to the conclusion that he was deadly.

Her bouncing leg gained momentum while she looked for a place to pull over and use the facilities. When she came up on a small service station, she turned off the road. She parked the AT and glanced at Kylo, but decided to leave him alone while she went in and did what she needed to do.

Finally relieved, she opened the door to the restroom and jolted backward in fright.

Kylo was right there in her face, big, unapologetic, and dark like always.

Her hackles were immediately raised.

“Is that really necessary?” she squawked.

“Maybe,” he responded in a low, grating tone.

“What? I can’t leave your side for one second?” She scowled darkly up at him.

He only released a nostril-flaring breath and stepped out of her way so she could leave the room. He picked up a couple bottled waters from a cooler and some snacks and paid for them on the way out of the service station.

Kylo took back the driver’s side, and she tossed him the keys, still miffed at his behavior.

“You told me you didn’t have any family,” he said, seemingly at random. He handed her one of the bottles of water and her jaw eased, touched by his kindness.

His eyes were on her.

She shrugged, gripping the bottle.

“I grew up in an orphanage.”

“So you have no ties to a family name?”

She frowned and shook her head, remembering the bag she’d had to leave behind at the garage with all her documents in it.

“Patine is the name I was given.”

Kylo’s brow furrowed in suspicion. “What did you say?”

“Patine. Rey Patine.” She waved a hand in the air. “Weird name, yes. Believe me, I know.” She laughed off the years of teasing she’d received from it, but Kylo eased closer to her.

“Spell it.”

She gave him a questioning look as she did so.

Kylo slumped back in his seat and brought a hand up to squeeze his bottom lip as he looked out the window, deep in thought.

“Who gave you that name?” he asked quietly, still puzzling over unspoken thoughts in his own head.

“It was engraved on something that I had with me when I was brought to the orphanage. A medallion of some fashion.”

Kylo shot to attention and then went completely still.

He was about to ask her more when she countered with, “Why didn’t you leave me behind?”

His fists clenched and unclenched on his lap. It took him a while to answer.

“Because I thought you were innocent. That you got caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. You…” he swallowed. “You would have died there.”

“And that mattered to you?” She blinked, but she sensed the gravity of his stare pulling her into his orbit. It was powerful and it was shocking.

“Yes.”

Such a simple word, but its meaning held all the complexities of a universe.

“Why?” she whispered. She didn’t know what this was being built between them, but she was eager for more of the parts so that she could begin to piece them together into something that would actually work.

He shook his head, eyes gleaming, either unwilling or unable to speak. A large hand raised, hesitant, slow, and the tip of his finger almost touched her face, but he stopped short.

Kylo’s eyes whipped to the front windshield, his attention caught by sudden movement.

Rey blinked and followed his intense focus.

A slim man stood at the front of the AT, sour-faced, with orange-tinged hair, and he smirked back at them. His beady eyes landed on her and he wriggled his fingers in a mocking wave. His attention then shifted to Kylo, and the wave turned into a different gesture. Two fingers pointed. Thumb up.

The man’s face twisted into a smug expression as he mimed shooting Kylo with his hand.

Twice.

The stream of curses that Kylo let fly out of his mouth caused Rey to simultaneously redden, start to sweat, instantly go cold and begin to shiver.

Kylo slammed the AT into reverse, tires squalling. The orange-haired man continued to point his fingers at them as they sped back onto the highway. His figure got smaller the farther away they went, but the threat she’d seen in the stranger’s eyes still lingered.

Her heart continued to pound and she almost asked who the man was. But the way Kylo was driving, and still cursing, caused her to hesitate.

She held tight to the edge of her seat, dangerously aware of how tenuous a hold she actually had on this entire set of circumstances.

“Shit.” Then louder, “Shit.” Yet louder, “ _Shit!_ ” Kylo pounded the steering wheel with his fist.

“I’ve messed up, Rey. I’ve just messed it all up.”

She cringed at his volume, staring helplessly at him. “I don’t understand.”

“You were supposed to die.

“Back at Plutt’s garage, you were the target and I didn’t even know it. You were the reason I was sent there. I took out who I thought was the intended target. I thought you were there by accident.”

Kylo cursed again. Everything in him clenched, tensed, and on the verge of further eruption.

“And I missed it. That hit. Hell, I knew there was something off about it. Someone dangerous is tracking you.”

Everything in Rey stilled. Fear, cold, clammy, wasting and choking, gripped her tight.

Was this the reason Kylo had been so overbearing anytime he wasn’t sleeping?

“Someone actually wants me dead? That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Yes. And damn it _all,_ now. He knows. He _knows_ you’re not dead. He knows I kriffed up the mission. And he’ll be coming for us.”

“Who? That man at the service station? Why didn’t you just shoot him?” Rey shocked herself as the question left her mouth. But she wasn’t thinking clearly, too worried about the high rate of speed the AT now traveled.

Kylo scowled her way, upper lip curled back to reveal his clenched, uneven teeth.

 _“What?_ You think I just go around killing people indiscriminately?” His voice was still loud.

Her head moved his way with an exaggerated, slow swing. “Uh, how many guns are in this vehicle, and how many people have you killed in the past few days?”

“Just because I fulfilled a contract doesn’t mean I kill without cause or at whim. I have integrity,” he growled, disgruntled.

Even in the heat of this crazy moment, the surprising aspects of Kylo Ren’s psyche kept coming at her like flaming asteroids flying out of orbit and into her path.

“Then why are we arguing about this? Why are you driving so fast?”

“I need to get you to a safe place.”

Rey considered that, and could not wrap her mind around it. Someone wanted her dead. She had no idea why. Maybe she needed to fight back. Maybe she needed to know how to defend herself.

“Teach me how to shoot.”

Kylo’s foot faltered for a second on the accelerator. “Teach you?”

“Yes. But more than that. Teach me how to defend myself. I’m tired of feeling helpless.”

His eyes flashed at her. She thought she glimpsed a bit of pride in that glance. For her?

“We’ve got to find some high ground. There’s a place where we can hide out for a few days. But the Order will be out for my blood. Yours, too.”

She gulped, not feeling as brave as she had a few moments before.

“What is the Order?”

Kylo sighed, nostrils flaring. “It’s the organization that I serve.”

“They organize the contracts for killing?”

He shook his head slightly. “Something like that.”

They both fell silent while the landscape blurred past. _So much green._ A lot more green than Rey was used to. She had never been away from the scorching wastes of the Jakku desert.

Kylo had to slow the AT as they came up on rolling green mountains. The road began to wind higher, swerving from one side of a hill to another. The constant back-and-forth motion, combined with the speed of the AT, drove her to the point of nausea.

She covered her eyes with her hands and tried to zone out the queasy feeling.

“You want me to teach you about defending yourself? Lesson one: Keep your eyes open. You’ve got to know your surroundings because danger is everywhere.”

Rey shot him an irritated look, but couldn’t deny the reason in this lesson. She tended to be oblivious at times unless curiosity was driving her. She swallowed back the nausea and forced herself to pay attention.

“Any bush, tree, rock, side-road, or hill could be a hiding place for someone who intends to do you harm. Don’t ignorantly walk into a trap.”

Her gaze sharpened on the very things Kylo listed, imagining any number of terrifying ghouls lying in wait for her.

“You also have to pay attention to the people around you. Someone’s intent is a bit harder to read, but you’ve got intuition. If something doesn’t feel right, trust that feeling. If someone seems suspicious, or acts like they’re trying not to draw your attention, be on guard against that.”

Rey catalogued all the points of his lesson.

“Something doesn’t feel right about you. Should I trust that feeling?” she smarted.

“Yes,” was all he said as he fished out a cell phone from the back seat and dialed.

She snorted quietly.

“Han Solo,” Kylo said to someone on the line. “One week. Ren.” He snapped the cell closed and tossed it back in his duffle.

“What’s a Han Solo?” she asked, still distracted by the new scenery.

“Code.”

“Of course it is.”

Kylo checked the mirrors constantly. It made Rey antsy, so she started checking as well. 

“Are we being followed?”

“No. But that doesn’t mean anything.”

“Just when I think I can begin to relax, you say something like that to set me on edge again.”

“It’s a talent.”

Rey smiled despite her worry. Kylo was funny. He was an intense, scary badass, but he was a delight when his carefully hidden personality cracked through that tough exterior.

They drove for several more hours, stopped for fuel once, and finally stopped for food and a roadside motel when it got late.

Kylo remained on high alert through the drive and anytime they stepped out of the AT.

He checked them into a room in the back lot of a motel that was as ancient and rundown as her old house used to be. There was nothing remotely fancy about this hotel.

He made her wait in the locked AT while he swept the room for hidden dangers. Once he was satisfied it was clear, he bungled her inside with all their luggage.

Kylo laid out several guns and a cache of ammo from his large case and set up a tense vigil by the window with a loaded shotgun by his side.

“Do you think someone is coming for us tonight?” she asked him as she sat atop the faded comforter on the only bed in the shabby room.

His eyes stayed focused on the sliver of window between the wall and the drapes.

“I’m preparing for all possibilities. Seeing Hux could have been a coincidence,” his eyes narrowed and his voice lowered. “But more than likely it wasn’t a coincidence at all.”

“Hux was the man we saw?”

“Yes. He is in service to the Order. I have my suspicions that he’s out to eliminate me.”

“Do you know why?”

He shrugged and ran a hand over his head. “Someone high up in the Order may have put out a private contract on me.”

“To kill you?” she asked softly.

He nodded.

“Doesn’t that worry you or scare you?”

He seemed to relax, a deep exhale leaving him.

“What does it gain me to worry or to be afraid? When it’s my time to go, I’ll go, and not a minute sooner.”

Rey marveled at his answer. He really didn’t seem to be afraid of anything.

The hour was growing late and she fought off a yawn.

“How confident are you?”

His glinting eyes found hers. “What are you asking me?”

“How good are you at what you do?”

Kylo only smiled.

She could see the gleam of his teeth in the low light. His demeanor conveyed every ounce of his self-assured confidence. It didn’t matter what or who came at them, he was prepared to deal with it.

She admired his strength.

“That good, huh?”

A low chuckle was his answer.

She smiled to herself. Despite everything, she was glad that Kylo was with her.

“Why don’t you try to get some sleep? I’ll keep watch tonight.”

Rey stared at Kylo in the dark for a long time before she fell asleep.

Once her eyes closed, she dreamed of a dark knight who breathed fire and slayed old beasts that were foolish enough to approach him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Game of Survival by Ruelle](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-T5eYF9WiRI)


	10. Chapter 10

There were more miles to cover the next day.

She didn’t know how her Angel of Death had the energy to be able to keep going after staying up keeping watch all through the night. Maybe there _was_ something supernatural about him.

She’d offered to drive the AT again, but he declined and said that the roads were about to get tricky winding around the mountains.

Rey had never been on a trip like this cross country journey with Kylo Ren. As much as she would have loved to enjoy all the new places she was seeing, her mind was more occupied with staying alert and staying alive.

She was worried about Kylo.

She knew he needed to rest, but she also knew there was nothing she could do to really help with that, so she stayed vigilant. She employed her budding powers of observation.

In late afternoon, they slowed near the top of a mountain. A glittering dark green lake spread out in many directions taking up vast spreads of valley land. She couldn’t help but marvel at its beauty. 

He eventually veered off the winding mountain road and followed a narrow passage surrounded by dense trees. It circled up to a breathtaking vista with a house overlooking the valley lake below.

He idled the AT by a garage that had three closed bay doors. He slipped from the vehicle, shoulders broad and tensed, and tapped a code into a keypad by the farthest bay door from the house. When he returned, he drove the AT into the empty, darkened garage bay.

They both sat in silence after the engine rumbled to a halt.

Once her eyes adjusted to the low light, Rey could make out two other vehicles parked in the garage.

“Is this your house?”

“In a sense.”

He got out and flipped a switch on the wall. The space was particularly well kept; organized tools lined a wall above a worktable, various types of leisure equipment lay stacked in a corner. This wasn’t an impersonal hidey hole like the first shack in the desert.

“Hey, thanks for clearing that up for me,” she sniped under her breath. “No need to tell me anything,” she continued grumbling to herself. “I like being kept in the dark.”

The farthest vehicle in the garage was a pickup truck. The one in the middle was a classic sports car. Rey really wanted to get a closer look at it; a gorgeous red thing with sleek panels and thick white racing stripes sloping down the roof and hood.

After securing the bay door, Kylo led the way into the house and Rey was impressed by how beautifully rustic it was. There were a couple of bedrooms off to the side of one large A-frame living area that had an outdoors view of everything from the lake to the rolling blue-tinged mountains to endless azure skies. A deck lay beyond the windows, jutting out into the scenic view. To the back side of the house, there was an open kitchen made for cozy family gatherings at meal times. Rey smiled at the thought of a large happy family coming together. She’d never had the chance to experience a meal with a loving family.

The bedroom she picked even had a gorgeous view. She set her rolling case aside and admired it. But her admiration was marred by the thought of possible danger lurking. She recalled what Kylo had said about someone hiding behind anything. The scenic beauty dulled with those thoughts and worries. She opened her eyes and examined everything. She also inspected the closet and the bathing room for hiding intruders.

She probably looked stupid peeking around the corners.

“Hey.”

Rey squeaked and jolted off her feet in fright. She covered her racing heart with her hand before turning to face Kylo.

“Did you see a spider?” He narrowed his eyes at her from the threshold of her room.

“Nope. Just you.”

He frowned even more at that.

“Let’s head down the mountain to the shops. We need food and supplies for the next several days.”

\---

Maz Kanata was a private arms dealer.

The tiny, aged woman had been a contact of Kylo’s for many years. Her prices were steep, but she had always kept her inventory cutting edge. The armory she owned and sold her product from was like a fortress. Only a select few knew about Maz’s passion for weapons. Everyone else visiting or living on Lake Nymeve believed she operated a sporting goods outlet. Beneath the fortress and the sporting goods store was a labyrinth of weapons technology that could arm a battalion of troops.

Kylo scoped out all the patrons on the upper level of the store, curious if there were any of his colleagues present. Maz didn’t tolerate official Order business on her property, and her staff were always present to keep the peace.

He was sure Rey would be safe there on her own shopping for essentials while he conducted a few deals with Maz Kanata herself in the catacombs below.

“Pick out anything you think you need here. Get some new street clothes and something you can exercise in. Then choose what you’d want to eat for the next few days over in the general section. I’ve got to go speak with the owner,” he told her. “I may be gone a while, so take your time.”

Rey looked around and back at him with uncertainty. “Anything I need?”

“Yeah. I’ll settle the bill when I get back.”

“Oh. Okay.” Her brow was drawn over her eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

She took a deep breath and hesitantly began. “You’ve already done so much for me. You got all those new things for me back in Coruscant. I don’t feel right just picking out _anything._ ”

He frowned, thinking back to the state of her clothes when they first met. The boots she’d been wearing didn’t even fit her and they had been falling apart. He supposed shopping hadn’t ever been a luxury for her.

“How about you just go ahead and get what you need and let me worry about the rest?”

“But…”

“Rey.” He scowled down at her. “Get what you want. I’ve got it.”

He turned away before she could respond and went to the owner’s office.

The door was littered with different pictures and posters of fluffy dogs and cats and bunny rabbits. Maz had peculiar quirks. She loved nothing better than baby animals and big guns.

Kylo knocked three times, his knuckles tapping against the image of a bug-eyed porg.

A large eye blinked at him through a crack that manifested.

“Are you working?” the guard asked.

“I’m buying,” he replied.

The guard let the door swing wide and he stepped inside the office.

“Hmm. Kylo Ren,” an accented voice intoned. “How may I be of service to you this day?”

Maz Kanata peered up at him through thick-lensed glasses. A long-haired white feline was perched in her lap, and two others lounged on the floor beside her desk.

“I’m in the market for some of your finest,” he said.

Maz regarded him for a few moments.

“I hear talk of you, Ren. Someone in the Order is looking for you. For you and a girl.” Her enlarged eyes narrowed as she tilted her head. Her voice dropped almost to a whisper. “They are coming for you.”

He clenched his jaw, somewhat dismayed that the news had traveled so fast. If he was a target as well, the both of them wouldn’t be safe together any longer. He supposed he had Hux to thank for that.

“I’m not going down without a fight.”

Maz chuckled. “I am glad to hear it.” She shooed the cat from her lap and stood to her full height of nearly four feet. “I have some new merchandise to show you.”

She pressed a button and the wall behind her opened a hidden doorway.

He followed her down two flights of worn stone steps. Spotlights lit up overhead one by one in a line that led farther and deeper into the cavernous underground lair. Heavy duty shelves stocked with weapons stood in countless rows, crates stacked on crates, heavy artillery, tanks, even a whirly bird sat beneath the fortress.

Maz signaled her specialist to bring out a selection Kylo was interested in. He hefted each weapon, looking down the sights over the barrels. He set aside two that felt good in his hands. He ordered extra mags and several cases of ammunition once he made his decision.

“I also need to purchase a gun for a friend. Something for a small grip, a first handgun. What do you suggest?”

The smile that split Maz’s wrinkled face hid more secrets than it gave away. Another quick laugh.

“Always full of surprises, Mr. Ren.” She turned and shook a gnarled finger in the air. “I have just the thing!”

\---

The next evening after the sun sank behind the smoky hills and after almost a full day of much needed rest, Kylo squared off with Rey in the basement of the mountain cabin.

As rustic as the outside design appeared, it was all a farce, because it was a fortified bunker below ground. The concrete room was furnished with exercise equipment and large mats. It was the perfect place to hide out for a few days and to introduce Rey to the violent delights of self-defense.

They were both similarly attired after visiting the outdoor supply store for clothes and other items, in joggers and tanks that would allow them to move freely.

He took note of how small she was, and reminded himself to be gentle.

Kylo had never thought of himself as a gentle man.

“When you look at me, where do you see weakness?” he began.

From about three feet away, Rey nervously picked at a fingernail, tentatively glancing up and down his form.

“You don’t look weak at all,” she murmured, fingers tangling together.

“Look harder.”

Confusion marred her brow. Her eyes finally landed on his, at a loss.

Kylo pointed to his own eyes. “Eyes are a weak spot. Thumbs, elbows, sand or dirt, all are damaging to the eyes. If you find yourself too close to an opponent, don’t be afraid to go for the eyes.”

He tapped his Adam's apple next. “Here. If you can get a clean shot at the throat, you can take someone down easily. You can even kill them, because the windpipe is fragile to the right amount of force.”

Rey blinked, covering her own throat.

“Smacking your forehead against someone’s nose, or even an elbow or knee to the nose, that move will knock someone off you long enough for you to get away. Unless the situation calls for you to maim or kill, the goal is always going to be to run.”

Kylo raised his arm, and grabbed the flesh at the back of his upper arm with his other hand. “A vicious pinch here is going to distract an opponent.” He lowered his arm. “You’ve got good teeth. Bite the hell out of someone.”

He then bent slightly at the waist and brought her attention to his groin. “It’s a cheap shot,” he said. “But if you’re tangling with a man who is out to hurt you, it’s a power play. A quick blow to the choobies will lay him out flat.”

He turned and looked at her over a broad shoulder. “From behind, the back of the knees is the sweet spot. A swift kick, a swing of a bat, any kind of force to the back of the knees can easily bring someone down. Just be sure you know what to do with them once you have them on their knees. Sometimes a solid hit to the back of the neck can work to your advantage. But that is a move you would have to be prepared to deliver.”

He faced her and put his hands on his hips, checking her reaction. She was overwhelmed already, but he knew she could do this. He’d make certain she knew it as well.

“If you’re comfortable with me trying some holds on you, I’ll teach you how to get out of them.”

He dropped his hands to his sides, flexed them.

_Be gentle, Ren._

She dropped her hands from her nervous fidgeting and squared her shoulders. “I don’t know what I'm doing, but, okay.”

“Just like I told you earlier, be aware of your surroundings and the people near you. Don’t let them get too close. If you’re moving around someplace, know where each body is in relation to yours. If someone gets close, make eye contact, read their intent. Keep your distance, note their intent. It’s not easy. But _nothing comes easy._ ”

They circled one another. She kept her distance, he slowly stalked around her. He let her gain a little ground, but then he threw her for a loop by softening his eyes and smiling down at her.

She took the bait and let him too close.

He burst into her space and grabbed her above the wrist. Her sharp intake of breath told him she wasn’t expecting him to do that. He held her and dragged her towards him.

Letting her go after a moment, he allowed her to step back and catch her breath.

“What did you do wrong?” he asked.

“I allowed you to get too close. I… I misread your intent.” Her big eyes stared up at him, more wary now.

“Grab my wrist,” he instructed her. Her hand gripped his arm as best as it could, but it was too small to close the gap around his forearm.

“See where your hold is weakest? Where your thumb and fingers don’t meet? That’s the path of least resistance.” With a quick twist, he snapped his arm up and out of her hold.

“Now you try.” He took her wrist in his large hand once again, grip tight. He began to pull against her. “Where is my hold weakest?”

She grunted with effort, throwing her weight against the hold he had on her. She couldn’t snap her arm out of the hold.

“There’s no weakness,” she panted.

“There’s always a weakness,” he told her, focusing on her face. “If an assailant’s grip on you is firm and strong, keep looking. Don’t give up. Remember: eyes, nose, throat, groin, back of the knees, even the side of the leg or the ankles.

“Where can you hit me that will hurt me the most?”

He could see the frantic thought going on behind her eyes. He continued to drag her until she surprised him with a pinch to the back of his arm.

_Shit._

His grip softened enough until there was a weakness she could take advantage of. She twisted her wrist and snapped her arm free of his hold.

Kylo massaged the flesh on the back of his arm where she’d latched. He nodded at her, pleased.

“Good.”

A brilliant smile spread across her face and it warmed him in places that he’d thought had long gone cold. It made him forget the small pain she’d just inflicted.

“Turn around,” he told her. “Start walking.”

When she obeyed, he came at her from behind and grabbed her arm. Another firm hold that she couldn’t break. He dragged her in the same direction she was walking.

After a short struggle, he told her again, “Find the weakness.

“The fight isn’t where I have a hold on you.”

Kylo suddenly went down hard. Rey evaded his grip and danced away. He looked back at her, inadvertently proud. He could feel the sting of where her foot had caught the back of his knee, but it didn’t even matter to him. He got to his feet, biting back his own smile.

“Tell me what you did wrong,” he asked, resting his hands at his waist.

Her smile faded slowly. “I did something wrong?”

“Only that you didn’t give me a reason to stay down. If you flatten an opponent, like you just did, make sure he doesn’t get back up. Stomp on his ankle to crush it, or do the same with his head. Go for the weakest point you have access to. But only if you have the opening to do so. If not, you run.”

They circled back to the center of the mat. “Remember when I told you to be aware of your surroundings? How you need to maintain space? Let’s work on tactics when someone invades. If I go for your wrist, you see how I come right within striking distance? Where do you see a weakness?”

Kylo leaned in quickly, testing her reaction time. She stepped backward.

“Come on, Rey, what do you see?”

He stepped into her again, and she made a stab for his eyes. He deflected, grabbed her wrist. The hold was nigh unbreakable in his large hand. She attacked with her free fist, going right for his throat. She took advantage of his distraction and struck his ankle with her foot.

Kylo went down again. He almost smiled, but her foot was coming right for his face. He caught it before she could smash his nose. He did grin up at her then. Her smile matched his, but her expression turned to surprise when he twisted his hands and sent her tumbling into a heap down on the mat.

He jumped on top of her and caged her in with his body. She squirmed, trying to get away, but he wouldn’t let her. After wrestling, she ended up trapped with her arms above her head, his hips between her legs.

Her breath was unsteady as she stared up at Kylo. He gathered both her wrists into one of his hands above her head and pressed down on them.

She was beginning to panic.

“Find the weakness, Rey.”

She shook her head, unable to see it. Kylo moved, as if he was going for his belt, shifting his weight slightly. He kept watching her to make sure she was okay. He knew this was an incredibly vulnerable place for her to be.

“Dig your heels into the mat and throw all your force into your hips. Use your hips to knock me off balance. Twist out from under me and shove your heels into my waist. Push me off you.”

Her eyes began to water. Tears threatened. “I don’t think I can do it.”

“Even like this, you still have power. Don’t let your opponent make you think otherwise. Look for the weakness.”

He finally let go of her wrists and eased back, placing a hand on her neck. She hesitated. The pulse at her neck fluttered beneath his fingertips. Her little hands wrapped his wrist.

He shoved her backward with a powerful thrust of his hips. Her choking gasp nearly made him let her go. But that wouldn’t teach her anything. He strengthened his resolve.

“Your elbows are weapons. Your hands are weapons. Your feet are weapons. Use them,” he growled.

With an eruption of rage, she slammed her elbow into the crook of his arm, throwing him to the side when the joint gave way. Then she used the same elbow on the side of his head. Hit after hit. Kylo had to back off enough to get out of her striking range. She dug her feet into his gut and pushed him hard. He fell back and she was able to make her escape.

Blood dripped down to the mat from a cut at his brow bone.

Rey paced a distance away, trying to regain her bearings. He knew he’d put her through a tough challenge. He also knew he needed to push her so that she could see what she was capable of.

She was small, she was mighty, she was determined, and she was fierce.

And Kylo… cared for her.

His eyes lit on her as he stood and went to her. His big hands landed on her shoulders and she sheepishly met his eyes in return. Sweaty, hair in disarray, and perfectly lovely.

He swiped a tear off her cheek. “Tell me what you did right,” he asked softly.

When she didn’t answer, he finally said, “You survived.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus chapter this week!
> 
> [Can't Hold Us Down feat. Sam Tinnesz](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAB0aQ94GHM)   
>  [Madness by Ruelle](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnSkt6V3qF0)


	11. Chapter 11

The next night, Rey practiced stance. She practiced kicking. She practiced evasion.

She sweated and grunted and wished she hadn’t asked Kylo Ren to teach her anything.

The man was a taskmaster. He was a sadist. He didn’t know the meaning of mercy.

He demanded every ounce she had to give. And she gave it. She was going to fall over. She was going to die. She was sure Kylo would kill her before anyone else had the chance.

The night after that was much the same.

The smell of the underground basement had begun to trigger feelings of dread. It wasn’t a bad smell, but the association she now had with it was pain.

Pain and suffering.

Pain and suffering and Kylo Ren.

She could not deny his magnificence. Even sweaty and panting, he made her stomach flutter.

She’d gotten closer physically with him than with anyone ever in her life. No one had touched her as much as he had. The touching remained strictly impersonal; he never gave her cause to think he was ever anything but deadly and professional. But her awareness of him as a man, a man she was certain she would kiss if given half the chance, was growing to a point where she didn’t know how to act around him.

She wasn’t sure of herself in matters of the heart. She wasn’t even sure if she could categorize these feelings she was developing for Kylo _as_ matters of the heart.

She wished she could talk to someone about him and how he made her feel. She would never say anything to Kylo himself. That would be mortifying. And she knew there could never be anything between them. He was a hired killer. And she was just someone who’d stumbled into his path.

Rey went down on the mat particularly hard when Kylo swiped her feet out from under her with a long tree trunk sized leg.

Stars slowly swept across her vision, lazy, unhurried, until her breath returned to a normal cadence. She raised herself up and rubbed at her injured shoulder. It did not pain her as much as other body parts that had been stretched, pulled, prodded and abused in the past days. Muscles were hurting her in places that had never hurt before.

A large hand closed down on her hair and pulled.

“What’s this new hairstyle?” Kylo asked her while dragging her away.

Rey knew the drill. She clamped her hands over his and started assessing his weaknesses. She sank into a wider, heavier stance, keeping the pressure off her hair, and turned toward him. The crook of his elbow was the closest, weakest mark. She brought her forearm down hard on it, and that action caused his face to sink closer to hers. She immediately lashed out, sending a blow to his throat.

But he didn’t let her go.

He went down and brought her with him. She landed with her spine on top of his stomach. She had no time to think about how her body was smashed against his body. She never stopped twisting and moving, shoving her feet against his kneecaps. His hold changed to a choke hold from behind. She pulled against the thick arm circling her neck, turned her head to the path of least resistance, and twisted away from him.

Once on her feet, she simulated a heel strike to his crotch while he was still down and she was able to get out of his range of reach.

At a safe distance now, she straightened the buns she’d styled down the back of her head.

“It’s called Ass-Kicking Hair,” she panted. She bent at the waist and rested her hands on her knees and caught her breath.

Grappling with a man of Kylo’s size took a lot of energy. Her level of exhaustion following their workouts was telling of how unfit her body truly was. He, on the other hand, looked even better with damp hair that constantly fell over his eyes.

The best word she could come up for him in those moments was _alluring._

He stood to his full height, staring down at her from behind all that black hair.

_So kriffing alluring._

“Can you swim?” he asked her.

She blinked. Stood straight. What a concept, a kid from the desert, a swimmer.

“No. Never had the chance.”

“Let’s go.” He started for the stairs.

“Now?” It was already dark out.

“Come on. It can be part of your training.”

She was thankful for the lit path that led down to the lake. The deck and pier built into the side of the hill provided seating and an outdoor kitchen to grill food. It was a place for parties and fun.

Trepidation kept her from the edge of the pier. There were lights that bled out into the darkness, but the black water below didn’t entice her at all.

Kylo didn’t have that problem. He was already stripping off clothes, much to Rey’s excitement and dismay. Disrobed down to his black underpants, she watched as Kylo launched himself off the edge of the pier, knees drawn to his chest. His back split the water first.

The splash hit her with the force of a thousand ice chips. She gasped. There was no way she was getting in that cold black lake.

When he finally came up for air, she said, “I’m just going to go back to my room. I’m tired. Very, very tired.”

She didn’t make it across the deck.

Kylo came out of the water and right up behind her. He grabbed her up in his arms and turned her toward the lake. The shock and surprise of his cold wet body wrapped around her caused her stomach to fly away to a new dimension. But her new combative instincts kicked in and she stomped his leg just above his ankle, sending them both to the boards beneath them.

“Ow,” he groaned in her ear.

He was cold and clammy against her. She shivered and twisted out of his slippery grip. She also stepped far enough away from him so he wouldn’t catch her again.

Rey had learned her lessons well.

Kylo didn’t get up. Rey looked down at him with worry.

“Are you okay?”

“You got me good that time.” He hissed as he stood, favoring the leg she’d stomped on.

She’d landed some particularly vicious hits on him over the last few days. His head was scabbed and bruised over his right eye. There were purple splotches on his arms and legs. There were also teeth marks puncturing his forearms.

Rey had done all of that.

The two of them had gone hard at training. She could tell Kylo held himself back from his full strength when she scrapped with him, but he had encouraged her to hold nothing back.

She watched as he limped to pick up his abandoned clothes.

“I would offer to help you up the steps, but I’m afraid you’re just playing at being hurt so you can distract me and throw me into the lake.”

His eye twitched and the corner of his lip curled.

“Why didn’t you want to get in the water?” he asked as he stepped closer to her.

Rey averted her eyes from his chest, stared instead at the wet hair plastered to his face. 

“The water’s cold.”

He hummed. “Is that the only reason?”

Yes.

No.

Maybe.

The reasons were many. She’d never been in a lake before. She didn’t know how to swim. She could drown. It was dark. She couldn’t see the bottom. There may be something in the water. She might have been a little scared. She may be intimidated by Kylo in a setting where he didn’t have on clothes and she had no way to defend herself. She would have to hold on to him without his clothes. She would have to rely solely on Kylo if she went into the water.

“Yes?” she squeaked.

“You’re a bad liar, Rey.”

Indignant, she responded with, “You don’t know me well enough to say that.”

He dipped closer, his eyes on hers. “I know this. You’re the curious sort, always asking questions. You’re brave, even when the world is falling down around you. You care deeply. You learn quickly. You’re tough. The circumstances you came from don’t define you, and yet there is a purity that shines out of you that blinds me every time I look at you. You’re so full of light, and I…”

Rey held her breath, hoping, dreading he would continue.

“I can tell when you lie,” he finished abruptly, backing away.

“Oh.” She couldn’t meet his eyes. Her face was burning. All this talk of bravery and compliments, she didn’t know what to do with it. And it was now apparent that she would not be able to fib around Kylo.

“Do you trust me?” he asked.

A deep breath left her. Kylo belonged to something darker than she could understand. She didn’t have all the details of his life, but killing for money had to be a brutal way to live. That wasn’t normal. Comprehending the reasons that would drive someone to do what Kylo did was beyond her.

If it wasn’t for the fact that she had seen the arsenal of weapons he carried wherever he went, she wouldn’t have ever guessed he was a contract killer. He had tremendous self-control, kept to himself, and had fine manners. He’d saved her from certain death. He’d kept her alive. He was kind to her. He’d seen to her needs. And he was also teaching her to defend herself.

To her, all of the reasons she had for answering in the negative were far surpassed by the reasons that made her say, “Yes.”

Because she did trust him.

The truth? Kylo Ren was the only person she had left in the world that she could trust.

The warm night air pulsed around them as their gazes caught and held. After long moments, Kylo raised his hand, offering it to her palm up.

His stoic face had softened in ways that she already knew wasn’t customary for him. He was waiting patiently for her, palm wide, long fingers still reaching. 

Rey found that she was in a new kind of danger.

She’d never met anyone like this man, but her heart recognized something in him that she couldn’t deny.

She liked him.

If she liked him, she was in danger of losing herself to him.

The darkness in him filled her with concern, but that didn’t stop her from moving closer to him. Her hand was so heavy as she raised it to his. This was all part of learning how to swim, wasn’t it? Taking a chance. Stepping off into the unknown. Trying to stay afloat. Trying not to drown.

She would take this one moment with him and she would keep it close to her soul. She would not let the dark have it.

His hand was firm as it grasped hers, his eyes… so warm. She could get lost in them.

He threw his clothes down on the deck. “Hold your breath and jump.”

“Just don’t let go of me,” she pleaded.

“I’ve got you.”

The cold stunned her entire body as they went under. Mild panic clawed at her, but Kylo’s hand was stronger.

She curled into him when she came up for air. There was no bottom for her feet to stand on. Her hands went to his broad shoulders.

She tried very hard not to stare at his sculpted chest in the moonlight. He steadied her with his hands on her waist. She tried very hard not to dwell on how large his hands felt on her.

She tried, she failed.

The breath shuddered out of her. Everything tingled and warmed where his hands touched her. Yes, the water was cold, but her skin burned through her clothes.

“Kick your feet now. It’ll help you stay afloat.”

Her focus caught and held on his wet lips.

His strong shoulders warmed her hands.

She followed his instructions as best she could and found she took to the water just fine. It was a free feeling, swimming, being weightless.

He enticed her farther out into the water, and she went, forever being pulled in by the force of his gravity.

He taught her to float, his hands at different times on her back, her belly, her wrists and ankles. His touch was magic on her skin. He probably had no idea what he was doing to her.

She watched the stars and caught her breath while floating on her back, the water creating a vacuum of otherworldly sound in her ears.

After all the work they’d been doing and the lateness of the hour, Rey began to grow weary. Kylo tapped on her hand and she saw him tilt his head toward the pier. She took advantage of his retreating back and latched onto his shoulders, her knees resting at his hips.

Her blood pulsed slow and thick through her veins.

His broad shoulders turned to steel beneath her fingertips.

“No free rides,” he told her, a slight hitch in his voice.

“I’m about to fall asleep,” she replied. “Do you want me to drown?”

He didn’t answer, but his big hands secured her knees tighter to his sides. Rey’s arms slipped around his neck and she rested her head near his. Her lips touched the column of his throat.

She knew that it wouldn’t be long before they parted, and she wanted to make the most of being near him like this. What she felt for him was uncharted waters in which she had no idea how to swim.

But he would never know, and she would never tell that her feelings for him were blossoming into something that terrified her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Island by SVRCINA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f41dgqET2uY)


	12. Chapter 12

Kylo palmed his phone the second it began to ring. He’d been expecting the call.

“Ren.”

“Got your message. What’s the, uh, situation?”

“I’m about to go dark. But I’ve got a package. A very important package. It’s a girl. She’s here with me at the lake. She’s a target, but I don’t know why yet. I’m going to go deal with it.

“There could be complications. I need you to do something for me.”

There was a pause on the other end of the line, then, a less enthusiastic reply, “Let’s hear it.”

Kylo eased from one foot to the other, uncomfortable with what he was about to say.

“I may not make it out alive this time.”

There was muffled cursing on the other end of the line.

“I want you to take her someplace safe. Make sure she’s okay if I don’t come back. See that she has a good life.”

“Kid, you really take the cake. If I was there right now I’d kick your ass all the way to the next solar system. I can’t believe I’m hearing this. What the hell am I supposed to tell your mother?”

He heard clanging noises in the background over the line, then a snarling response to someone else. “ _Get that pilot out of the cockpit. I want to give him a piece of my mind._ ” Then back to Kylo, “Damn it, Ben…”

“No names,” Kylo hissed.

A disgruntled silence. “When do I need to pick up this _package?”_

“Today.”

“That doesn’t give me a lot of time, son.”

Kylo ground his teeth. “I’ll make it worth your while.”

“You really are a son of an asshole.”

Then he was talking to someone else. _“Chewie! Get this bird ready, we’ve got to make a last minute change to the flight schedule.”_ A pause. _“Takodana. Yes, that’s what I said. You need to have your hearing checked. Pluck those ear hairs, old man.”_

Back to Kylo. “Yeah, I’ll see what I can do.”

“Good.” Kylo hesitated. “Sounds like you’ve got a lot going on. Don’t you think it’s about time you retired?”

“Is that a hint of worry I detect?”

“No.” Kylo scowled. He’d shunned sentiment years ago, cut it out of him, just like he’d done with his own heart

“Keep it quiet when you fly in. Don’t turn any heads. She could be in danger. It’s too dangerous for her to stay with me anymore. She’ll need to assume a new identity. About twenty years old. Brown hair. Hazel eyes. I trust you know how to accomplish that.”

“Son,” the man began across the line. But Kylo stopped him.

“Thank you,” Kylo murmured.

A sigh. “Don’t thank me yet. Still thinking about kicking your ass when I see you.”

The line went dead.

Kylo tapped the phone against his thigh before tossing it back into the duffle.

He’d never had a good relationship with his father, but he had a fantastic business relationship with Han Solo.

He didn’t often think back to his life before he became Kylo Ren. It was too… painful. But unbidden memories flooded his mind. _The laughter of a young boy, trusting brown eyes, always looking up to him, eager to do every little thing he tried to do._

He stopped himself short. He had no time for the past. Had no time for the water that leaked from the corner of his eye.

Kylo’s gaze shifted to the dawn breaking over the mountains. It would be the last hours he would spend with Rey, and he still had much yet to teach her.

He swiped a sleeve over his face, picked up a set of boxes from his bed and went to find her.

She was on the deck, quietly absorbing the morning. He liked her quiet way. He liked so much about her, and he knew how wrong it was for him to form an attachment to her.

But he would never tell her, and she would never know.

\---

Down in the basement, where a single lane firing range had been built into the mountain under the house, Rey learned to shoot.

Firing a gun was as exciting as it was intimidating. The trigger was not her friend. She would need a lot of practice to get the right feel for it.

Rey half remembered all the stuff Kylo explained to her about dominant eye, aiming, squinting, and smooth trigger pull. How to breathe.

_Don’t flinch._

Then there was the rest of his talk on stance and arm control and rules.

_Always_ with his rules.

“Treat every gun like it’s loaded,” he’d said as he unboxed the brand new pistol.

“Always point it in a safe direction. Don’t put your finger on the trigger unless you’re ready to shoot. Don’t load this gun until you’re ready to shoot it. Only use the proper ammunition.”

He began sliding bullets into the magazine.

“Never point a gun at anything you don’t plan to destroy.”

He pulled back the slide at the top and peered down into the barrel. “Make sure the barrel is clear before loading or shooting.” 

He showed her how to use a proper holster, and had a few variations for her to try.

“Whatever you do,” he told her, “don’t ever stick the barrel of a freshly fired gun down your pants. You’ll burn the kriff out of yourself. Idiots don’t even do that.”

He drilled her on loading a magazine with the bullets her gun used. He drilled her on checking to see if the chamber was loaded. He drilled her on safety. He drilled her on the controls. What to do if it misfired. Maintenance. Cleaning.

Kylo turned pensive as he watched her through her drills. He finally spoke. “We’re going to have company soon.”

That was a surprising statement to Rey. She didn’t think Kylo was the type to entertain guests.

“Really? Who?”

“An older man. Has a scar on his chin.” Kylo absently drug the side of his thumb along his own chin. “His name is Han Solo.”

“I thought that was code.” She sent a smirk his way.

He cut her with a lazy look.

“Just don’t shoot him if you see him. He’s… I suppose he’s a friend.” He stumbled over the word ‘friend’ like it was foreign language to him.

Rey hoped she never had to shoot anyone. She shrugged anyway.

“I’d probably miss if I tried.”

Kylo dropped four more boxes of bullets on the table before her.

“Practice. I’ll be upstairs.”

She watched him go, thinking he was acting weird.

“Kylo?”

He turned to face her once again. She almost told him to forget it. Sudden embarrassment caused her to redden and go quiet.

He only regarded her, waiting, his expression almost gentle.

Her eyes fell to the floor.

“Why didn’t you just shoot me when you found out I was supposed to be part of your contract?”

A great exhale left him almost angrily. She looked up again to see his face darken.

“I have a lifetime of regrets. You will not be one of them.” His eyes burned into her for a long time.

She still felt the effect of those eyes long after he left.

Sniffing back sudden emotion, she put the earmuffs on her head and prepared to fire off all the rounds she could while she had the chance.

Several hours passed before Rey felt competent with her new weapon. All her targets were in tatters and spent bullet casings, which she didn’t know what to do with, littered the floor at her feet. She swept it all into a pile and then began to clean her gun the way Kylo had shown her.

She felt a fresh sense of accomplishment with this new skill. She no longer thought of herself as helpless anymore. She knew how to protect herself. But she still hungered for more knowledge and almost looked forward to what Kylo would decide to teach her next.

Rey’s heart stopped when she opened the door of the small passage and found someone unfamiliar in the basement with her. The past days of Kylo’s caution and training kicked her pulse into high gear.

It took a moment for her to remember that he was expecting a guest.

She looked at the man. Something about the shape of him seemed oddly familiar. He was older, had gray hair, a largish nose, and a scar on his chin. He wore serviceable clothes, tall boots and a vest. He could be considered handsome and probably turned a lot of heads when he was younger.

His face conveyed confusion as he looked her over as well.

“Hello,” she said, wondering why Kylo wasn’t down here with the man.

“How much time do you need? We’ve got a hot bird on the runway,” the man’s deep grumble filled the space.

“I’m sorry?”

“A plane. Down on the airfield. Waiting.” He tossed a thumb up and over his shoulder.

A plane waiting? A little thrill worked its way up her spine.

“Kylo didn’t say we were flying anywhere.” She smiled at the man. “Are you Han Solo?”

The side of his mouth tipped up in a slow smile as well.

“Yeah. Did he tell you about me?”

Rey’s eyebrows came together. “Oh. No. Kylo only said that you were coming. And that I shouldn’t shoot you.”

He seemed a bit crestfallen, but he also rolled his eyes. “Nice of him.”

She shrugged slightly, unsure of how to respond, and started up the stairs. She took all her new shooting supplies to her bedroom and startled when Han Solo followed her in.

“Get packed up, kid. We don’t have a lot of time.”

“Oh. Right. I only need a few minutes.” There wasn’t a whole lot to pack, but she did pull out the few things she had on hangers in the closet. Should she wear her gun on the flight? She wasn’t sure, so she left it in the box and put it in her suitcase. All her hygiene items went in last.

When she rolled her case out to the open den area, she expected to see Kylo waiting too.

He wasn’t there.

Frowning, she ducked inside his bedroom. All was tidy; nothing was out of place and all his stuff was gone. There was no black duffle bag. No large sleek gun case.

Han Solo gave her an expectant look from the front door. He tilted his head, indicating it was time for her to go.

“Is Kylo already outside?” she asked.

Han’s hands went to his hips. “He’s not here. Come on.”

“Not here?” She looked around her once more. But he _was_ here, wasn’t he? He wouldn’t have left her there. Would he?

She ran to the garage entrance off the kitchen and burst inside. The AT was still in the far bay. The pickup in the first. But the middle bay was empty.

The classic sports car was missing.

She stepped back into the house and went to the front door, past Han, and looked out on the driveway. No sports car. Only an idling sedan that she hadn’t seen before.

No Kylo.

Han had the house locked up and her suitcase halfway to the car.

“Is Kylo waiting for us at the plane?” she asked. A queasy feeling settled in her belly. She wrapped an arm around her middle.

“Doubt it.” He slammed the trunk closed on her case and opened the passenger door for her. “Get in.”

She hesitated. What happened? Where did he go?

Tears threatened to fall. “Maybe he’s coming back?” she asked tentatively.

“Let’s get on the road, kid,” Han called from inside the car.

An unwanted sob worked its way up from her chest. She covered her mouth to hold it in. What was this intense emotion? It threatened to choke her.

She sat down in the passenger’s seat beside Han in a daze. She looked back to the house, sure she’d missed something.

The car began to move and her tears blurred their departure. Another cracking sob forced its way out of her. She stuffed her fist in her mouth. Her hands smelled of gunpowder. She remembered how Kylo had told her to keep her eyes open and to avoid flinching, his big hands warmly cradling hers around the handgun for only a moment before lifting away.

He already _had_ her.

She was already lost to him.

In that frightening moment of realization, her heart broke in two.

She didn’t want to leave him.

But _he’d left her._

Weren’t they becoming a team? Or was that only her wishful thinking?

It had taken many years for her to understand abandonment. As a child, she’d been too young to know that she’d been left behind in an orphanage. But as she aged, she’d seen other children dropped off in Niima. By then, she came to realize that the same thing had happened to her.

Now she felt a brand new sense of loss.

That she was unwanted.

Again.

“Aw, hell. Didn’t he tell you he was leaving?”

Rey’s head hung low. She shook it. He was gone and she would probably never see him again.

She covered her mouth, hating that she was crying in front of this stranger.

Han cursed under his breath.

It was an uncomfortable drive. Rey tried to control her emotions. She couldn’t figure out why she thought of Kylo leaving her as a betrayal of sorts. She knew he wasn’t hers. She _knew_ that.

Providence, however, had placed him in her life as someone she’d had no choice but to trust with all her being. She had relied on him for her survival. And he had never disappointed her. He had taken care of her. Taught her things. They had formed a bond.

The maddening pain in her chest was a reminder that she hadn’t imagined his fierce tenderness toward her in the past week.

Kylo Ren had tunneled his way into her heart. His being gone? It left her empty in a horrifying way.

“Where are you from, kid?” Han Solo asked, breaking her free from further introspection.

Rey sniffed and wiped her face. She hated these tears. She hated this feeling. She finally focused on the road in front of her and was able to give him an answer.

“Jakku.”

Han made a sound of distaste. “Family there?”

She shook her head. “Orphanage there.”

“Huh,” was all he said for a few minutes.

Eventually, he put his hand on a folder that sat between them and he pushed it over. It bumped against her thigh.

“This is your new identity.”

Startled, Rey eyed the folder of papers. Then she stared at the side of Han’s face as she picked the folder up. There was a name on the first page that stopped her short.

“Ursula Kuat?”

Han cringed. “Yeah, sorry about that. Had I known you better, I might have picked out something a little more… suitable.”

Rey didn’t feel like reading anymore of the pages. She’d never had parents or a family. She’d lost all her belongings. Her friends. She’d lost Kylo. _Her heart._ She’d already lost herself in more ways than one, what was losing her name?

“You know, I was an orphan, like you,” he told her.

“Oh.”

Han sighed. “So, uh, what kinds of things are you into? Do you have a trade or hobbies, something like that?”

A small glimmer of remembrance dashed across her mind. The corner of her mouth lifted in a sad smile. She hadn’t lost all of herself.

“Yeah. I’m a mechanic.”

“No foolin’? How about that. Have you ever worked with aircraft?” Han sounded pleasantly surprised.

“I’ve never had the chance to be around planes, but it’s something that I’d definitely like to try.”

Han cracked a satisfied laugh. “Kylo never mentioned that you and I would have so much in common.”

Her ears perked up at Kylo’s name. “You talked to him? About me? What else did he say?”

Han flashed her a quick look, his eyebrows drawing down. “Sorry, kid. He’s really not the type for small talk.”

“No,” she agreed. “But what did he tell you?”

“He said it was too dangerous for the two of you to be together and that you were in need of a new identity. He said,” Han stopped short. “Some other things. So tell me,” he hedged. “How well do you know him?”

“How well do _you_ know him?” she countered, determined to protect Kylo, even though he’d left her—to protect her? And now it was too dangerous for them to be together?

“I asked you first.”

She bit her lip and stared out the window, shoulders slumped again.

“I trusted him,” she said softly, even though it was more than just an issue of trust for her. 

“That well, huh?” He sighed, took in another deep breath. Hesitated. “Are you his girlfriend? Are you pregnant?”

She snapped to attention and her eyes whipped to Han. _“What?”_

_“Well?”_ he asked, voice rising uncomfortably.

She could feel her neck and chest and her whole face heat up to inferno-like temperatures.

“No,” she said. But she sounded bleak. She was ashamed of how bleak her denial sounded. She should have been outraged at such a notion of being Kylo’s abandoned, pregnant girlfriend. But she wasn’t.

She was gutted.

“Not that it would have been a bad thing,” Han raised a hand, palm out, and gave a small shrug.

“For who?” she asked, bewildered and slightly incredulous, wondering at the strange turn the conversation had taken.

“For me,” he stated like it was obvious. “I’ve never been opposed to the idea of grandchildren.”

Rey blinked.

Then she blinked some more.

“Am I to understand… that Kylo’s children would be… _your_ grandchildren?” she asked with deliberate slowness.

He raised a palm half off the steering wheel and gave her a squint-eyed, lazy smile.

“You and I have a lot to talk about,” she murmured. 

“You bet your ass we do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Glass Heart feat. Sam Tinnesz](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9O1z99u465U)


	13. Chapter 13

Han returned the car he’d borrowed from someone else at the airfield. From there, he led the way to a large gray freight plane readying for takeoff.

Up the ramp and into the belly, Rey saw a variety of things strapped down inside: huge crates, a boat, and also a vehicle that was wrapped in plastic.

Han stowed her suitcase and motioned for her to follow him deeper into the belly of the plane. There was a tiny passenger area and then a cockpit with two seats and a plethora of buttons, switches, and levers surrounding a clear windscreen. In one of the seats was a massive man with long brown and silver hair who also had a long beard.

“Chewie, this is Ursula Kuat. Ursula, this is my right hand man, Chewbacca.”

Hearing her new name was jarring. Chewbacca’s gigantic hand even more so, as he greeted her with a swallowing handshake and a friendly grumble of, “Hey, hey.”

She nodded and smiled as best she could, feeling like a piece of fragile glass. She felt more at ease when she noticed how kind Chewbacca’s eyes were.

Han directed her to a passenger seat and told her to strap in. There was a small window to her left. A heavy aviation headset was plopped into her lap, and Han mimed that she put it on. The noise of the plane immediately silenced and she gave him a flat smile. He adjusted her microphone before he got into the pilot’s seat.

She heard sound coming through the headphones.

“How’s that, Ursula? Let me know if you can hear me.”

“Uh, yes. Yes, I can hear you.”

She heard Chewbacca’s rumbling voice next. “Welcome to Solo Flight and Air Freight, Ursula. We are about to make departure.”

The tail end of the plane clapped closed, and Rey felt everything begin to move. Her hands clamped down on the armrests.

“I’ve never flown on a plane before,” she told them into the microphone.

Chewbacca laughed, low and husky.

Han Solo said, “It’ll change your life, kid.”

She listened without comment as Chewbacca and Han chattered back and forth, and as they communicated with the control tower. The big plane rumbled beneath her, picking up speed. The tiny window to her left was her only insight to what was happening on the outside world, which was tipping in the wrong direction.

The plane stopped vibrating so hard and she saw that they were actually lifting off the ground. A couple of hard thumps rattled her seat and Chewbacca indicated that it was only the landing gear folding away.

Her heart was already thrilling with this new adventure, but she couldn’t deny the dark clouds at the back of her mind.

Here she was again, thrown into a situation where she had to rely on another stranger.

Han and Chewbacca seemed nice enough, but she _missed_ Kylo. She rubbed her breastbone, so surprised that she was hurting this badly. Was she supposed to just move on with her life? Forget him? What was she going to do next? It was blatantly obvious how little control she had at the moment.

Kylo had decided where she was going without even telling her. Without even saying goodbye. And there was still that element of hidden danger dogging her every move.

“How you doing back there, Ursula?” Han asked.

Rey picked at her fingernails, biting her lip against more tears. “Okay. You know, I really can’t stand that name. How about a nickname?”

“Nickname?” Chewbacca barked. “People call me Chewie.” He hummed a moment. “Ursula means little bear. Does that fit?”

“I like that less,” she stated.

There was a stretch of staticky silence. “Sula,” Chewie eventually crooned over the radio.

“Hey! Sula,” Han repeated.

“Sula,” Rey whispered. Then, “I can live with that.”

\---

Their days together just grew more dangerous.

Snoke was on the hunt for Kylo Ren. And on the hunt for Rey.

So he had to make this decision.

He knew it was time to let her go.

He’d make sure she got away safely with Han Solo. Han could give her anonymity and a safe environment. He could provide her a real home if he wanted to.

Watching from the hill across from the mountain house, Kylo saw a small nondescript car pull up the drive. He brought a set of binocs to his eyes and tracked his father’s steps up to the front door.

After Han went inside, he waited.

Kylo couldn’t bring himself to stay and say goodbye to her in person. He didn’t know how. Didn’t know if he could. So it was better that he left her this way. Better for her. Easier for him.

_Not honorable, Ren._

His jaw worked and his teeth clenched.

He was convinced this was the more honorable way. He didn’t know what he would have done had he been there for her departure. Probably something uncharacteristically sentimental.

He watched through the binocs as she burst out of the house. _Looking for something._ Han followed behind her.

Aw, hell. She was crying. Or trying not to.

Yes. This was the right decision. He wouldn’t have let her leave. He would have done something stupid like grab her and hold her and kiss her and never let her go.

It would have been to their detriment had he stayed. The only sure thing he could offer her was his sinking world of death.

He swallowed hard and followed behind the car Han and Rey were in down the mountain.

He watched from the balcony of Maz Kanata’s stone fortress near the airfield as his father’s freighter took off from the runway. The old Falcon was Han’s favorite flyer. No doubt his co-pilot, Chewie, was by his side in the cockpit.

And Rey. Rey was with them, safely away from him.

Safely hidden, he hoped.

His hands clamped on the rail of the balcony. He had regrets like he’d told her earlier. More of them now that he’d had to leave her. But it would only bring harm if he dwelt on the regrets.

He knew this was the right thing to do for her. Let her go someplace safe. Be with people who could care for her. She needed good strong ground beneath her. He could not give her that. He was accustomed to being alone. He didn’t want her to be alone.

Putting distance between each other was also good because he’d begun to want things from her.

Kylo’s death was most assuredly inevitable.

He had a new mission now. It would be his last mission. Rey was being hunted and he planned to find out why. He planned to clear her name from the Order’s records so that she’d never be a target again.

He straightened to his full height, fists clenched, jaw tight. Full of purpose.

Maz had completed his order and had it waiting for him below. Guns, ammo, a new bulletproof suit.

He didn’t know when everything would come to a head, but when it did, he would be ready. He would be ready for whatever the Order or Snoke threw at him.

Kylo turned his eyes to the sky once more, giving Rey a silent goodbye that he should have given her in person.

What he didn’t understand was how could someone with no heart still feel so deeply?

_I’m above this kind of need. Temptation is a seductive thing. Yet, why am I tempted, and why am I letting that temptation sink its teeth into me without fighting it off?_

_She is nothing._

_She has no power over me._

_But somehow, she owns me._

\---

Han and Chewie made several stops at different airports in different provinces, dropping off the boat and the vehicle and crates in Naboo, Coruscant, and Hoth. The final stop, their home port, as Chewie called it, was the province of Alderaan.

Night had fallen a few hours ago.

A series of hangars along the side of the brightly lit Alderaan port belonged to Solo Flight and Air Freight.

Once they’d taxied inside, Rey could see how large Han’s operation was. He had multiple planes, jets, and another freighter. He had several people in his employ: pilots, mechanics, and office staff.

One of Han’s crew that Rey got to meet was Rose Tico, who worked as an aviation mechanic. Rey was particularly interested in her line of work. She also met Poe Dameron, one of Han’s other pilots. He flew the sleek private jets that were chartered by the rich and famous.

Rey stood aside holding tight to her rolling suitcase and watched the bustling around her. She appreciated the smell of the fuel and oil and the hard work it took to keep everything in an operation like this running smoothly.

Han handed off a clipboard with a thick stack of papers to a scheduling secretary. He caught sight of Rey and motioned her with a jerk of his head to an office toward the back of the hangar. She recognized that head movement as the same one that Kylo had used on her. No wonder she had thought there was something familiar about Han Solo.

Han Solo reminded her of Kylo Ren.

“Hey, Sula. Let’s talk in my office for a bit. Got some things to go over.”

She followed and took a seat amidst what she thought of as utterly organized chaos.

Han was not a neat freak. She knew how Kylo liked to keep things clean and orderly. She mentally noted how they were not alike in this aspect of their lives. There were stacks of things and parts and crates and all manner of items in every nook and open area of his personal office space. The place was dusty and dirty.

She gingerly moved a box of machine parts aside with the toe of her boot so she wouldn’t kick it over. Han had to shove a pile of boxes out of the way just so he could close the door.

“Now,” he began. “This conversation stays between you and me. Got it?”

Rey nodded and gave Han her full attention.

“I want to be upfront with you so you understand how things are.” He eased back in the chair behind his cluttered desk and grimaced. “No one here knows about Kylo Ren, who he is or what he does. He’s a regular customer only. No one knows that he’s… that he’s my son. I’ve not even told his mother about our working relationship. My wife only knows that her son is alive and that he won’t come home.” He held her stare, making sure he was being heard.

Rey couldn’t help but frown. What had happened in Kylo’s life to put him on the path he now walked? His mother didn’t know he was a hired killer?

Rey sucked in a huge breath and let it out slowly. “I understand,” she said, even though she didn’t. Not really.

“But why doesn’t his mother know about him?” She couldn’t stop the question once it formed in her mind.

Han leaned forward to rest his forearms on the desk. He idly flicked a precarious stack of paperwork with his finger and eyed her quietly.

Voice low, he asked, “You know what he does?”

Rey nodded. “Do you?”

His heavy brow fell over his hazel eyes. “I know enough. I can imagine the rest. He contacted me, I don’t know, it’s been about twelve years ago now. Said he would hire me to fly him. I didn’t know the name he’d given. Didn’t know it was him until he got on my plane.”

Han stopped, staring off at nothing, deep in his memories. “I knew immediately that it was my boy.” An anguished, cracked laugh. “But he wasn’t, not anymore.

“I asked him question after question. I knew the cargo he’d brought along with him; weapons. After the first landing I waited for his return. When he boarded for the flight home, he came back with blood all over him.”

Han’s eyes met hers. “It wasn’t his blood. I was too afraid to ask more after that. I was too afraid to say no the next time he called and chartered a flight. This is the only connection I’ve had with my son since he ran away from home when he was twelve years old.

“And now there’s you.” Han’s leather jacket creaked as he leaned forward and regarded her closely like she was a part to a machine that he couldn’t figure out what to do with.

“That brings me to another matter.” He blinked, severing his intense speculation of her person.

“Kylo wanted me to make sure that, uh, you be kept safe. He says you’re in some kind of danger. He didn’t elaborate. But,” he sighed, “I want to do what he wishes. So.”

Han clapped his hands together. “You can work here. You don’t like it here, my wife runs a vineyard. She’s always hiring good people.” He sat back and crossed his arms over his chest. Waiting.

“But you don’t know me. I don’t know you. And you’re offering me a job?”

“It’s not exactly a picnic working for me. We’re flying every day, all over the planet, and tensions run high. If you’re serious about mechanic work, you can train here for a while before I approve you to even touch my birds. I’ve got time to get to know you. To get to know your work ethic. And just so you know, I won’t tolerate any bullshit.”

“Oh. Right.” She swallowed, thinking that Kylo definitely inherited his intensity from his dad. She only slightly understood the rigors and the pressures on an airplane mechanic as opposed to a ground vehicle mechanic. Would she be up for the challenge?

“What kind of experience have you had as a mechanic?” he asked.

“There was an old man who owned a junkyard back in Niima. He was mean, but he let me tinker with his salvage-built cars. He taught me how engines worked. He showed me how to put cars together piece by piece. I built my own speeder bike from wrecks left in the lot, and that’s how I got paid. But then the old man left and I got a job at a garage on the southside of Niima.”

She frowned and blinked. “But my first day on the job was when I met… Kylo.”

“And Kylo wasn’t there to get his oil changed, was he?”

Rey shook her head slowly, giving Han a meaningful look.

Han sighed. “I’m willing to give you a shot. And I’ll give you a place to stay. I’ll be honest and say I don’t think you should be out by yourself anywhere at any time.”

“Where would I stay?”

Han’s eyebrows raised and then lowered just as quickly. He waved a hand. “Leia—my wife—and I live in a big house, too big for only two people. There’s plenty of rooms to choose from. And I only offer because Kylo asked it of me.”

He ran a hand over his face. “There’s not been a lot that I could do for my son, in a personal way, but this is something I’m willing to help with.”

His eyes cut back to her. “And that’s the only reason I would open my home to a stranger.”

Rey frowned. She understood him. She wasn’t exactly welcome, but she wasn’t exactly free to go, either. She didn’t know what or how to feel in that moment. She was still reeling about Kylo leaving and about everything else that had happened to her in the past week.

“How long are we to go on like this?” she asked.

“I don’t know. We’ll take it one day at a time and keep moving forward.”

Rey sighed and crushed her fingers together.

“Maybe,” she began, finding it difficult to speak. “Maybe it would be better for everyone if I just disappeared.”

Han watched her for a long time, and his rheumy eyes softened. He cleared his throat and looked away.

“I, uh, saw the way you reacted back at the lake house.” He tapped his fingers together and let out a breath. “You have feelings for him, don’t you.”

As much as she tried to keep it together, her face crumpled. Trembling with unchecked emotion, she could only nod.

Han spoke while she kept her eyes on her hands, trying to regain her composure.

“I love my son. Doesn’t mean I like what he does. But I haven’t given up on him. And he called me to come and get you. That tells me something about you, that he sees something in you that he wants to protect.

“Maybe,” he smiled a little, “you shouldn’t give up on him either.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Fly For Your Life by GUNSHIP](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_uGDhgVTiU)


	14. Chapter 14

The adjustment to this new life was difficult for Rey.

The home that the Solos opened up to her did not feel comfortable. Perhaps she wouldn’t let herself get comfortable there, in much the same way the orphanage felt impermanent.

She’d never known a true home in her life, though she hoped to one day.

The one consolation she had was her job. There at the hangar, she could immerse herself in something tangible and familiar.

If Han Solo wanted to get an idea of Rey’s work ethic, he got an eyeful of it. She put every ounce of energy she had into learning how each of Solo Flight’s planes worked, how to maintain them, and how to repair them. The learning curve was steep, but she threw herself into the challenge. It was the one part of her life she had complete control over.

Rey knew that if she slowed down long enough to think, she would be forced to acknowledge things deep down that she had no clue how to face. Feelings that would only tear at her already tattered heart.

There were, however, bright spots in her days.

Rose Tico had become a fast friend and she was grateful that the other lady had taken Rey under her wing. They worked well alongside each other, and Rey was learning the exacting science of aviation mechanics under Rose’s steady tutelage.

Han mentioned Sula's name at a mid-week crew meeting and that he liked the work he was seeing her do. Rose told her that a compliment like that from Han Solo was high praise indeed. Rey only shrugged her shoulder, not finding the enthusiasm to care about his praise.

Rey found out that Rose had the funniest sense of humor. Her goal in life was to give Solo Flight’s jet pilot, Poe Dameron, as much shit as she could dish out. The reason for this was the ridiculous gripe reports he left for maintenance after each of his flights.

Dameron's last report stated that the “landing gear sounds like a Wookiee giving birth when being lowered.” Rose fixed the problem and then replied on the resolution report that the “gear was properly lubed. Congratulations, Dameron, you’re a daddy.”

Rose had warned Rey about Poe and his antics. Rose nudged Rey from behind the wing assembly and lifted her chin to show her where she was looking.

“There’s Poe. He’s staring at you, the creepy old flirt.”

Rey glanced up and, indeed, saw Poe gazing their way. Poe wasn’t old. He may have been in his thirties, dark brown hair, dark eyes, and honestly, roguishly handsome.

She shook her head and went back to work. “He calls me a grease monkey. So don’t worry,” Rey responded. “I don’t want to flirt with him.”

Rose hummed as she continued tinkering on the engine. “Already got your eye on someone else?” she teased.

Sucking in a deep, calming breath, Rey thought about a raven-haired man who possessed such an interesting face. She’d conjured that face in her mind more times than she could count over the past weeks.

Rose snorted, riffling the black hair that had curled around her face. “You’re taking too long to answer. That means it’s a big fat yes.” She whacked Rey on the arm. “Who is it?” Rose’s eyes immediately scanned the other guys working in the hangar.

“Just someone I met before I began working here. I haven’t seen him in a while.”

“Oh. What’s he like?”

They both continued to work, and the corner of Rey’s mouth raised in half a smile.

“Tall, dark and mysterious.” _A ghost._ Her almost-smile fell flat.

Rose went still and said, “Ooh, honey. You’re going to have to spill it all, now. Ro Ro likes tall, dark, mystery men.”

Rey thought back to the time she would have loved to have another girl to chat with about Kylo and how he made her feel. But now, she hardly knew what she could say.

“He got me out of a bad situation. He was kind to me. But I don’t think that normal people would consider him to be a kind man.”

“Oh, Sula… What was the bad situation you were in?” Rose asked, worry clouded her eyes.

Rey kept her mouth shut about getting shot. And about being hunted by an assassin. And how Kylo had murdered people in cold blood right in front of her.

“I guess you could say I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He… helped me. Gave me a place to stay. Got me on my feet again.” Vague, vague, vague. She hoped Rose wouldn’t notice.

“Why would your mystery man not be considered kind? He sounds okay to me. _No!_ ” she rasped with conviction. She splayed her hands out in front of her. “Wait, is he kinky? Is he into the weird stuff? Was he all like, ‘Who’s your daddy?’” Rose’s voice dropped lower, too eager for juicy gossip.

Rey blinked several times. “I wouldn’t know… about… that.” She cut her eyes to Rose and made a face.

“Darn.” Rose tossed a wrench back into the toolbox. “But you like this guy, right?”

Rey’s cheeks got hot while she avoided Rose’s eyes. “Yes.”

“Why don’t you call him up?”

Turning to fully face Rose, she poked at her cheek with her tongue and thought about it.

“Maybe.”

She actually didn’t have Kylo’s phone number, but Han might. She stretched over Rose’s workspace to grab another tool.

Rose sniffed a few times, crinkling her nose.

“Ew. I don’t mean to sound like an ass, but… when was the last time you had a shower, Su?”

Rey froze mid reach across Rose’s workspace, keenly aware that the day had been long and hot and by that time, she’d begun to get whiffy.

“Sorry, Ro. I ran out of deodorant a few days ago. I’ve actually run out of a lot of things. I guess I need to go to the store.”

“Me too. How about we go together after we’re off the clock?”

“Okay, sure. That works for me,” she told Rose.

And that reminded her. Rey didn’t have any money to even buy the things she needed. “I need to go talk to the boss.”

Rose waved her off and Rey went to find Han Solo, wiping her hands with a grimy rag on the way to his cluttered office. He looked up from behind round, gold-rimmed eyeglasses that dangled from the end of his nose when she knocked.

“Make it snappy. I’ve got more flight plans to fill out before I leave tonight.”

“What am I supposed to do about money? I need to go buy some essentials tonight and I can’t.” She stuck her hands into the pockets of her bright orange Solo Flight coveralls and leaned against the door frame.

“Oh, hell,” he grumbled. “I’m sorry, kid. Should have said something sooner. Payroll has been depositing your pay directly to your account. Here,” he shuffled some things around and pulled an envelope from a drawer and handed it over to her. “There’s an account card. You can use it to buy whatever you need just about anywhere.”

Confused, Rey said, “I have money in an account? How much?”

“Open it up and see.”

Tearing into the envelope, she found a black credit card, banking information, and a receipt from when the account was first opened under the identity of Ursula Kuat. There was a lot of money in it, and the date listed was from over a month ago.

“I don’t understand. How is there so much?” She knew her paychecks couldn't be _that_ good.

Han slumped back in his chair and regarded her with a frown. He lowered his voice when he said, “Kylo wanted to make sure you were provided for.”

Rey’s eyes snapped to Han’s. She held her breath as her heart beat heavily behind her ribs.

“Have you heard from him?” Hope sparkled like a glow bug flitting through Leia’s vineyard in the twilight.

Han shook his head.

And the spark fizzled out just as quickly as it came. Deflated, Rey turned to leave.

“Hey, kid.” Han’s voice stopped her. He hesitated before he said, “Don’t give up on him. I’ve been waiting twenty years.”

Unable to look Han in the eye, Rey nodded sadly, said, “Thanks for this.” She paused. “Do you happen to know how I may reach him?”

Han hefted a breath and fiddled around the stacks of paper on his desk, finally ripping the corner off a supply list, and scribbled a number on the scrap. He held it out to her.

She clutched the scrap note in her fist, but before he let it go, he asked, “What was he like?” His voice was very quiet and laced with yearning.

Rey held her breath. But she found it easy to be honest about this, about Kylo.

“Strong. Capable. Tidy.” She pointedly looked at Han’s desk. She almost smiled when she said, “Kind,” but that look melted away when she whispered the last attribute. “Deadly.”

Han let go of the scrap of paper with a nod, blinking quickly. Rey nodded too and left his office, wondering how the lives of the Solo family had gone so terribly wrong.

Rose gave her a puzzled expression once Rey returned to the engine they were tuning.

“You all right, Su? Did the boss get snippy with you?”

Rey glanced up at Rose and shook her head.

“No, actually, he’s a good boss.” A wild sense of twisted irony made her say, “Better than my last boss.”

Rose pulled a face that indicated she was impressed.

“Well, let’s get this done so we can head out. I’ll drive.”

Rey continued to work but she got distracted by the fact that all the other people at the Plutt garage were now dead. Because of her alone? She blinked and looked at Rose. She’d never forgive herself if something like that happened at Solo Flight. Was she a danger to the people here too?

An hour and a half later, they both had a few shopping bags between them. Rey was glad to finally get the things she’d needed. She had used up all the personal items Kylo had procured for her in Coruscant.

Here she was, once more, floored by another kind thing her Angel of Death had done for her. There was more than enough money in that account to buy a new speeder bike if she wanted. But, even though the money was accessible to her, she didn’t feel right about using it. It wasn’t really her money, it was Kylo’s.

“You want to grab something to eat?” Rose asked her.

“Yes,” she replied. “I don’t remember when I ate last.” Maybe the night before?

“How can you go so long without eating?” Rose asked, incredulous.

“I don’t know. I just forget sometimes.” It was easy to do when her gut was tied up in knots and her appetite was long gone.

Rose scoffed. “Let’s go put some meat on your bones, Su.”

Rey gave her a wan smile. “As long as you don’t mind sitting with a smelly grease monkey.”

Later, with full bellies, they headed back out to Rose’s little red two door coupe. A flashing sign across the street at a strip mall caught Rey’s attention. It blinked _Storm Fitness_ in neon blue, and below that, there was a banner that read _Self Defense Classes._

Rey pointed to it and told Rose that she needed to go across the street. Rose obliged her and they both stood outside the big window of the gym looking in. Exercise equipment of various kinds were lined up in rows. A wall of mirrors reflected racks of weights and a large open space padded with bright blue mats.

Rey read some of the signage about the gym that was tacked on the door. She would need to have a membership if she wanted to join the self defense classes.

A fire sputtered to life within her. It felt like years since she’d grappled with Kylo in the basement of the mountain house. She remembered all that control she wanted to take back for herself.

Rey gripped the door handle and pulled, telling Rose that she was joining.

“You are?”

Rey found the reception desk and whacked the bell sitting atop the counter. A few moments passed before a handsome man with dark skin stepped out to greet them with a bright smile.

“Good evening, ladies. Welcome to Storm Fitness. Can I interest you in a membership?”

“Yes,” Rey piped. “I’m especially interested in the self defense classes.”

“You are?” Rose parroted behind her.

“She is too,” Rey pointed her thumb at Rose.

“I am?”

“Aren’t you?” the man asked Rose.

Rey glanced at her in time to see her dissolve into a giddy, round-cheeked smile and fluttering eyelashes. “Yeah, I am,” Rose sighed.

Rey elbowed her and shot her a look. Rose stumbled, but shot the same look back to Rey.

“Excellent. I’m Finn Storm, by the way.” He began gathering paperwork and clipboards.

“I’m Rey-Sula. Ursula. But call me Sula for short. This is Rose.” Rey gestured to Rose again to distract them from her mess up. She still had not grown accustomed to her new name.

“It’s nice to meet you both. Fill these out, and then I’ll get you squared away.” He seemed to give Rose an extra long look when he handed her the clipboard.

They both giggled once Finn was out of earshot.

“You saucy minx,” Rey fired at Rose under her breath.

“Stop it,” Rose fired back, still breathless.

After they paid and checked the times for the next classes, they gave Finn a farewell and he handed them both a business card. On the way to Rose’s coupe, Rey teased her about now having Finn Storm’s phone number.

As lighthearted as Rey felt in that moment, her thoughts turned to Kylo and how much she wanted to call him and ask him how his life was going, now that she had his number burning a hole in her pocket. She almost instantly lost her nerve. It wasn’t like they’d had any deep, personal conversations in the short time they were thrown together. Kylo never gave away much, closed off as he was. Yet her limping heart didn’t want to agree with her. He’d probably opened up to her more than he had with anyone else.

“So why the sudden interest in self defense classes?” Rose asked her as they pulled out onto the highway back to the Solo house.

Rey shook herself from her sullen thoughts.

“I started training with someone before I moved here. I learned a lot from them, but I’d like to learn more. When I saw the sign, it seemed like the perfect opportunity. And now you can learn with me.”

Rose laughed. “I’ve never thought about taking classes before. But I always carry a stun gun.”

“Just you wait. You’ll be carrying a stun gun and you’ll be able to take a man down if he touches you. And admit it,” Rey gave Rose a sly look. “You wouldn’t be too put out if Finn Storm grabbed you from behind.”

Rose’s jaw dropped open as she laughed, her silky black hair shifted from side to side when she shook her head.

“I can’t believe I’m hearing this. I’m not the saucy minx. It’s you! You’re the saucy minx.”

“No, no,” she countered. “I’m just a smelly grease monkey in need of a bath.”

Rose pulled into the driveway to the Solo house and Rey thanked her for the ride. “And thank you for joining the gym with me.”

They wished each other good night.

Once inside, Rey put away her new items and showered. She wanted a glass of water before she settled in for the night and found Leia Solo in the kitchen all alone with a bottle of deep red wine.

In the short time since Rey had come to live with Han and Leia, she found that the lady of the house carried a heavy mantle of grief on her shoulders. She had retired many years ago from a profession unknown to Rey, and had begun tending her own vineyard. She had cultivated it and grown it into a large scale operation making wine and selling it to exclusive locales across the globe.

“Hi, Ms Leia,” Rey greeted.

The older woman gathered herself from her contemplation and composed a little smile.

“Sula. Come over and sit down with me. Try this new wine I’ve been developing.”

“Oh, I’ve never had wine before.”

“Well, now,” Leia began as she took down a sparkling goblet and poured a small amount. “I count it as part of my duty to introduce you.”

“What are you writing down?” Rey indicated the notepad and pen where Leia sat.

“I'm coming up with flowing, flowery descriptions to describe my wine in such a way that appeals to the pretension of sommeliers everywhere.”

Wide-eyed, Rey replied, “I only understood some of that.”

Leia waved a hand in dismissal. Rey watched her pick up her goblet of wine, delicately sniff, then taste. Rey mimicked what Leia did.

She must have made an awful face because Leia surprised her by chuckling quietly. Rey knew instantly that she did not like wine.

“Perhaps something sweeter for you, next time.”

Rey shook her head and slid the goblet away. “Sorry,” she told Leia.

“No matter. ‘Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.’ I read that on a sign somewhere.”

Rey smiled. Leia’s sense of humor was quirky and very dry, but sometimes she didn’t quite understand her. She was usually deep in her own thoughts and feelings. Han had told Rey not to speak about Kylo. Rey wondered if Leia’s son was the reason she was in a constant state of melancholy.

Thinking it was a terrible idea, she decided to learn more anyway.

“I’m sorry if this might be too personal, but why do you always seem so sad?” she asked the older woman quietly, fearing a question like this shouldn’t be voiced too loudly.

Leia sighed and eventually nodded.

“Bereavement is a funny thing,” she began. “It’s like… It’s like the sea. There may be days of still waters. There may be small ripples that ebb away as quickly as they started. Then there are days when the waves beat against the shore with such ferocity, one could easily drown. Through it all, one has to learn to swim in it.

“Perhaps I’ve never been able to learn.”

Tears formed in Rey’s eyes. She gently rested her hand on top of Leia’s.

“What happened?” she whispered.

“I had two beautiful boys, and I lost them both.”

Rey squeezed her hand, and Leia turned her hand up to reciprocate.

“It’s been many years since… My youngest, Luke, died suddenly. He was only six years old. And my oldest, Ben, ran away from home when it happened. I think… I think that it hurts worse because I know Ben is alive and he won’t come home.”

Leia nodded. Pain clouded her eyes. “Yes, that’s what hurts the most. I want him to come home to me. It’s something I can never get over.”

Rey absorbed everything Leia said. She felt every bit of the other woman’s sorrow. Rey wished she could make it better; wished that she could tell Leia what she knew about Kylo Ren, and how he’d helped her.

_Ben._ His real name was Ben.

But she couldn’t think of anything to say, and really there was nothing she could say to bring her any comfort.

_He’d had a little brother._

“Ms Leia,” she whispered as a tear slipped down her cheek. She let sorrow prevail and let words fade away.

Leia and Han had lost so much.

So had Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Wake Me Up feat. Fleurie](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tOjIa5PLqDo)   
>  [Sounds Like Somewhere by Lily & Madeleine](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j04v1PRMJT8)


	15. Chapter 15

It was a nightly routine for Rey to check her handgun.

Though it gave her anxiety to carry it on her person, she regularly released the magazine, cleared the chamber and wiped it down with a soft cloth. She held it, aimed it, memorizing the weight and feel of it in her hand. She would holster it at her side or under her arm and practice drawing it on the pristine white wall of her room.

The gun was indeed a terrifying gift, but Kylo had been the one to give it to her. Holding it connected her with the man who had left such a drastic mark on her life.

The self defense classes also connected them. All those months ago, Kylo had been an intimidating teacher, but he had helped her to realize that she was not defenseless. She and Rose had attended many classes. They’d also started lifting weights together before each class began.

Rey could tell she was stronger than she’d ever been in her life.

All because of Kylo Ren.

Trouble was, Finn had told her to cool it during a few sessions because she was too aggressive with the other participants in class.

“I know I said if you wanna hit hard, you’ve got to take some hard hits,” Finn had said to her. “I like your fire, but you’re taking it to a new level, Sula. You need to back it down a couple notches.”

Perhaps Kylo had let her attack him with more ferocity than he should have. It certainly wouldn’t be good to give someone else in her class a black eye or a broken limb. Perhaps Kylo had just wanted to give her every chance to know how to defend herself and made his attacks more real than Finn allowed in class. She made sure to be more gentle with the people who were learning alongside her.

At night, nestled in a bed fit for a princess, when the quiet weighed heavy on her and there wasn’t anything to distract her mind, she thought of him.

Sleep would elude her when the day’s work hadn’t exhausted her. Sometimes she would dream of him, foreboding in all black, his face devoid of emotion, but his eyes… His hot eyes never left her in dreams. She longed to know where he was and if he was okay.

She didn’t want to forget him, and she feared she would never see him again.

It hurt.

Would she be able to get over him?

The life she now led wasn’t really her own. Han and Leia were wonderful to her and she was growing more fond of them as time moved on.

They’d given her a job and a place to stay, but she knew she couldn’t make their house her permanent home. She knew she couldn’t turn them into her very own family. She couldn’t even use her own name.

Rey was adrift, so she held on tight to the things that made her feel like herself: work, the handgun, and the classes.

Most nights she drifted off to uneasy sleep. Hidden dangers, unseen phantoms and dark shadows followed her. She couldn’t fight against what she couldn’t see.

And Kylo had left her all alone.

She startled awake most mornings, drained and exhausted from the nightmares that plagued her.

She began to carry her gun.

After leaving the Solo Flight hangar or the gym in the evenings, she had the sinking feeling that she was being watched.

\---

Rey held on to the scrap of paper that had Kylo’s number written on it. It had been a while since Han had given it to her. Her nerves had failed her every time she picked up a phone to dial.

But tonight was different.

The hole in her chest wasn’t healing.

It had been difficult for Rey to form relationships growing up in an orphanage, and even afterward. Kids would come and go. The ones that stayed were usually already hardened by the unfair and unfavorable experiences of their young lives. Teedo and Meru had been friends, but they’d shared very little in common with each other besides a house and living expenses.

Something special had happened during her time with Kylo Ren. A strong connection tethered them together even now. She wanted to hear his voice. She wanted to be near him. Maybe a phone call would suffice for the time being.

Alone in her own room at the Solo house, she picked up her new cell and punched in the same numbers Han had written out in his sloppy penmanship. She took some deep breaths before she connected the call.

Her pulse roared in her ears and her breath was too loud as she listened to the ringing on the line.

He didn’t answer.

She ended the call and flopped back on her bed in slight relief. Maybe it was better this way, but…

It wasn’t late. Where was he staying? What was he doing? She closed her eyes, afraid she was bordering on the obsessive.

She had no hold over Kylo Ren, nor did he of her. If only she could notify her heart of their no-go status. Rey had never had a boyfriend. Not that Kylo was her boyfriend. Or that he even wanted to be. _Ugh._ She hated herself for thinking such stupid thoughts.

She decided to try one more time. And if he didn’t answer, she wouldn’t bother him again.

She dialed.

_Ringing._

_Waiting._ Then…

“Ren.”

She sat up with an audible gasp, phone clutched to her ear. _Oh, shit._ He sounded all growly and pissed. Why was he pissed?

This was a mistake.

“Who is it?”

She scraped a palm over her forehead.

“It’s Rey,” she breathed.

He cursed. “Are you all right? What’s happened?”

She huffed, falling backward on her bed.

“No, it’s not… I’m fine. I just wanted…”

She stared blankly up at the ceiling.

“I don’t know why I called.” This was stupid. She was so stupid.

There was rustling on the other end of the line. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Everything.”

“I’m not following, Rey.”

“It’s good to hear your voice.” She smiled. “So good.”

“Rey, I don’t think we…”

“How are you?”

Kylo grunted.

Rey waited, but he said nothing. Fine. He could listen. 

“You shouldn’t have given me all that money. I don’t feel right taking it. I work for Han Solo now. I can earn my own way.” Irritation laced her words.

Speaking of Han…

“Do you know how much he misses you? How much Leia misses you? It breaks my heart every day because I can see their utter devastation. Every day, Kylo. You have two parents who give a damn about you. Do you know how much I wish that I had…”

She couldn’t say out loud how much she wished she’d had parents like Kylo’s. She sighed.

“I know your real name,” she continued. “And I know about Luke—”

“Stop.” She heard him take several trembling breaths. “Stop.”

She clamped her teeth together. “I suppose nothing I say will make a difference to you.”

“Why would you want it to?” he grumbled in her ear.

“Because I care. I care about you. I care about your parents.”

Silence.

She released a frustrated sound. “I shouldn’t have called.”

“You shouldn’t care about me.”

“I can’t seem to help it,” she admitted woefully.

There was a hitch in his breathing. “I’m not like you.”

“No,” she replied. “I know that. And that’s why it’s scary.”

“You should be scared,” he whispered.

Rey swallowed hard.

In a tormented voice, Kylo said, “I’m the one who killed Luke.”

\---

After a sleepless night Rey bumped into Han the next morning in the kitchen. The sun had yet to rise. It was gloomy out, just like her soul.

“Hey, kid. You look like you had a horrible night. You sick?”

Bleary-eyed and dragging, Rey shook her head. Her gaze settled on Han’s steaming mug of caf. She’d never been a fan of the beverage, but today she would make an exception.

“May I?” she pointed to the caf maker.

“Have at it,” Han said, taking a sip from his own mug.

Once poured, Rey sat down and gathered her mug close. She held her face over the steam and breathed.

“I called him last night,” she murmured into the quiet kitchen.

Han’s mug hit the counter with a clack. “I’m gonna take a wild guess that it didn’t turn out so well.”

She bit her lip and rolled her shoulders, cracking her neck in the process. “Can I ask you a painful question?”

Han was looking right at her, a frown pulling at his wrinkled face and scarred chin. “Spit it out.”

Her eyes fell back down to her mug and she gripped it tight.

“How did Luke die?”

He breathed slowly in and out, blinking hard before he said, “It was his heart.”

_Oh?_

She could hear the rasping sound of his hand running over the stubble on his chin. “We found him in the yard. Slumped over in the sandbox. He still had a toy plane in his hand. It was like he had just fallen over to take a nap.

“But he wasn’t breathing.” He spun his mug in a circle on the counter.

“Autopsy showed he had a condition, uh, a defect in the heart. It went undetected because he was healthy. Well, we _thought_ he was a healthy kid. But he had always been such a little thing.

“The Doc said it was only a matter of time before… the end.”

They both sat quietly for some time.

“I’m so sorry,” she finally said.

Rey wanted to ask Han about Ben. Had he been mistaken about Luke? All these years, did he really think he’d killed his little brother? Should she tell Han?

When she looked up again, Han had his hand at his forehead, rubbing his fingers back and forth across his brow.

_No._

She didn’t want to add to his grief. Her speculation would only heap more pain into this heartbroken house.

Kylo thought he’d killed Luke. But that most likely wasn’t true.

She didn’t believe it.

Couldn’t believe it.

Yet, Kylo Ren had gone on to become a professional killer.

At the time he’d run away from home, he had already thought he was capable of murder, and it seemed like he’d just given in to the monster he believed himself to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Hold On For Your Life by Sam Tinnesz](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4nD8RucDU8)


	16. Chapter 16

Poe Dameron was a dirty, rotten, card shark.

His reputation among Han’s crew was infamous.

He was always trying to rope any idle hand in the hangar into an impromptu game. In between his flights and inspections, he called Rey over while she was on her lunch break.

“Hey, grease monkey, come play.”

He shuffled a deck of cards on top of a workbench. His suit jacket was laid over the back of his chair and his tie hung loose at the collar.

Rey looked around for help, but Rose wasn’t there to save her.

“Why do you call me that?” She stopped by his chair and stared down at him.

“Because that’s what mechanics are. I don’t have a lot of time before my next hop.”

“What if I started calling you a plumber?”

Poe’s right hand landed over his heart. “That hurts me on a deep level. Come play me and don’t peg my fun meter, sweetie.”

Rey rolled her eyes and pulled up an overturned bucket to sit on. Poe pushed a stack of dealt cards toward her. He tapped a card that had a list printed on it. “Follow the instructions.”

“I’m not much of a card player,” she said as she gripped the cards haphazardly in her hands.

Poe blinked at the way she arranged her cards. “You don’t say.”

He expertly sorted his cards into a pretty fan shape and waited.

“Draw one. Do what you need to do to complete the first phase. Then discard. You want to keep ten cards in your hand or on the board at all times. First one to lay down their hand and use all their cards, wins.”

Rey drew a card and tried to figure out how to arrange her hand to get what she needed. She needed way too many in order to be compliant with the first phase. She put down her extra on the discard pile.

“How did you get into piloting?” she asked.

“I joined the Air Corps. Got my start as a Fighter pilot.”

Poe already had his new card and had arranged a stack face down on the board. She narrowed her eyes, wondering what he was up to. He discarded and waited for her.

“Did you like being in the Service?”

“A tradition of honor and a legacy of valor. Good years, good times. The Corps taught me everything I needed to know.”

Their game went on for a few rounds until Poe drew one last time, laid his whole hand down in the required phase and discarded his eleventh. His perfect smile was blinding.

Rey didn’t even have a chance to lay her cards down.

“Schooled you, grease monkey.”

Her mouth was still hanging open in shock when he took her cards, added up the points, and reintegrated them into the stack and put them away.

Poe wrote down the score in a pocket-sized notebook.

“What’s the name of this game?” she asked, steaming mad.

He told her and she narrowed her eyes at him, infuriated that he seemed to win so easily.

“I’ll be ready next time,” she told him.

Poe laughed. “Many have tried and many have failed.”

Laughing again, he took off, adjusting his tie and suit jacket as he went.

Rose came up behind her and patted her on the shoulder. “He’s terrible on our morale.”

She growled in response. “I want to beat his smug dumb face.”

Rose snorted. “Nobody is as competitive as Poe. Except, maybe, you. I’ve seen you in class. I think you scare Finn Storm a little.”

“I need to practice. Do you have the right cards?”

“No, but Chewie might.”

\---

“Why aren’t we starting a game of Sabacc? I hate this game. This is Poe’s game. That little shit wins every time,” Han complained.

For the first time since Rey’s arrival in Alderaan, there was laughter in the Solo house.

Seated around the dining room table, Han Solo, Chewie, Rose, Finn Storm, and Rey all held the cards ready for their respective turns.

She was proud of Rose for finally asking Finn out on a date.

Leia made sure they had snacks and drinks and watched them play. Her spirits were lighter than usual. It did Rey’s heart good to see her smile.

“We’ve got a mission, Han, to get good at this game so we can actually beat him and put him in his place.”

“Dameron’s a hell of a pilot, but he’s a pain in my ass.”

The night progressed and Rey welcomed the distraction of being around friends. She finally began to experience a sense of belonging with these new people in her life.

“You know what?” Chewie piped. “I think Poe has a crush on Sula.”

Rey’s eyes went wide and she frowned. _What?_

“He’s been acting like a dope lately,” Han grumbled.

“Oh, that’s sweet,” Leia murmured. “Do you like him, Sula?”

Rey began to shake her head, but Rose spoke up first. “Su likes someone else.”

“Rose,” she growled from the corner of her mouth.

“What?” she asked, eyes wide, unaware of the people around who were listening. “You do.”

Rey avoided looking anywhere near Han. She already knew her face was burning red.

Han piped up in that tone of voice that implied his eternal irritation with the world around him. “Are we gonna play cards or chat about Poe’s love life? Whose turn is it?”

Thankful for the deflection, Rey sucked down almost a full glass of ice water. Having friends also meant having people that were into all your personal business. But that was okay, really. One had to be known to have friends, to have family. To have love.

Leia patted her on the shoulder when she leaned over to refill Rey’s glass. Leia’s brown eyes sparkled with kindness and something else as she smiled.

“Thank you, Ms Leia.”

“We can talk about boys later,” Leia whispered to her alone.

_Oh, no._

Mild panic hit Rey in her gut. She tamped it down quickly. She could do that. She could talk to Leia about boys and not give away that she had real feelings for the woman’s own son.

She smiled shyly up at Leia. “All right.”

After their guests had left, late that night, Rey picked up her cell and called Kylo.

This time when he answered, it was a soft and deep, “Rey,” that greeted her over the line. Her heart flopped over at his gentle tone.

“Hi,” she whispered, remembering how their last conversation had ended. She didn’t believe he’d killed his little brother. It was obvious he felt differently and held onto the guilt of it.

She still cared deeply for him. Nothing had changed on that front.

Though she hurt for him, she didn’t want to hurt him further or bring up more bad memories. But she did want to get to know him better. 

So she’d called, determined to keep their connection alive. For Han. For Leia. And more honestly, for herself.

She briefly thought about the “boys” conversation Leia said they’d have later. She was in so much trouble.

“I’m surprised you called back,” he murmured. “Shouldn’t you be in bed?”

“I called because we’re friends. And I’m too hyped up to sleep. We just had a game night. There’s a pilot that works for Han who always beats us at cards, so several of us got together tonight to practice.”

She turned off the light in her room and settled down on top of the plush comforter. “It was fun.”

“Hm.”

“What do you do for fun?” she asked him.

“I carve trinkets from the bones of my enemies.”

Rey faltered. He _what?_

“That was a joke, Rey.”

She laughed but it sounded like a high-pitched wheeze. Kylo Ren was attempting to be funny? On purpose?

“I have all my fun in bed. I mean… _shit._ That didn’t come out right.” She could hear him grumbling and she tried to stifle more laughter.

“Sleep,” he said loudly, without hesitation. “Sleep is what I do for fun.”

“I guess I’m cutting into your fun right now.” She clamped her lips under the edges of her teeth to contain her smile. She was highly curious about this other bed fun, but she kept her mouth shut.

He only grunted.

“I would have thought you’d say you do push-ups for fun. You did a lot of those at the mountain house.”

“You were watching me do push-ups?” His voice got so deep that the vibrations of it in her ear made her want to curl in on herself. But then she registered what he’d said.

She instantly reddened, wheezed. “No! No, not watching. When I walked by your bedroom, that’s what you were doing.” No shirt, gleaming skin over tensing muscles working to the point of exhaustion.

She’d definitely looked.

She shifted onto her side, ready to change the subject. “Next week is my birthday,” she murmured absently. “When is yours?”

“Dead of winter.”

She didn’t know why that was so funny, but she couldn’t help laughing again. “How old are you?”

“Thirty two. I think.”

Rey paused, calculating quickly in her head. She hadn’t realized Kylo was twelve years older than her. It only served to widen the void between them.

And that cut her to the quick.

“That’s old,” she teased.

“I’m hanging up now.”

“We’re not done yet,” she said firmly, holding back more laughter.

She could hear him grumbling again.

“Do you like being alone?” she asked him as she stared into the dark, hating the distance between them.

“I’ve always been alone.”

“Is that by choice or by circumstance?”

“At this point in my life it’s been both.”

“Explain that to me. Please.” She was too afraid to ask him outright if he’d ever had a special woman in his life. Or women. She scrunched her nose up at the thought.

A deep sigh. Possibly a little impatience. “Rey… this is not something I want to talk about.”

“Fine. Keep your secrets. I know we don’t know each other very well. But I… care about you. I worry about you. And no one deserves to be alone.”

She remembered how he’d told her once that she wasn’t alone anymore, how it had given new life to hope that she’d thought had died within her. She wanted to offer the same hope to him.

She could hear muffled noises before he responded. “My parents were too busy with their own lives so they stuck us with a shitty nanny. They never had any damn time for us. It was easy for me to leave. They didn’t care. And over time, it was easier to stay alone and remain alone.”

Rey bit her lip and took the brunt of his anguish. Han and Leia weren’t good parents? It broke her heart to hear. She’d never had parents, though, so she wouldn’t know the difference between good ones or bad ones.

“Why didn’t they have time for you?” she whispered.

A scoff. “Han was constantly on the go with his freight business. Mom was a big shot senator. She was hardly ever home.”

“I didn’t know Leia was a senator. She runs her own vineyard at home now. She makes all kinds of specialty wines.”

He remained silent.

“Do you want to be alone forever?” she asked softly, determined not to lose him just yet.

“Why are you asking me this?”

She hesitated. Tears burned. The truth?

“Because I didn’t feel alone when I was with you.”

\---

A week later, Han called her into his office.

“I want you to go with Chewie on this next hop. He’s taking the small freight bird for a quick pickup.”

Rey’s eyes narrowed on Han. He wasn’t looking at her and she knew him well enough by now to deduce that he was being evasive.

“What’s up?” she asked him.

“Nothing’s up. It’ll just be good for you to see a different side of the business.”

She raised her brows at his testiness, but she did feel a trickle of excitement. She wouldn’t mind flying again and getting a break from the smell of jet fumes in the hangar.

“Get out of here. He’s almost ready.”

Rey rushed to where the small freighter was being prepped for flight. Chewie had her assist with the rest of his pre-flight check. She enjoyed spending time with the gentle giant and she was happy to go with him on a run.

Once all systems were good to go, Chewie invited her into the cockpit to sit beside him. Her grin was genuine when he passed her a headset. As they taxied into position, Chewie told her what he was doing and showed her what to look out for, and which controls were needed. After takeoff and leveling out, he even allowed her to take control of steering to get a feel for flying.

“This is so great!” she said into the mic.

Chewie laughed a great rattling laugh. “Have you ever thought about getting your pilot’s license?” he asked her.

Rey paused in wonder. She had not. But now that the idea was in her head, she knew that she would.

“I have now,” she laughed in return.

Chewie pointed out more things for her to consider. Gave her advice. Encouraged her. Her spirits had been so low for months, especially since her last call with Kylo, but this day had given her something lovely to cling to, and new horizons to look forward to.

She soon had to relinquish the controls back to Chewie so he could land. Rey soaked up every detail of what he did as he brought the freighter down on the landing strip. He taxied over to a hangar where he told her they were picking up a package.

Chewie powered down the bird and radioed for fuel. The cargo hatch wrenched open and she went to the back to see what was going to be loaded.

A classic sports car sat idling in the nearly empty hangar. Rey’s heart skipped a beat. She recognized that car.

She stepped out of the way when she realized someone was driving it up the cargo ramp.

After the car rolled onto the wheel lock mech, the driver’s door opened and Rey felt her heart plummeting to the floor.

A man with long black hair, dressed all in black, emerged, turned and clapped dark glinting eyes on her. Elation propelled her feet toward him.

His eyes didn’t leave her.

Kylo was _here._

Hot emotion burned at her throat. She stood before him, the door of the car was still standing open.

She didn’t hesitate; she put her arms around his waist, her head resting against his hard chest, and she hugged him. She clung to him as her tears began to fall. Oh, how she’d missed him.

Kylo wavered in her embrace before finally bringing his hands to her hair. He gently caressed her head, her neck, and finally encircled her in his arms. He was so warm. And he felt right. Just right. She sunk deeper into his body.

Her knees gave out. His knees gave out. She wasn’t sure which. But they ended up on their knees, still hugging each other.

Rey held on, just being and feeling and taking comfort. It was a long time before she pulled away and gazed up at him. She quickly wiped at the tears dripping down her cheeks.

“It’s so good to see you again,” she said.

Those eyes she kept seeing in her dreams devoured her. His big hand cupped the back of her neck and he lowered his forehead to hers. Rey’s fingers gravitated toward his face and she touched his stubbled jaw and chin, threaded them through is downy-soft hair.

His breath hit her lips in uneven puffs. His lips dropped ever so slightly closer to hers. Her lungs seized in anticipation.

“Sula?” Chewie bellowed from the front of the plane. “We need to get that cargo bolted down. Time to get back in the air.”

Rey’s nose brushed Kylo’s when he pulled slowly away.

“You need to go,” he said, so quiet.

Her hands wouldn’t leave his hair. She was afraid to let go. Taking a choppy breath she said, “Why did you leave me? And without even saying goodbye?”

“It’s better for you this way.”

“Without you?”

Tortured eyes held hers. He nodded. His big hands gripped her wrists, gently tugging her hands out of his hair.

“I never promised you anything, Rey.”

“Kylo… please,” she breathed, too hurt to know what she was saying.

His face closed off.

“I have to let you go.” He stood and pulled her to her feet. “Take care of yourself.”

Her hand only caught air when she reached for him again.

He was already gone.

Rey stood alone in the belly of the plane trembling.

That’s how Chewie found her.

“Sula?” he rumbled.

Tears tracked down her face as she stared up at Chewie. His worry was apparent as he came toward her and put a large arm around her.

“Hey, hey. What happened?”

She only shook her head, unsure how to explain.

Kylo had left her again.

Back at Solo Flight, after a subdued ride in the cockpit, Rey and Chewie unloaded the sports car. Han met them and handed her the paperwork and dropped the keys onto her palm.

“This is yours now, Sula.”

Rey frowned up at him. “No, it’s Kylo’s.”

Han shook his head at her and checked around them to make sure they were alone.

“He wanted you to have it.”

“Why would he do that?” she huffed. “Did you know he was going to be there?” Her chest burned with a hint of anger.

“I figured he would be.”

She crossed her arms. “Is that why you told me to go with Chewie?”

“Well, yeah. I thought it would be good if you two saw each other.”

Rey tamped down her frustration at Han and at Kylo, but it still bubbled over.

“He left me again. I don’t think he… I don’t think he feels the same way I do.” It was embarrassing to say it out loud to Han, of all people, even though he knew more about her feelings than anyone.

“Ha!” He cracked a laugh and shook his index finger at the sports car behind them. “That’s a damn fine machine. He just gave you one of his prized possessions. If that doesn’t indicate feelings, I don’t know what does.” There he went using that irritated tone of voice again—which he did all the time. It had taken her months to realize that sounding pissed off was his default.

Rey sniffed, not convinced. “Then why does it all seem so final? It was like he knew it would be the last time we’d ever see each other.”

_Never promised you anything._ Truth, but, kriff, it still hurt.

Han was silent for a few moments, watching Rey’s discomfort and embarrassment and sadness, which were all on display for him to see. He swallowed and shook his head.

“Listen, kid. Don’t give up. I was beginning to believe you were stronger than this.”

She squinted her whole face up at Han. “What are you talking about?”

Han’s stormy eyes went watery.

“You’re the last hope I got of ever getting my son back.” He looked heavenward and brought a shaky hand up to cover his trembling mouth. 

She even felt the earth tremble slightly beneath her feet. Maybe it was only herself that was doing the trembling.

But Rey saw.

She saw behind his gruff exterior the cracked and leaking wellspring of his hope. Han had lost two sons, just like Leia had. But this? He had put his hope in her to bring Kylo back to them?

She shook her head, her arms fell heavily to her sides. “Han… I…” She didn’t know if she was up to this great task. As much as she desperately wanted to accomplish it, she was just a lonely orphaned girl with no power, no influence, and nothing to recommend her.

Han seemed to wither before her eyes, looking tired and old and defeated.

“I’m sorry, Sula. I shouldn’t have said… I shouldn’t have…”

Her heart wrenched.

He stood in front of her, on the verge of tears.

So she hugged him. She didn’t care if anyone saw. Everyone needed hope. She didn’t know what she could ever do, but she wouldn’t dare break the hold this man had on his hope.

She pulled back and looked into Han’s eyes.

“It’s okay. If you won’t give up, then I won’t give up, either.”

\---

Kylo Ren held heaven in his arms for a few stolen moments.

There were only a few things in his life he regarded as sacred, but she would forevermore be the first among them.

Would he ever get the chance to hold her again?

He’d come so close to taking more than he should have. She had been warm and pliant in his arms. Those bright orange coveralls made her look even more adorable. Her eyes had been for him alone. Tears for him. Arms for him. He’d come so close to tasting her lips for the first time. He was a selfish bastard for wanting that.

For wanting her.

He thought he had made his peace with letting her go. But today proved that he was a damned fool.

She was the brightest thing that had ever brought warmth to his cold life. He’d had a taste of something new and wonderful when he was with her. She had made him laugh. She had made him care. Her sweetly accented voice had cast a spell on him with each of her phone calls.

She had cracked open the stone in his chest.

He knew he would move mountains to be with her if he deserved her.

He didn’t.

He was afraid the darkness in him would taint her light.

Leaving her on that plane had ripped his heart out.

He remembered that look he’d left in her eyes. The sweetest eyes that had just been filled with light and hope and something else. He’d taken that away from her.

He was a damned bastard. Had he known she was going to be there… 

Now he was bleeding and he couldn’t staunch the flow.

But he could not go to her. Not while she was in danger and his movements were being tracked. As much as he’d like to give that light back to her, there were things that needed to be done. Wrongs to be righted.

Someone would have to die.

He’d been biding his time before seeking out Snoke. It all came down to Snoke. His hand was deep into something that Kylo knew would be the old killer’s downfall. And it involved Rey. Or rather, it would end with Rey.

Kylo was prepared to do what he had to do to protect the woman he loved. Even if it cost him his life.

His next stop was Coruscant. He’d be waiting at the hotel for the summons he was sure would come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [When The Sun Goes Down feat. Laney Jones](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BCQuD_bEQYk)   
>  [Astronomical by SVRCINA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSix5Q3lbmk)


	17. Chapter 17

There was an envelope in the seat of the sports car.

It was completely blank, not addressed to anyone. Rey picked it up and opened it.

It had a little card in it with colorful flowers on the front. Written inside in neat, calligraphic script:

> _You said cars were your thing. Happy Birthday - K_

When she finished reading it, her hand and the card fell to her lap.

She stared at the logo on the steering wheel, the gleaming leather trim along the dash and doors. It was a truly beautiful machine.

Why would Kylo give her his car? Sure, he had several, but this wasn’t just a car. It was special. There weren’t many like this one left on the road.

Han was right. Why would any living, breathing man give away such a—

_Oh, no._ Was he… Did he plan to die?

She fumbled for her cell and selected his number from her contacts.

The line rang and rang over and over. He didn’t answer her call. Anguish ripped at her throat.

What was Kylo planning to do?

“Wow, Su. This is a nice ride.” Rose poked her head through the driver’s door and looked around inside.

“Thanks,” she replied, trying to stifle the flood of emotion that threatened to break free.

Rose noticed her mood, and her eyebrows came together. “Hey, what’s going on?”

Rey stuffed the card back into its envelope. “I saw him today.”

“Who?” Rose paused then gasped. “The _guy?”_

Rey nodded.

“He gave me this,” she said as she gestured to the car.

“Okay, okay. So, why are you about to cry?”

“I’m afraid I’ll… never see him again.” She smashed the heels of her hands into her eyes.

After a few seconds she cleared her throat and relaxed. No sense in getting worked up over speculation.

She gritted her teeth. She would not give up hope now.

She sat back in the driver’s seat and gave Rose a watery smile.

“Want to go for a ride?” Her voice cracked with shuttered emotion.

Rose’s slow smile split her face and her silky hair bounced as she nodded. “But maybe after work,” she said.

Kylo did not answer her phone call when she tried again that night.

The next day Chewie brought her a textbook to start studying for the pilot’s exam. She gave the big man a hug. He hugged her back, watching her carefully. She supposed that was fair since he’d seen her fall apart the day before.

“You’ll have to pass an assessment and get an aviation med cert. And you will need an instructor.” Chewie pointed both his meaty index fingers at himself. “I can help out with that.”

“You’re an instructor?” she asked.

“It’s something I do on the side. I’ve got a light aircraft in the spare hangar that I take students up in.”

“Chewie,” she grinned up at him. “You are the best! When can we start?”

Kylo didn’t answer when she called that night either.

Nor the next night.

Several nights later, Rey was in Leia’s wine cellar helping her with bottle labeling. Basically she was holding things for Leia so she wouldn’t get in her way. 

Rey liked spending time with Leia. She was so knowledgeable on any subject she chose to talk about and had a great passion for the work she did in her vineyard. Alderaanian wines were unique because of the soil where the vines grew. Leia’s wines were highly sought after.

“How are things, Sula? Has working for Han been a good experience for you?” Leia asked her while tallying some numbers in her logbook.

“Good, yes. He’s tough, but he has to be, you know?”

Leia's lips slipped up in an indulgent smile. “That man drives me crazy. Always has.”

“I didn’t have aircraft experience before I came here. I’ve enjoyed learning new things. And I have decided to get my pilot’s license.”

Leia smiled her way. “That’s excellent. Do you want to make a career out of flying?”

Rey considered that. “Possibly. I think it would be a very exciting change of pace.”

“I’m proud of you. And if you need help with studying or anything else, I’m more than happy to lend a hand.”

“Thanks, Ms Leia. Chewie gave me a textbook and I’ve already blown through the first couple of chapters. I think my background in mechanics will help me too.”

Rey looked around the vast cellar. “What made you go into making wine?” she asked Leia.

“I was a politician for many years. As you can imagine, it constantly put me in the public eye. Everything I did was scrutinized and picked apart.”

She laid her clipboard on a table and leaned against it. “After I lost my boys, I couldn’t do it anymore. I needed a change and I needed a new focus.”

She swept a hand wide, indicating the terraced fields green with vines that circled the Solo property. “The land was here, waiting for someone to make something out of it. And winemaking is an introspective art.”

Rey was on the verge of asking about Luke and Ben, but couldn’t bring herself to do it. She didn’t want to slip up, somehow, and betray Han. Leia had recently shown her adorable baby pictures of her boys. Luke would have been twenty-six years old if he were still alive.

But Leia continued. “I wish I had done this when the boys were babies. I should have been home with them. Perhaps things would be different now. Maybe we could have caught Luke’s heart condition earlier. That’s something I’ll never forgive myself for,” she whispered.

She glanced up at Rey, chin trembling. “I’ve had many years to think about it. Many years to regret.

“Sometimes the right thing to do isn’t always what you want to do. The credo these days is about following your dreams. No one ever talks about what those dreams can cost.”

\---

“Okay, ladies, surprise techniques now, let’s practice. Put on your war face. Let me see it,” Finn shouted from the front of the mats at Storm Fitness.

Rose made a few funny faces at Rey and they both laughed. Rey put on her warrior face and let out a wild noise.

Rose sobered, took a step back and said, “Damn, Su. You scary. I think I peed a little.”

Rey spluttered. It had been a while since Rey was able to laugh so freely. The heartbreak of seeing Kylo and having him leave once more had done a number on her. So it was good to be able to laugh with Rose.

“Come on, Ro. Get back in the game. I’m supposed to be a nefarious attacker, out to harvest your pretty organs. Don’t make me laugh.”

Rose had gotten good with her defense techniques. When Rey came up behind her and slung an arm around her neck, Rose pulled down on Rey’s hands and twisted her neck out of the choke hold, then slammed a knee behind Rey’s. Rose squatted and, using her lower center of gravity to her advantage, picked Rey up and threw her down on the mat.

They did that move over and over, getting faster and more ferocious each time they practiced until it was second nature.

By the end of the class, they were both sweating and a little bruised. 

Rey enjoyed the routine of the classes, learning new things, and getting to know the other ladies in the group. And Finn was a great teacher. She got to continue the education that Kylo had started for her. She became even more confident in her skills.

She did her best to stay alert and attentive to her surroundings every day. She practiced her gun safety rules. She remembered all of Kylo’s lessons.

She kept her hope alive, no longer for her sake, but for Han and Leia.

Rose was staying behind after class because she had a date with Finn Storm.

Rey teased her about putting him in a choke hold later.

“Sula! I’m gonna body slam you into next week!”

Rey chuckled as she left the gym but faltered a little because now she was alone.

She wasn’t supposed to be alone.

The car that Kylo had given her was parked at the far end of the lot. It was the only parking space she was able to find when she’d arrived that afternoon. Now it was dark and the lot had emptied out.

She waved to Rose and started for it. It was nice having transportation of her own. She’d bummed rides with Han and Chewie and Rose for months. The independence it afforded her was freeing for her soul.

Had Kylo really given it to her because he cared for her like Han said? Or was it something else?

Noises caught her attention from a corridor between the buildings. There was a dumpster at the far end of the alleyway.

Seeing it brought up a number of unpleasant memories for Rey. Back in Niima, she’d had to resort to finding things in dumpsters. Food, shoes, anything, really. She was ashamed of how she’d had to scrape by and scavenge.

There were times when she’d had nothing and she had done what she had to do to survive. But she knew that she would scavenge in a dumpster before she would resort to selling herself like many people had ended up doing in Jakku. She had seen firsthand the damage that had been done to her friend Meru, both mental and physical.

There was someone inside the dumpster.

Her heart twisted. No one deserved to live that way. She squared her shoulders and went to investigate. At the very least she would offer the poor soul a meal.

“Hello?” she called out.

The rustling stopped.

“I know you’re in there.”

Two little heads popped up over the edge of the dumpster. A boy and a girl.

Surprised, Rey smiled.

“Hi, guys. What are your names?”

The little girl piped up. “I’m BB. This is Artie.” 

Artie smacked BB with a grubby hand. “What I say ‘bout talkin’ to strangers?”

BB looked shamefaced as her eyes returned to Rey. “We don’t talk to strangers.”

Artie groaned.

Rey stepped closer. “I can tell you my name. Then maybe we won’t be strangers anymore. I’m Rey.”

BB smiled, several of her teeth were missing. Artie still regarded her with mistrust.

“So, what have you two found?”

The little girl proudly raised her find, a purse with a broken strap.

Artie piped up, “Our mom works here.” He pointed to a door leading to one of the stores in the strip mall.

“Does your mom know you’re in the dumpster?”

“She said we could play out here.”

“Oh, okay. I just wanted to make sure you were all right. You sure you don’t need help?”

“Yep. We’re fine. Bye, lady,” Artie waved her off.

Rey snorted and waved back and turned to go. Those two kids were just having a good time in the dumpster. She’d thought it was someone scavenging because they were in need.

She came back to the mouth of the alleyway and immediately froze.

A tall, black silhouette stood in her way.

As the person stepped into the light, recognition hit Rey hard in the gut. It was the tallest woman she’d ever had the displeasure of crossing paths with. Kylo had said her name at one time. He’d called her a dangerous woman...

“Found you,” the woman taunted in an unnerving purr.

“Oh, kriff.”

Rey’s mind turned into an unorganized racetrack of thought with what to do and what not to do zooming back and forth, jockeying for the winning position. _Be alert. Judge intent. Keep your distance. Find the weakness._

She could hear Kylo’s voice the loudest in her head.

The only way out of the alley was past the woman. There were metal garbage cans with lids farther up on her right. Rey slowly edged to them, and once close enough, grabbed a lid and threw it at the woman.

Her opponent recoiled and Rey took advantage of her distraction to shove the heel of her runner into the back of the woman’s leg. She went down with a grunt, and Rey ran.

But there was someone else waiting for her outside the alleyway.

The orange-haired man called Hux stood with his arm out, holding a handgun right at her face. His sneer was much too smug.

Air leaked out of her lungs and her legs turned to water. There was no chance to fight or defend herself, which frustrated her, because she’d been training so hard and here she was in a situation that left her defenseless again.

Feeling like a failure, she looked into the face of the assassin and raised her arms out from her sides, still clutching her gym bag. Her own handgun was strapped under her left arm, hidden by the bright orange coveralls she’d re-donned over her clothes after class. She didn’t dare draw it or bring attention to it.

“Are you going to come with us willingly? Or are you going to kick and scream?” The woman asked from behind her, finally limping up to stand beside Hux. She raised a huge chrome handgun at Rey as well.

“I’ll go,” Rey said, eyes flitting between both guns and both captors. 

“Good girl. I wouldn’t want to put a bullet in one of those tiny kneecaps.” 

Rey shuddered. “Where are we going?”

The armed woman’s smile was downright predatory. “We’ve got a date with my employer. It’s not often that he wants his marks brought back alive. Must be your lucky day, muffin, because I don’t take kindly to someone throwing garbage can lids at me, or stomping upon my person.”

The woman’s gun flicked to the side, the blinding flash of reflection temporarily caught Rey’s attention.

“Sorry about all that. I like your gun.” Might as well pretend she wasn’t about to faint dead away from fright. “I don’t recall what your name is?”

“Call me Phasma. And thank you, doll. I had it custom made just for me, his name is Destroyer.” She holstered the shiny monstrosity and put her hand on Rey’s shoulder, guiding her to a waiting car. Phasma’s nails dug into her and Rey began to sweat.

She’d been expecting something like this to happen for some time now. Ever since she and Kylo had been seen by Hux, she was afraid he would be looking for her.

She didn’t know what they wanted with her, or who Phasma’s employer might be, but she was ready to end this.

She was scared but she was strangely calm as she was shoved to a parked car in a dark part of the lot.

Rey prayed that she came out of this ordeal alive. That she would see Han and Leia again. Rose and Chewie. That she’d see Kylo again.

Hux situated himself at the wheel of the waiting car, smirking at her as she slid into the backseat.

“Make yourself comfortable,” he told her.

Rey gasped when she felt a cold stabbing sting at her neck. Her blood rushed like fire and ice until her eyes suddenly got heavy.

She caught sight of Phasma tossing a syringe onto the floorboard. But that was the last thing she remembered before everything went black.

\---

Kylo stood by the window looking down on the energetic city of Coruscant in early morning.

He had been waiting for months for the next move, for the next piece of the track to fall into place.

Watching.

Listening.

Declining contracts.

Paying for information that led him nowhere.

He’d also been preparing for the inevitable while waiting, liquidating his assets and moving his fortune to Rey’s bank account.

_Rey._

That woman had tied him up in knots. And the knots weren’t loosening.

He’d been avoiding her calls after he had seen her last.

He dreamed about touching her skin, her hair. Holding her close. She was the loveliest distraction and he couldn’t afford distractions right now.

His focus was on keeping her safe. That was the greatest and best gift he could give to her.

His cell rang and he almost hoped it would be her greeting him with her accented lilt.

Kylo answered, but he wasn’t expecting to hear his father’s frantic voice.

“She’s gone. She didn’t come home last night. I know something’s wrong, son.”

Cursing, he gritted his teeth.

It was time.

Kylo knew something like this was bound to happen. He’d just been waiting for the signal. He’d been hoping to spare Rey from further entanglement in his dark world.

He’d been dead wrong.

“I’ll get her back, Dad.”

Han gasped over the line. A quiet rustling. A strained breath. Then, “I like that girl. She better not have a scratch on her.”

Kylo ended the call. Suited up. Ballistic black on black. Guns and knives stowed.

He left the hotel and walked to Snoke’s lair. He needed the time and the miles to center and prepare himself.

The streets would run red.

There would be no stopping Kylo Ren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [The Hate Inside by Sam Tinnesz](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RpCSKhpvqeE)  
> [Here I Am feat. brooke](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1oR3PUQu60%22)  
> [Welcome to the Jungle feat. Fleurie](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rk82Tz9Kbos)  
> (...so many good songs to choose from...)


	18. Chapter 18

He preferred to execute a plan like this under the dark cover of night. But there was little time to spare. Rey may already be inside. He did not wish to alert anyone to his presence.

Yet.

This was not a sanctioned mission.

This was a trained killer going rogue.

This was against all the rules.

Slipping through the shadows and shafts of sunlight along the breezeway to the mansion, Kylo crept behind the first guard. He slashed a razor-sharp blade through the side of the man’s throat, covered his mouth and held on while the man struggled. As the life drained out of him, Kylo hefted the slack body out of the path and dropped it behind flowering bushes that drooped with bright red blossoms.

One down.

New number one rule: Don’t take what belongs to Kylo Ren.

The door into the next part of the house opened soundlessly. His feet were silent on the stone floor.

A black rage boiled inside his veins, yet his senses remained hyper aware.

Keeping to the edges of the light and in the darkened corners, he stalked inside the main house.

Another armed watchman came around a corner. Kylo caught him unawares with an elbow to the face. A scuffle broke out between them. A remote communicator fell from the man’s hand to the floor and Kylo stepped on it, causing it to squawk.

Fists flew until Kylo knocked him to the carpet and sunk the blood-stained knife into the man's trachea.

Kylo never blinked, holding the dying man’s stare until the light extinguished from his bulging green eyes.

Two down.

New rule number two: Don’t get in Kylo Ren’s way.

He could see into the next room, there were two more men. Grinding his teeth, he took the fallen communicator and slid it across the floor into the path of his next victims. He waited, belly on the carpet, for them to come investigate.

Kylo put a round in each of their ankles once they cleared the door frame. The suppressor on the barrel muffled the shots somewhat. He couldn’t help their cries of pain, but he put two rounds in their chests and one in each of their heads to shut them up. He piled those bodies over top the second man he’d killed.

Four down.

New rule number three: Your blood belongs to Kylo Ren.

He listened for his next target, ignoring the stench of dying men. He moved about the lower level of the mansion, hearing kitchen staff. He walked past those service doors without looking in. No one would think his presence out of the ordinary.

Kylo made the round back to a wide staircase leading to an upper level of the house. He checked the windows, waiting for more outdoor watchmen to appear, but there were none left downstairs. Keeping to the edge of the staircase railing, he carried his handgun in both hands, close to his body, ready to fire.

Up he stalked, prepared to face the next challenge.

Three more men came out of a side door at the top of the stairs. He dropped two while they were not paying attention.

The third drew his weapon and shot back at Kylo, pegging him in the arm and on the chest. The bullet to his chest knocked him down, the pain crackingly intense.

Keeping his firearm aimed, he got his shooter in the head.

The suit Kylo wore was built for stopping bullets, and the lead only lodged in the fabric over his heart. His arm, however, didn’t fare so well. He could feel the blood pumping out of his right biceps. He cursed. Struggled to his feet.

But… Seven of Snoke’s men were down.

New rule number four: Kylo Ren makes the damn rules now.

Kylo left the three men littered on the stairs, bleeding into the red carpet.

Ejecting the spent magazine and slapping in a loaded one, he climbed the rest of the stairs and searched the next rooms.

He found Snoke. Sooner than he expected.

What little color the old assassin possessed drained from his face as soon as his eyes landed on Kylo. He stumbled backward, completely taken by surprise at Kylo’s presence.

“Ren, my boy,” Snoke’s voice wavered with fear.

Kylo knew the picture he presented. Blood soaked hands, blood spattered face, eyes honed flints, handgun aimed with deadly accuracy.

“Where is she?” he ground out.

Snoke’s head tilted to the side. Calculation sharpened the man’s pale gaze. “She?”

“The girl. Rey Patine. She was taken. I know you have her.”

A cruel smile cut over Snoke’s warped features.

“You don’t even know who she is. Let me enlighten you. She’s my ticket to a seat at the High Table. She’s the long lost granddaughter of Sheev Palpatine.” Snoke laughed. 

Kylo’s eyebrows dipped lower. His suspicions about Rey’s name were correct. He knew about Palpatine. The old leader who had died when he had been a boy in training.

 _Holy shit,_ she was the heir the High Table had been searching for since Palpatine’s death.

And Rey had no clue who she was or what she stood to inherit.

“You may as well know the rest. Even after I eliminated Sheev’s sniveling son, the old fool would not name me as his heir. The fact that he had a young granddaughter was an oversight on my part. But Sheev took action before I killed him and before I could find the little chit. I’ve been searching for eighteen years. Who would have thought to look in such a desolate place as Jakku for the wealthiest heiress on the planet. A stroke of genius on Sheev’s part.”

Kylo cursed. Snoke wouldn’t rest until he had what belonged to Rey. And Rey would meet her end at the hands of this greedy man.

The blow to the base of his skull took Kylo to the floor at Snoke’s feet. Too stunned to breathe, too stunned to think, Kylo blinked at the carpet.

But he heard every word Snoke said to him.

“You took full payment from me for an assignment. We both know you did not fulfill the contract to my specifications. And now you must repay. I aim to strip what you owe me from your hide. Pray it doesn’t kill you.”

New booted feet marched across Kylo’s line of sight.

Hands pulled at his clothes. Took his guns. Took his knives.

The _thunk thunk_ of his heart now rested heavy in his head.

But Snoke’s words rested heavier.

“You will feel a heat that is unbearable, yet, you will bear it in your flesh. A fire so consuming but you will not be consumed by it. Eternity is a day and a second is eternity. You will suffer. Always.”

Kylo wheezed, cursed. Was pulled upright by his hair.

Snoke’s scarred face, looking down on him with such triumph, sneered.

The pain had only just begun.

\---

Hux and Phasma each had one of Rey’s arms as they drug her out of the car. She was still groggy. The sunlight hurt her eyes.

They stopped at the front door of a mansion and pounded on it. But no one answered.

“What the blazes?” Hux muttered after waiting too long.

He opened the door anyway and they marched her inside and up a wide staircase.

“Would you look at that,” Phasma said.

Rey’s eyes focused on dead men lying about on the landing. They’d been shot.

Rey seemed to be having an out-of-body experience, but she recoiled at the smell that lingered around them. She looked down, saw her boots were getting damp.

“Is that blood?” she wondered aloud.

The carpet was soaked with it, the soggy mess squished beneath their feet.

Hux knocked on another door and it was opened to them. There were a few men in the room already and one was laying on the floor.

Rey blinked her eyes harder trying to focus them. More terrible smells assaulted her nose.

“Ah. My guest of honor.” Rey heard a new voice that she did not like. She lifted her heavy head to meet the pale blue eyes of a blurry man holding the bag she’d had to leave behind at Unkar Plutt’s garage.

She frowned and tried to raise her hand. Her upper arms were still in between the grips of Hux and Phasma.

“Those are my things,” she murmured.

No one heard her. They were too busy talking, saying stuff she didn’t understand.

Her eyes fell to the floor and she saw the legs of the man laying there. Was he dead too? He was dressed in black, but his shirt had been ripped and his skin was bloody. He had long black hair…

Rey gasped and her body shoved off some of the effects to whatever drug Phasma had shot into her.

That long black hair and large body looked an awful lot like…

_Kylo._

“Oh,” she breathed.

She loosened herself from her captors and stumbled to his form, which seemed to be a heaped bloody mass on the elaborate rug. She fell down on him and searched for his face, not caring about the blood. Was he alive? There was a long strip of flesh missing from his face. The raw cut ran from his right jaw, across his eye and over his forehead. It was red and angry looking.

_So much blood._

She choked back a sob and reached for his head, careful of his injuries. Black hair lay matted at his temples and forehead. He was filthy.

“Please… don’t be dead.”

Finding his ears, she slid her fingers behind them and raised his head. He was breathing shallow, quick.

“Wake up, Kylo, please,” she wailed into his face.

A hush fell behind her.

She heard Hux ask, “Is that Kylo Ren? What the hell is going on here, Snoke?”

“I daresay,” Snoke replied, “that Kylo Ren has gone rogue. He tried to kill me.”

Rey tuned them out because Kylo’s eyes had cracked open. Dazed, dilated black eyes blinked, trying to focus. When they landed on her face, they widened and he groaned.

He couldn’t seem to form words.

She smiled. She couldn’t help it. He was still alive.

The corner of his lips kicked up and his left hand found her waist. It kept moving. Her breath hitched when his bloody hand fumbled over her breasts, then it veered under her coveralls to her underarm holster.

Her mouth dropped open when she felt him take hold of her handgun.

His eyes remained steadfast on hers. No one could see what was happening. No one had checked her for weapons.

“Why would Kylo Ren try to kill you? I think we should have a full explanation,” Hux said.

“He came looking for the girl.”

“And what’s her significance to you, Snoke?”

 _“She_ is Palpatine’s heir.”

Rey whipped her eyes away from Kylo and found the man called Snoke. His hideous features nearly made her recoil, but she saw the glint of something familiar in his hand.

“That’s my medallion,” she told him.

“This, my dear, is a Blood Marker. Proof for the Sentinel of Legacies. The Registry will verify that Palpatine’s blood is on this marker, and that will prove your blood ties to the inheritance.”

Rey didn’t know what he was talking about. _Palpatine? Blood ties?_

“You mean to install her rightfully in Palpatine’s place at the High Table?” Hux asked.

There was only disturbing laughter from Snoke. When his laughter died, he said, “She will relinquish her legacy to me as Palpatine should have done all those years ago.”

Hux and Phasma both looked at Rey, their expressions bordered on shock. They slowly exchanged silent glances between themselves.

The hairs on the back of Rey’s neck and arms suddenly began to vibrate.

All the air left the room.

Rey was violently spun around, instantly smashed against Kylo’s chest. His head was beside hers. She screamed as three shots blasted too close to her ear. Bloody and trembling, Kylo’s arms were solid at her sides, one arm banded around her waist. When the blasts stopped, she pulled away to see his face: teeth bared, all of him shaking with little tremors. 

He had fired the gun through her coveralls.

Her ears were ringing, but she continued to flinch when more shots were fired around the room and the other two men standing guard for Snoke fell to the floor.

“Kriffing hell, Ren, that was bloody good shooting!” Hux raved from behind her.

“Damn fine,” Phasma gushed. “I was about to shoot him myself. Snoke always was scum. He had no honor. He meant to take what rightfully belongs to the Palpatine. The _audacity.”_

She had no idea what Phasma was going on about. Her focus remained on Kylo.

Struggling to stay upright now, he fell backward, and Rey fell with him.

“Kylo?” She had to pull the freshly fired gun out of her clothes. Kylo’s hand was limp. His eyes had closed again.

She looked to her captors. Tears of distress fell down her cheeks.

“Can you please help me?”

Phasma knelt and pushed her away from Kylo’s body.

“Damnation,” she breathed. “Snoke has flayed him alive.”

Hux turned Kylo to his side and they all saw his shirt had been sliced to ribbons against the raw flesh of his broad back.

“He needs medical attention. I can’t patch this up. How about you, Phasma? How good are you with a needle?”

“Not that good,” she responded, eyeing the carnage that had been performed on Kylo’s person.

“Can’t we take him to a med center?” Rey asked.

“We’ll have to. I don’t know a readily available surgeon,” Hux said. 

“Wait.” Hux turned to Snoke’s desk and plundered around on it. “You cannot leave without this.” Hux handed her the medallion and her lost bag. He gave her a grim smile.

Her captors had suddenly become Rey’s saving grace. They both picked up Kylo and took him to the car that she’d been brought in. She followed them out, and put Kylo’s head on her lap once they were driving away. She only stroked his hair because she was afraid to touch him too much in the car. He had to be in terrible pain.

She didn’t know how they did it, but they got Kylo into emergency services without much fuss.

When asked for personal and payment information, Hux hoisted a thumb at her. “She’ll be able to pay for his bill out of pocket.”

“What?” she squawked.

Hux’s pale blue eyes narrowed on her. “You can afford it, Miss Palpatine. Believe me.”

Rey was struck silent for the rest of the time they spent checking Kylo into the med center. The staff had already taken him back behind doors that she couldn’t go through. The three of them were instructed to sit in a waiting room.

Hux sat in the chair to her immediate right. Phasma on her left. Rey’s bag dangled between her bright orange-covered knees. Her blood stained coveralls looked gruesome. But she was more worried about the two deadly sentries sitting beside her.

Rey swallowed. Took a breath. Held it.

“Are you two waiting around to kill me later when it’s more convenient?”

“She doesn’t have a karking clue, does she?” Hux asked Phasma over her head.

“I think you’re right. She has no idea.” Phasma responded easily.

“Someone should tell her. It’s really quite cruel to go on like this,” Hux griped.

“Please, just, _somebody,_ tell me.” She was beginning to get irritated.

Hux leaned forward and held out his hand. “May I see the Blood Marker?”

Rey only hesitated slightly before drawing the medallion from her bag. Hux gingerly took it from her hand.

“Thank you.” He flipped it over, let his finger slide over the etching that read ‘patine.’

“This said ‘Palpatine’ at one time. The first three letters have been scratched away.”

She looked at the damage and had to agree. “Patine is the only name I’ve known. I never heard the name Palpatine until today. Who is that to me?”

“Sheev Palpatine was the leader of the High Table. He could very likely be your grandfather. He died, or was murdered, many years ago with no heir apparent after his son was killed. That’s the story I’ve always heard, anyway.

“The heir has been a point of controversy in recent years. Snoke has had his eye on the empty seat, he made no secret of his desire. Ah, but one must _inherit_ a seat at the Table. There has been an extensive search within the Order for the missing Palpatine.

“If what Snoke said is true, and you are the heir, you have inherited a massive position of wealth and power.”

“Where have you been all these years, doll?” Phasma asked her.

“I grew up in an orphanage in Jakku. This was left with me when I came to live there.” She gestured to the medallion.

Hux turned the marker over again. The design looked almost like the same design on the gold coins Kylo had used in Coruscant. No wonder those coins had looked so familiar to her.

Hux pressed hard on the middle of the medallion and it suddenly shifted; the face of it slid to the side.

Rey gasped. She had no idea it would open up.

Inside the medallion were two distinct bloody fingerprints.

“There will be a record of what this blood oath entailed. But it appears that whatever took place, the blood oath was fulfilled.”

Hux glanced up at her. “You will need this to prove who you are. The DNA won’t lie.” He very carefully placed the medallion back onto Rey’s open palm.

“What will it prove? If my DNA matches, what does that mean?”

Phasma piped up. “You will be the most feared woman in the world.” She raised her closed fist. “Yay. Girl power,” she deadpanned.

“What does the High Table do?” Rey asked.

“They’re the crime lords of the underworld.”

She would be a… _crime lord?_ Horrified, she said, “I can’t do that.”

“Don’t say that so loud, poppet. Someone might believe you,” Phasma said gently.

“You still haven’t explained why the two of you are still here.”

“As a member of the High Table, you will need a security detail. Why not us? This is just the beginning of a mutually beneficial relationship,” Hux said with a pleased smile.

“But you kidnapped me yesterday,” Rey replied tersely. “You drugged me.” And Rey was not sorry that she tried to hurt Phasma in the alleyway with a garbage can lid.

“Circumstances. What are friends for if they aren’t willing to dose you with heavy sedatives and toss you into the back of a car? We didn’t know the whole story yesterday. But, today, ah, today is a new day.” He ended by pointing an index finger straight in the air with flourish.

Of course, they were mercenaries, latching on to their best chance of advancement. She found it unbelievable that it was her.

“What about Kylo? He thinks you were out to kill him.”

Incredulous, Hux reared back. “Me? Ha! Never. Me? Go after Kylo Ren? Karking hell. That’s a good one. Could you imagine that, Phasma?”

Hux was actually laughing.

“No one goes after Kylo Ren, doll. He is the assassin’s nightmare.” Phasma shuddered.

Rey frowned. “Someone tried to kill us in the Jakku desert. They were shooting at us, but Kylo maneuvered behind some dunes and pulled out the biggest gun I’ve ever seen. He shot the other guy’s vehicle right out of the sky as it flew over a dune.”

Rey shook her head, remembering the ringing in her ears and the acrid smoke. “It exploded and burned to ash.”

“I wish I could have seen that,” Hux mused. “We’ll check into it. Wouldn’t be surprised if Snoke had something to do with it.”

“I would never go after Kylo Ren. I’ve heard horror stories about the kills he has made. He’s the best. The best of all of us. I wouldn’t stand a chance. I’ve got chill bumps even thinking about it.” Phasma rubbed her arms.

Rey looked on with confusion. “Kylo told me once that you were a dangerous woman.”

A rosy glow blossomed on the apples of Phasma’s cheeks and her eyes took on a surprised light.

“Did he really?” She clapped her hands. “That makes my whole kriffing year. Did you hear that, Hux? Kylo Ren called me a dangerous woman.” She giggled like a giddy girl, so at odds with her badass killer-woman attitude. “This is the best day.”

Rey brought her hand over her eyes. She could hardly believe this turn of events. Kylo had been the one to kill Snoke. These two had killed the rest of the men who had been standing guard around Kylo. She was sandwiched between two assassins who were now her protectors while she waited for another assassin to be patched up in emergency services. And it turned out that she’s supposed to be the queen over all the assassins, or something.

This day was too much.

“I wonder if they’ll tell me how Kylo is doing,” she murmured aloud.

“Go up to the desk and say you’re his wife. They’ll tell you everything.”

Her heart pounded at that.

“What is your relationship with Kylo Ren, anyhow? I know I saw you two together some time ago,” Phasma asked.

Rey thought about it, but didn’t know how she should answer. She didn’t know if she could really trust Hux and Phasma, no matter how much they gushed over Kylo and his reputation.

“He’s a friend,” she admitted.

Hux snorted. “The Boogeyman has friends.”

Phasma only looked at her in awe.

Rey stowed the medallion and shouldered her bag and went to find a reception desk.

“Hi,” she said to the nurse there. “I’d like to know how my, um, husband is doing?”

“What’s his name, ma’am?”

Rey said his name quietly, careful that no one else standing around could hear. The nurse searched through the database and said he’d be in surgery for the next few hours. She thanked the woman and went back to sit between her protectors.

“Looks like he’ll be in surgery for a while.” Rey worried for him, but she knew he was in the best place for the time being. She was anxious to see him again, alive and well.

“Can I ask you both a question?”

Hux blinked, pale eyebrows raised high. “Sure.”

“Why do you admire Kylo so much? Especially after you saw him so… defeated today?”

“Bite your tongue. Kylo Ren never does anything without a purpose. He probably planned that attack from start to finish. My guess is that Snoke was his target all along. And from what I saw today, I’d call that ‘mission accomplished.’”

“That’s right. He’s a legend. He is a man of focus.”

“I’ll go back and tally up the death toll. Who knows how many he killed today to even get to Snoke.”

“He’s a beast. What he lacks in finesse, he makes up for with brutality.”

“He once used a poisoned toothpick! So creative.”

“Such dedication. He inspires me to become a better killer every day.”

“Remember the book? Who kills someone with just a book? You can’t make this shit up.”

“The _cactus._ ”

“The _cactus._ Hell, yes. I’d forgotten about that one.”

The two assassins chattered happily back and forth over her head while her mind tried to imagine killing someone with such mundane items. She couldn’t. Not really. But his drive and focus and brutality? She had witnessed that herself. Kylo’s fan club made it sound like what he did was an art form to be oohed and ahed at.

The man was being operated on at that very moment. The killer role model of the two people beside her. And her? He was the man her heart had a soft spot for. And that was a problem. Wasn’t it?

She’d made the monumental decision that she would rather take him as he was than have nothing of him at all. It was not a decision she made lightly, but it was a decision she had made when she found him bleeding on the floor of Snoke’s office.

How it would all work itself out, or if it could even be done, that was something she’d yet to figure.

The duo went on and on for a while longer, but Rey tuned them out. She had so much new information to work through. This Palpatine legacy business was completely unreal to her. Her family were at one time lords of crime? Had her parents been assassins as well? Murderers? Thieves? Drug dealers?

Rey had nothing. She came from nothing. She wanted nothing to do with this underworld thing. She couldn’t imagine wielding power and wealth all because she’d be involved in illicit and illegal things, could she?

No. She absolutely could not.

But… What if the man named Snoke _had_ killed Kylo back there in that fancy house?

Her mind went to that possibility for a dark, dark moment. Had that happened, she may have decided differently. Maybe she would have taken her place as the heir. Maybe she would have decided to burn the underworld down from the inside out.

She shook her head, determined to move from those dark thoughts.

Kylo was alive. And she didn’t want to be the Palpatine heir.

An idea began to form, but she needed to speak with Kylo. She trusted him and she trusted that he would be the one to give her good advice about what to do next. She hoped he would be all right.

Kylo had sustained some major injuries. But even injured as he was, he’d been protecting her before he’d passed out. The way he’d taken her gun, and he had to have been in immense pain, and waited for his chance to kill the man named Snoke with expert skill. He’d shot almost blind. Two in the chest. One in the middle of a scarred forehead.

Was she turning into a Kylo fangirl as well? She massaged her aching neck. Why had he even been there in that house? She didn’t understand why Kylo had been… flayed alive. If Hux hadn’t been the one tracking them, it must have been Snoke. Snoke had been after her for what she was going to inherit.

Life was strange and it got stranger for her every day.

She did the only thing she could do at that point.

She waited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Until There Is No End by Lorn (..the most epic death march)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_Sqdnyo_kY)   
>  [Cyber City by Gunship](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ezt6XRpatw)


	19. Chapter 19

Kylo lay unconscious for days. Intravenous tubes kept him hydrated and fed, but at least he breathed on his own. He’d been wrapped in layers of gauze after the surgeon patched him back together. The right side of his face also had a large white bandage covering it.

Blood and dirt still caked his hair. Rey brushed her fingers through it. She took a damp cloth and cleaned the dirt and blood away from the skin that wasn’t bandaged or injured. She did all this with the most tentative gentleness. In no way did she want to hurt him more.

Hux and Phasma returned the gym bag she’d been carrying when they’d kidnapped her. It contained her cell and her wallet with her current identity.

Once her bodyguards left her alone, she called Chewie and told him that she was all right, but that she would be away for some time. She gave him the room number in the med center so that Han could call her when he got back to his office. She turned her cell off because there was no power dock to charge it.

Phasma brought her a change of clothes and Hux brought her food. She showered in the adjoining bathing room. She slept in the chair next to Kylo’s bed. She held his hand.

One afternoon the bedside phone rang.

She looked up from staring at Kylo’s resting face and reached for the handset.

“Hello?”

“Sula? It’s Han.”

“Hold on.” Rey covered the receiver and turned. Hux was sitting in the corner of the room.

“Can you give me some privacy?” she asked him.

Hux’s eyebrows raised, but he said, “I’ll be outside,” and left.

She took a deep breath. “Han?”

“Yeah, kid. We’ve all been worried sick. Everybody is asking what happened to you. Tico is beside herself. Leia is devastated. Even that jerk, Poe, is asking about you.”

He finally stopped to breathe. “When you didn’t come home I called Kylo. He said he was going to get you, bring you back.”

She sighed and looked down at Kylo’s still form. So he _had_ come for her. He cared. Han and Leia cared too. Her friends cared. Her heart warmed in a way that she’d never experienced before.

“I’m all right,” she told Han. “Kylo did come for me. But he’s hurt. We’re at a med center. He hasn’t woken up yet, but the specialist said he will soon.”

“What happened?”

“I really don’t know what they did to him, but it looks like they took a burning whip to him. He’s going to be scarred. One gunshot wound to his arm. Concussion too.”

He released a shuddering breath. “I’m just glad he’s still alive. He said he might not…”

Rey grabbed Kylo’s hand and squeezed it hard. A lot of Kylo’s actions were making sense to her now. “He’s going to be fine. He’s right here. He’s breathing. I won’t let anything happen to him.”

“Tell me where you are. I’ll come.”

She held her breath. “Not yet. There are some things happening that are beyond my control. I need some time to work them out. Okay?”

“What’s going on?”

She huffed a short laugh. “I don’t even know everything yet. I need to talk to Kylo. I think he can help me decide what to do. But I have some kind of inheritance. And I don’t think I want it.”

“Why don’t you want it?”

“It turns out my family must have been into a life of crime.”

“Huh. How deep are you talking?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“Hutt Cartel? Black Sun? Crimson Dawn? Palpatines? Guavian Death Gang? Any of those ring a bell?”

Gasping, Rey said, “One of them does.”

Han muffled a curse on his side of the line.

“How do you know them?” she asked him.

“Let’s just say that my career had a rocky start and I’m familiar with those clans and we’ll leave it at that.”

Rey’s eyebrows shot up and she frowned. “Oh.” What had Han been into?

She shook her head and sighed. She squeezed Kylo’s hand again, so thankful that she could.

“Tell everyone I miss them. I’ll be back soon. And I will call you again later when I have some news.”

“Okay, kid. I’m glad you’re all right. And if there’s something I can do, just say so.”

They said their goodbyes.

Not long after the phone call, Kylo began to stir.

His dark eyes cracked open and Rey tensed for his reaction. But he didn’t shoot out of bed. He breathed deep and caught sight of her. He made a small noise in the back of his throat and the uninjured side of his face pulled up in a grin.

Surprised, she smiled in return and relaxed.

“Hey,” he breathed. “Pretty girl,” he said, voice getting slightly stronger.

Rey wasn’t expecting that.

“Hi,” she returned, a little unsure.

His large blunt-tipped fingers traced over the back of her hand. Then he gripped it and pulled it to his chest. He put his hand on top to hold it there.

“Feels nice,” he mumbled.

“Kylo,” she laughed. “Are you okay? You’re acting weird.”

“Hmm. I feel so good it’s bad. Come up here,” he said and plucked at the sleeve covering her arm.

“I think you’re under the influence of pain meds.” Rey had to stand and lean over him. She was very close to his face now. It was relaxed and his eyes weren’t quite focused.

But his smile was so disarming. Even with the bandages on the right side of his face, he was still attractive to her.

“Sleep with me,” he said.

“You’re in a hospital bed. I can’t lay on your IV lines. And you’ve got bandages all over you. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“We should leave, then,” he said in a serious tone. “I want you. In. My. Bed.”

Rey didn’t know what to do with this man. He surely had no clue what he was actually saying.

She ran a hand over the top of his head and he hummed in response.

“We will go when you’re better.” She continued to stroke through his hair. “In the meantime I’m going to enjoy you like this. Because this is not normal for you.” She chuckled at his pouting expression.

His fingertips still traced light circles over the back of her hand.

“Are you hungry?” she asked him.

Another half smile. “Yes.”

“What would you like?”

“You.”

“Kylo! Shh! Stop that.”

“Come ’ere. I’ll whisper.”

“You’re flirting with me.”

“Thanks for noticing. I’m doing a bad job. You haven’t kissed me.”

“Do you even know who I am?” she asked.

He opened his eyes all the way and for a long time he studied every one of her features with perfect focus.

“Rey,” he breathed. Soft. So soft.

A huge breath left her. “What am I going to do with you?”

“Come closer. I’ll tell you. It’s a secret.”

She huffed, shook her head, and put her face down beside his.

Kylo’s lips brushed her jaw. “Oops.” They moved lower and over to her earlobe. “Oops.”

“Kylo…” She trembled, moved away. His lips caught on the corner of hers.

“Oops,” he said again.

Both their eyes were open. She’d wanted to kiss him for ages. What harm would it do to kiss him now? Especially when he was in such a playful mood?

Eyes still open, she went for it. She tilted her head and touched her lips to his.

It hit her a second too late that a kiss was not just a kiss. Hesitant at first, gentle, soft, seeking, they both soon fell deeper. Eyes fell closed. His breath became her breath; his taste a living thing on her tongue.

“What have we here?” an intrusive voice spoke from behind her.

With a little gasp, she pulled back from Kylo and put her fingers to her mouth.

His tongue darted out to taste his bottom lip.

“Come back,” he grumbled with a little grin.

She took another step away and looked at Hux by the door. Phasma was right on his heels.

Kylo’s hand cranked down hard on hers the moment he saw them.

“Where’s my gun?” His whole body had gone rigid.

Rey turned to Kylo again. “It’s okay. They’re friends.”

“The hell you say?”

Hux took a step closer to the bed, hands raised. “We’re here to serve the Palpatine.”

The tension slowly eased from Kylo’s body, but his eyes darted constantly between all three of them. He still had a death grip on her hand.

Phasma finally cleared her throat after a tense bout of silence.

“I went back to Snoke’s mansion and looked around before the Cleaners arrived.” She held up a small satchel. “I presumed these items belong to Ren.”

Rey wrested her hand from Kylo’s grip and took the satchel from Phasma.

“Thank you for going back there.” She put the satchel down next to her own bags.

She turned and found that all three pairs of eyes were on her. Each expression expectant. It only served to weigh down her already-smashed nerves.

“I wish you all would stop looking at me like that!”

“There are many matters we should discuss,” Hux began.

Rey flapped a hand in Kylo’s direction. “He’s only just woken up. And I don’t think he’s ready for the conversation I need to have with him. He needs more time.”

“Be that as it may, we should start the process of filing your claim. Phasma is willing to stay with Ren and I will accompany you to the Registry and the Sentinel of Legacies.”

“Don’t you dare go with that little porg,” Kylo hissed.

Hux’s voice rose with indignation. “Porg! I should gut you—”

“Stop it!” Rey threw up her hands and waved them. “Not today. He’s still out of it on pain meds. Come back tomorrow. We’ll talk then.”

She gave Hux and Phasma a pleading look. “The two of you have been great. You will be compensated. Thank you.” She ushered them out of Kylo’s hospital room.

Once out of Kylo’s earshot, Hux, flustered, said, “I shouldn’t have said that to Kylo Ren. Karking hell. He’ll murder me. Tell him I didn’t mean it.”

Rey closed her eyes and nodded. “It’ll be fine. Just give us a little space, okay?”

Phasma waved. “I’ll check in on you later, doll.”

“Thank you, Phasma.” She marveled for a moment that she’d formed a tentative friendship with the scary woman.

Rey went back into the room and found Kylo trying to get out of bed. He was almost ready to rip an IV out of his arm.

She rushed to his side. “Don’t do that. You’ll bleed everywhere. You’ve already had a transfusion because you lost so much blood the other day.”

Kylo’s left eye was twitching when he finally looked at her. “The hell they doin’ here. He wanna kill me. The hell, Fey?” His speech was slurring. His heart rate was too high.

“Lay back down. You’re going to pass out. All your words are garbling together. Rest, okay?” She knew if the pain meds weren’t working that he’d be writhing in agony.

He finally fell back and laid his head on the pillow. But he didn’t look happy about it.

“Don’t be upset.” She took his hand again. “They’ve been a huge help to us.”

Kylo scoffed and rolled his eyes to the ceiling.

“Hux was never after you. They found out that Snoke was the one who put a hit on you, but they were the ones who got the contract canceled. No one is coming for you now.”

“Sssnoke,” he spit.

“Hux wanted to apologize for your exchange earlier. He wouldn’t really try to gut you. He respects you too much.”

“Need to get out of here.” He restlessly sought for an exit.

Rey sighed. “I know. We will.” She stroked her fingertips up his arm.

“Don’t let them drug me.” His eyes were growing heavy.

“No drugs,” he begged.

He opened his eyes one more time to look at her. “I know who you are,” he whispered.

Then he slept.

\---

Kylo Ren was a horrible patient.

The next day, the nurse came in to change his bandages. He was having none of it.

“You were a lot easier to deal with when you were sleeping,” Rey told him.

He gave her a cold, dark look. Perhaps she should have allowed the nurse to administer one last round of pain medication. He was hurting and trying to hide it. And it only made him cranky.

He flinched and growled at the nurse.

“Sir, you better calm your ass down or I’m going to stab you on your butt with some sleepy juice.”

Kylo bared his teeth at the woman.

_Okay, then._

“Hey, how about I do this? You can show me,” she suggested to the nurse before things got out of hand.

The grizzled woman happily handed her the supplies and a pair of surgical gloves.

Rey gave Kylo a stern look when she reached for the bandages on his face. She swallowed hard and said, “Take it easy on me, tough guy.”

She put a gentle hand on his forehead and worked quickly and tenderly with the other.

Kylo’s pained eyes never left her.

The diagonal scar that he would have after healing would be considerable, going from his jaw over the eye and eyebrow to the forehead. He’d only received a light abrasion on the eyelid. He’d come so close to losing his right eye.

Rey followed all the nurse’s instructions and she left the two of them alone.

She had to redo all his other bandages next. “Sit up for me so I can get to your back.”

She worked as fast as possible because she could hear his breathing falter with every touch. There were big, ragged, strips of flesh missing in places and stitches holding him together in other places.

When she finished, she helped Kylo ease back on to the bed. She re-dressed the gunshot wound bandage on his arm last.

After all the torment, she kissed him. Just a little peck on the corner of his lips.

Kylo’s lowered brows wasn’t the response she was expecting. Maybe she shouldn’t have done that.

She retreated and said, “Sorry.”

She tossed the trash and busied herself while she was turned away from Kylo. Maybe she’d completely misread his flirting yesterday. He’d been so out of it that he must not have known what he was doing, nor remembered what he did.

_How embarrassing._

Since they’d been at the med center, Hux had been adamant that she do something about the Palpatine legacy. She knew it was terrible timing, but she felt pressured by Hux’s urgency to talk with Kylo now.

Rey took the Blood Marker from her bag and brought it to him. He was still frowning and irritable, but maybe he’d be able to hold a coherent conversation with her.

He took the marker and flipped it in his large hands, looking at it much like Hux had several days ago. He thumbed over the botched etching on the back.

“You are the Palpatine heir,” he said, sounding far away from her in that moment.

“What do I do?” She leaned her hip on the edge of his bed.

“You go and claim what is rightfully yours.” He tossed the marker onto the sheets between them.

Rey blinked and looked down at the medallion. “Is it that simple?”

“It’s as simple as you want it to be.”

He was staring off to the side at the wall. He was avoiding her eyes and it was pissing her off.

“What aren’t you telling me?”

His fists clenched but he continued to stare at the side of the room.

“What does the Palpatine do?”

“I don’t know,” he growled.

“I’ve never moved in those circles. I don’t know what the High Table leader does.”

He made an impatient gesture with his hand. “The High Table presides over the Order. It’s worldwide. It’s regulated by rules. The High Table keeps things running smoothly.

“Palpatine probably had his own enterprises and money making ventures. None of them right or legal, but all of them are sanctioned under a different law than the rest of the world operates.

“That’s what the underworld is, Rey. And you would rule over all of it.”

Everything was sinking and she couldn’t breathe. “And you’re saying I should just go and do that?”

“Yeah. That’s what I’m saying.”

She looked away from him, battling tears. “I don’t want it,” she whispered.

“Why? It’s yours by right. That’s where you come from,” he said.

“That’s not me. That’s not who I am,” she said. She mustered a smile. “I’m going back to Alderaan. I’ve decided to train to be a pilot. My friend Chewie said he’d teach me.”

She wiped at her cheeks. “It might not seem like much to you, but that’s what I want for me.”

“You may not have a choice.”

“I’ve thought about it. Snoke seemed to think that I would sign my legacy over to him. Why can’t I do the same of my own free will?”

“To relinquish your right may be dangerous for you.” His black gaze finally landed on her. “Who are you going to give it up to?”

Rey shrugged and flicked her thumbnail over the medallion.

“Hux. Phasma.” She paused, then whispered, “Or you?”

A deep tremble began inside her. It was nervousness, anxiety and fear. If there was any hope for their future, for the future of the son of Han and Leia, it all came down to this moment and which direction Kylo would choose to take.

“You wouldn’t stay?” he asked softly. “We could… We could take it all on together. The two of us,” he said.

Rey let that dark fantasy ride for a few long moments.

She and Kylo, both powerful and untouchable. Doing unspeakable things. Always dancing upon the edge of a knife or within the sights of a gun.

Together. Unhindered. Nothing between them.

But something inside her wouldn’t let that could-have-been invention take hold. Something inside her rebelled at the image she saw of herself as the Palpatine. It wasn’t even a clear vision. And though she had no real truth to base it on, it wasn’t right.

Not for her.

And she was afraid she would lose Kylo because she wouldn’t let herself partake of that kind of life. She wanted him with all her being, but she recalled something Leia had told her: _No one ever talks about what those dreams can cost. Sometimes the right thing to do isn’t always what you want to do._

Did he want her now because of what she stood to inherit?

Would he want her if she had nothing?

“What if,” she began, the trembling shook her harder now. She had to clasp her hands together, but she still couldn’t hide the tremors. The medallion’s edges and bevels dug into the flesh of her palms.

“What if I used this power, this influence, to get us out of this life? To get you out? I could relinquish everything to someone else and you could… come away with me.”

Kylo’s eyes, dark, unfathomable, bore into hers. It was a heady place to be—at the center of his attention.

But to her disappointment, he slowly shook his head. “And go where, Rey? I can’t outrun what I am. And I can’t go back.”

A stilted breath. “Can’t or won’t?

“I can’t go back.” Bleak. So tired, pained, and bleak.

She closed her eyes, thought for a few seconds about saying more, but decided she couldn’t stay quiet.

“If it’s because of Luke, you don’t know the whole story. You didn’t kill—”

“You don’t know _anything,_ ” he spat, lurching forward, teeth bared and clenched.

The expression on his face was absolutely black. Absolutely terrifying. 

Rey stood and moved away from his bed. She knew his little brother was a sensitive subject for him.

Too afraid to continue but more afraid to back down now, she pressed on.

“He had a heart condition. Han told me what the autopsy showed. You couldn’t have killed your little brother. Your parents have no reason to believe you did anything to hurt him.”

That black, black, murderous look should have incinerated her where she stood. She sure felt it burning its way through her.

“Why the fuck would you say that shit to me?”

She flinched so hard at his tone and words that she bit her tongue. She could taste the blood. The trembling inside her subsided. Her fingers and limbs went cold. The Blood Marker felt like a ten-ton weight in her hand.

She _knew._

She knew this was how it would end between them—before it ever even had a chance to begin.

“I said it because I love you.”

It was a breath and it was a confession and it was likely her last goodbye to Kylo Ren.

She couldn’t look at him again. Didn't want to see contempt on his face at her profession of love. She quietly gathered her things and she left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Steady by SVRCINA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dKEf1tv9PU)   
>  [Hurts Like Hell by Fleurie](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OE9jSVbkvwg)


	20. Chapter 20

Hux was patiently waiting for her.

“I’m ready,” she told him without stopping and headed straight for the med center exit. It was difficult for Rey to feel much of anything in that moment but acute numbness and a weird sense of detachment. 

She held her head high because she wouldn’t allow herself to do otherwise.

“Very good,” Hux said as he followed along to catch up with her.

He chivalrously held the car door open at her approach. Once they were both inside, she laid out her terms to him.

“I was not brought up to be the heir, so I have no clue what I’m supposed to be doing. I’m counting on you to get me through this properly. If you cross me,” she met his eyes as he started the car, “you will be sorry.”

The practiced nod he gave her conveyed respect and deference.

“Have no fear. I would not cross the friend of the Boogeyman.”

Doing her best to judge his intent, she found no jest in his statement.

Hux navigated them through the blurring streets of Coruscant, but all she could see was that black look in Kylo’s eyes. It certainly wasn’t a look devoid of emotion. That look had been a roiling pit of torment. That pain went all the way to the molten core of his being. 

Perhaps she shouldn’t have said anything to him about his brother. She did regret hurting him. She only wished to repair the rift between himself and his parents. She only wanted him to know the truth. But she would never regret loving him.

They had arrived at their destination and Hux was at her door before she snapped out of her thoughts. She was failing to be observant and that was a violation of one of the key lessons Kylo had taught her.

She was surprised to see they were outside of the Bank of the Core.

She shot a brow up in Hux’s direction.

“Every place we need to visit today is located here. The Order does like its conveniences when it suits them.”

Inside the sparkling doors of the Bank of the Core, Hux navigated them to an upper floor where many people worked at their evenly spaced, polished wood desks in hushed dignity. 

The whole long wall to their left was lined with ornately decorated floor-to-ceiling black filing cabinets. Everything seemed to be decorated in an old-world kind of style.

An impeccably dressed gentleman asked how he could direct them. Hux responded and they were led to the desk of a woman who had four ink pens stuck in her tightly coiled hair. She radiated an air of boredom as she finished her task and glanced at them taking their seats across from her.

“How may I assist?” she asked with a bland smile. Her name plate read Bellava Parnadee.

“We’ve come to inquire of a Blood Marker. We must also obtain a DNA verification.” Hux looked to Rey with a nod. “Show Ms Parnadee the marker, if you please.”

Rey pushed the medallion across the desk to the woman.

Bellava pulled the desklamp toward her workspace and reached for a magnification oculus which she then used to closely inspect each side of the marker. She did the same when she opened it to reveal the blood stamped fingerprints.

Her magnification oculus must have produced information that could not be seen with the naked eye. She plucked a pen from her hair and jotted down neatly scripted notes onto lined stationary.

When finished, she moved her tools aside and put the medallion at the center of the desk where it would be clearly seen.

“Please excuse me while I access this file in our database.” She took her notes and left them to wait.

“They don’t use computers here,” Rey observed.

Hux absently fiddled with the cuffs of his crisp suit jacket. “The most secure databases are never digitized. Pen and paper only. Everything is witnessed with the eyes. Oaths sealed in blood. It’s all very humanizing.”

Rey blinked at his explanation. Humanizing the assassin business? Rey remembered how offended Kylo had been when she had suggested killing Hux without cause. She was sorry for that. These hired killers really did hold themselves to a higher standard. It was weirdly contradictory.

They had to wait for some time before Bellava returned with a black file folder. She opened it atop her desk and removed the papers inside. She scanned silently over the documents and arranged them in order of importance.

Bellava finally turned the pages for them to read. The first entry was dated back almost twenty years. The blood debt had been initiated by Anakin Skywalker and performed by Sheev Palpatine. It was dated and signed by both parties.

> _On this day, as witnessed by Jhared Montferrat, Anakin Skywalker does reside in outstanding debt to Sheev Palpatine, for the protection and training of Skywalker’s grandchild, one Benjamin Solo, and for the child’s safe and anonymous transition into the Order._

Rey hid her shock as well as she could. By the end of the first page, she was biting her knuckles. She was the only person present who knew that Ben Solo and Kylo Ren were one and the same. She wouldn't dare give away that secret to Hux or anyone else.

The next page was laid out in the same format, but the debt was called to resolution, dated two years later. There were missing dates and signatures.

> _On this day, as witnessed by Wilhuff Tarkin, Sheev Palpatine does absolve all debt outstanding against Anakin Skywalker in exchange for the protection of one anonymous Palpatine grandchild._

“As you can see,” Bellava pointed to the last page, “the second debt was called but the date of resolution was never recorded. That date would have been indicated once the Blood Marker was returned to the Registry. You are in possession of this marker. Would you like to indicate that this Blood Oath has been fulfilled?”

Rey was still reeling. She’d just read about some major events of her past. Kylo’s grandfather had been the one who took her to the orphanage in Jakku. Palpatine, her grandfather, she supposed, had been protecting her. From what, she wasn’t sure.

She glanced at Hux, because she didn’t know what to do.

“We will be content to indicate completion as long as it does not hinder the DNA test. We must verify her blood ties to Palpatine. And we greatly appreciate your assistance in making that happen.” Hux drew a gold coin from his jacket and gave it to Bellava.

“Of course.” She accepted the coin and left to retrieve the equipment she needed.

Rey read the papers in front of her over and over again. She wondered if Kylo even knew about what the Blood Oath entailed, and that it involved himself. And if she was indeed a Palpatine, then both their grandfathers knew each other. How extraordinary.

“Would there be any way to find out what happened to my parents?” she asked Hux, still frowning over the pages.

“Hm. It may be information you would find in Palpatine’s personal files. You will have access to his home, as well as everything else he was entitled to.”

“Tell me what you make of all this High Table stuff. Is it a position you would want for yourself?”

Pale brows rose skyward and his lips pursed. “I must admit, a seat at the High Table is an enviable position.”

He ticked his head to the side. “I could imagine myself in such a station, mysterious as it surely is.”

Apprehension rose sharply in Rey’s gut. She had no idea what she was getting herself into. 

“What’s next? After this?”

“Once we have DNA verification, we’ll go to the Sentinel of Legacies. There you will be officially named heir and the Palpatine title and fortune will be restored to you.”

It was getting difficult to breathe now. As much as she would have welcomed a family connection, or even learning the history of where she came from, in this case, she was afraid to find out. She was afraid the cost would be too high.

She was getting light headed. She couldn’t go through with this.

“Hux,” she rasped. “What if I gave it all up?”

Whispering frantically, she continued. “Can I leave all this behind and go back to my old life? Will I be a target for as long as I live?”

Noticing her distress, Hux patted her awkwardly on the back. He frowned. “You would give up so rich a prize as what is coming to you?”

“Yes. In a heartbeat.”

At a loss for words, Hux’s mouth hung open.

“Will you take it?” She turned in her chair, facing him fully. “Snoke was going to have me sign it over to him. Why don’t I sign it over to you?”

Hux spluttered.

“I’ll leave and you will never have to worry about me coming back to claim it. I don’t want it. I want you to take it. Take it as payment from me. I just ask that you don’t come looking for me. And that you take care of Kylo. If I could use it to pay his way out of this underworld crime business, I would do it, but I know he won’t come with me.”

She had to wipe a tear off her face with a trembling hand.

“I want out. I want us both out.”

“If you sign it over to me, Kylo Ren will kill me,” he said, dark realization dawning over his features. “Karking hell. I can feel death’s icy breath on the back of my neck just thinking about it.”

“I would sign it all over to him, but,” she took a shuddering breath and dropped her face. “I’m ashamed to say this out loud…”

“You don’t wish to give him a reason to stay in the Order,” Hux finished for her.

She raised her eyes to his, tears rolling from her lower lashes, and nodded. “It’s selfish. I’m selfish.”

Hux sighed. “Selfish from only your perspective, perhaps. If someone meant to do for me what you wish to do for Ren…”

He sniffed and sat back in his chair.

He frowned and retreated into deep thought.

“Rey,” he finally said. “We will complete the DNA verification today. You will need that before we are able to take the next steps.

“Instead of going straight to the Sentinel, let’s rest on it. The honorable thing to do is for you to talk to Ren. I will not take what you offer while his back is turned.”

“Why not?” she asked, puzzled.

Hux’s eyebrows rose and he turned slowly to her. “Not counting the sheer fact that Kylo Ren is an unholy terror that would hunt me down and distribute my parts to the four corners of the globe, you are most certainly _his_ girl.

“And an honorable man does not make plans with another man’s girl.”

Rey was humbled and horrified by Hux’s response. Humbled because he so easily chose honor over riches. Horrified because he was fully convinced Kylo would do such a thing.

She shook her head and said, “We argued before I left the med center. I’m not his girl. Not like you think. He didn’t want what I offered him.”

Hux snorted, unconvinced. “Rest on it.”

They both looked up to Bellava when she returned. She set out her equipment and smiled. 

“It’s my favorite part of the day. I get to draw first blood.”

\---

Kylo went to a dark place the second he’d hurled those wretched words in Rey’s face.

His beautiful Rey.

He was the foulest monster. How had she responded to his rage? With a gentleness that he never remembered encountering before in his life.

With love.

And she was walking away. 

As she should.

She should run fast and far and never look back.

Not for him.

He had so many regrets. So much emotional pain that outweighed the physical pain he was now suffering. There were so many conflicting things from his past that he had never dealt with. His little brother Luke was at the top of the list. His mother and his father right behind.

Ben Solo had been such an angry kid. All these years, he was convinced that he’d killed Luke with his hate. He _knew_ he was Luke’s murderer, no one could change his mind about that.

Twenty years had passed, but like a projection in his mind, the memories came flooding. The two of them, playing in the yard. Well, Luke was playing. Ben was most likely breaking shit for the hell of it. And Luke probably got too close, or interfered. Ben poured out all his anger and anxiety and hurt onto Luke. Made his little brother cry. Made him fall over. Made him die.

Kylo turned his face into the pillow and sobbed.

He hated himself, hated this darkness warring inside him. He’d hated Luke. He’d hated his parents.

He’d hated everything.

And he was tired of it.

Since the day of Luke’s death he’d been shaped into something else. He’d lived a cold, soulless life. But in a way, it was what he had needed. The code he now lived by gave him structure. Purpose. Control.

But he’d lost that control with Rey.

Would he lose her completely? What would his life be like without her now? He would go back to that soulless existence. Back to a place where beauty and softness and laughter didn’t exist. Back to a place where his heart didn’t crawl up into his throat at the thought of her… at the thought of losing her.

He didn’t want that. Not again. Not anymore.

They had both offered themselves; he with his conditions, she with hers. But the truth was simply that Rey held the power now. For once in their short relationship, it was Kylo Ren who came to her with empty hands.

But if he left with her, grabbed on to what she offered him, he wouldn’t leave empty handed. There would be Rey. And Rey was enough.

And in that pivotal moment, the war against the darkness within him took a strange and wonderful turn.

_Rey was enough._

A chiming ring broke through Kylo’s thoughts. Loud and long and annoying as hell.

_Phone. Someone answer the damn phone._

With a curse and a painfully awkward reach across the bedrail, he snapped the handset up. At the last second, he remembered all that control he was so proud of cultivating. It could be Rey calling him. And that was more than he deserved.

“Rey?” he asked, sounding hopeful.

“It’s Han.”

The chasm of hurt and anger and pain ran deep between him and his father.

_Let it go._

_Quit holding on._

_Let the past die._

Could it be as simple as that?

A pained breath shuddered through him. “Dad…”

It wasn’t true anymore that he had nowhere to go. He knew his parents cared for him. They all three had just been tragically wrong at the exact same time. Perhaps now that the stars seemed to be aligning in their favor, they might be able to get it exactly right.

“Ben?”

“Dad… I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything.”

“Me too, kid.” He heard a choked sob on the other end of the line. “I’m sorry too, son.”

Everything trembled inside him. A great shattering earthquake shook the foundations of every wall of pain and hate and anger he’d built. He could feel every stubborn brick crash down and crack and break apart.

He was left in ruins.

_But Ben Solo was enough._

He took a deep breath. And another. And another. Freer. Easier. The only pain now was physical. But he would heal. He was healing wholly. Tears fell, but they didn’t choke him. Words formed and he was able to speak them.

“Is it… is it too late for me?”

“No. Never.”

He held his breath. “And Mom?”

“She wants you to come home. We both want you to come home. We’ve been waiting for so long. You’re always welcome. Always.”

He could hardly believe it. But he would take it with all the gratitude he could muster. He also knew that _nothing comes easy._ It was one of the rules he lived by. He’d learned over the years that nothing came easy unless he worked at it, committed to it, and poured all his focus into completing whatever task was laid before him.

Kylo Ren had been a man of focus. 

Ben Solo would use that same focus to forge a new life from the slag and ashes left behind by Kylo Ren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Turns You Into Stone feat. Fleurie](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fTEfgReJJs) For Rey's section of the chapter.  
> [Rise Above feat. Trella](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uNdhOUq4X6U) For Kylo's section of the chapter.


	21. Chapter 21

The thought of going back into that med center turned Rey’s stomach over in knots. Honestly, though, the thought of facing Kylo again scared her. Not that she was afraid of him. She was afraid that another appeal to him now would just be a waste of her time and breath. He probably hated her guts. And that hurt her too much.

So she would take Hux’s advice and rest on it.

When Hux parked in the med center’s lot after their return from the Bank of the Core, Rey stayed put.

“I can’t go back in there today. May I go find a hotel room somewhere? I’ll talk to him tomorrow.”

Hux narrowed his eyes in her direction. “I smell a coward.”

Setting her jaw, she said, “You told me to rest on it. That’s what I’m going to do.”

“Hmm. If you say so, little mouse.”

Rey smashed her lips together and shook her head. But he didn’t start up the car.

“What are we waiting on?” she asked.

He pocketed the keys and opened the door. “I’m going to inform Kylo and Phasma what your plans are.” He locked the door and left her alone.

And she was just beginning to like the man.

“Traitor,” she grumbled at his retreating form.

Kylo Ren had come into her life like a blazing hot sun. The same heat from the same sun could melt wax just as well as it could harden clay. His heat could either melt her heart or it would serve to harden her heart. The result depended entirely upon Kylo’s mood. She did not wish to be melted at the moment, nor did she wish to be hardened any further toward him.

She only wanted to let things be for the night.

The blood test confirmed that she was a Palpatine. She was the uncontested heir and now had the documents to prove it. But she kept going back to the fact that her grandfather had secreted her away when she was almost two years old. Maybe he had never wanted this life for her, either.

Niima was a hotbed of crime and villainy. Her friend Meru had been a prostitute there. Rey had witnessed firsthand what Meru had endured to earn money and to help put a roof over her own head. Meru had known that Unkar Plutt was a nasty sort, and that’s why she’d warned her away from working for the man. Seeing, firsthand, those things for herself, Rey already knew she couldn’t contribute to the hardships of others. She would never want to profit from other people’s sufferings, or addictions, or their shady dealings.

If she could make all the evil in the world go away, she would. But realistically, she knew she couldn’t save the whole world.

The only thing she wanted to leave with was Kylo. There wasn’t a place for her beside him if he remained contract killer. He’d made that obvious, hadn’t he? Rey only saw two options for them, and neither she nor Kylo liked those options.

She saw Hux coming toward the car at a quick pace looking decidedly uncomfortable. He tugged at his high-necked collar and his face was even more pinched than usual. He sat in the driver’s seat, still rotating his neck like he was having some bit of difficulty.

“Did you have a fun chat with your idol, Kylo Ren?” she asked him in a sweet voice.

“My lady,” he said, jolting his chin to the side in affirmation, “he does not disappoint.”

“And what golden nuggets of wisdom did he deign to bless you with?” She had to roll her eyes at her own sarcasm. The man was a vault, padlocked six times over.

“He made it perfectly clear that my _golden nuggets_ are on the line should anything happen to you.”

A soft snort was all Rey could muster in reply. Kylo was still caring for her, even though she was the one who chose to leave this time. She was doing the right thing for herself, as much as it pained her to do so. She was a wreck. A burning, mangled, charred, broken wreck.

“Well, let’s go get you settled into a room. Buckle up, please.”

After a significant fight through heavy traffic, Hux pulled the car up under the arched breezeway of a familiar fancy hotel.

“Why did you bring me here?” she asked, eyes narrowed in suspicion.

“Hotel Manarai offers the finest accommodations and, well, it is the safest place for you.”

She breathed a soundless “hmph,” but grabbed up her belongings and followed him in. She did grow more wary when he did not stop at the concierge desk. The same golden-haired man she’d seen many months before, standing behind the gleaming marble, gave them a politely curious glance as they walked by him toward the lift.

“Shouldn’t we get a room first?” she asked once the lift doors had closed.

Looking uncomfortable again, he said, “Oh, no need.” He pulled a key from his pocket. “Already procured. Top floor. Excellent view of the city. Or so I’ve been told.” 

“Are you about to cross me, Hux? Because if you are, you must know by now that I am armed.” Hux had given her no cause for alarm since she’d been thrown together with him, but she could tell by his behavior that something was amiss.

Caught off guard, he sputtered. “No, absolutely not, my lady. I only mean to escort you to your room and make sure all is well. Ren has required it of me.” He cleared his throat. “And please do _not_ use weapons on hotel grounds. It is explicitly against the rules and the consequences are dire.”

“How dire?”

“If you were to shoot me, your life would be forfeit. And the same goes for me.”

“Oh.” She shivered. “Good to know.” Good to know precisely how clueless she really was.

She leaned back on the wall of the golden lift and settled. Tired. Emotionally drained. Feeling stupid. She watched Hux, remembering how well he had treated her in the past days, kidnapping aside.

“What is your full name? I’m ashamed that I have not asked before now.”

“Armitage. Armitage Hux.” He bowed to her ever so slightly and smiled pleasantly.

Rey smiled at him in return. “I appreciate all you’ve done for me, Armitage. You’ve been a good friend.”

Hux snapped up to his full height, pale eyes wide. A bewildered expression crossed his face as he looked down at her. “How kind. It has been my pleasure. Truly.”

The long ascent finally came to its end and they exited at the top floor. Down a carpeted corridor he raised the key to room number 1901. The door had a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign hanging from the knob. But Hux went inside anyway.

Unsure, she followed slowly behind, watching as he checked behind doors and in the closets and in the bathing room, even under the bed. No one else was there. But items were strewn around indicating that someone had been there. The large walk-in closet had clothes hanging in it and duffle bags on the floor and a big sleek gun case parked inside that looked an awful lot like…

“These are Kylo’s things. Is this his room?” she asked, really kriffing irritated now.

“Well, ehrm, yes. It is his regular room.” He handed her the key. “He insisted that you stay here.”

After a long, jaw clenching sigh, she mumbled, “Of course he did.”

Rey checked out the opulent space. Only one hideously large bed took up a whole wall of the room, and she honestly couldn’t wait to crawl into it. The bathing room was even grander than the last room she’d stayed in with Kylo. An entertainment nook with a sprawling L-shaped couch crowded one corner of the room. Another nook had a table and seating for dining, and beside that, a marble buffet and cold storage. The wall of windows in the bedroom opened up to a balcony that had furniture and even a bubbling hot tub waiting.

“Whoa,” she breathed.

“Fit for a king,” Hux said with a wistful sigh. “All seems to be in order. Shall I help you with requesting a meal for yourself? Or any other need you may have?”

“I don’t want to be a bother, but I do need a few things. And a meal sounds great.”

Hux was obliging and kind and finally left her with a note that had his phone number and room number. He was checked in several floors below.

She’d spent too many nights on an uncomfortable chair at the med center watching Kylo, so after she had dinner, she took a long soaking bath in the giant tub. She did her best not to do much thinking about the infuriating man or her Palpatine legacy.

Wrapped in a fluffy robe, she shuffled past the closet and stopped. Kylo’s clothes were there. She didn’t have anything to sleep in, so she decided to borrow one of his shirts. She reached into his duffle and pulled out that soft black shirt he always seemed to favor. She pulled it over her head and it fell to just above her knees. The long sleeves rolled past her hands and the neck hole wanted to fall off her shoulder. But that was all right because all she planned to do was go to the massive bed and curl up with her face smashed into a pillow.

Once there, once comfortable, she encountered a problem.

The pillow and the sheets smelled like Kylo.

She hadn’t even realized he had a scent or that she was familiar with it. But there it was.

She tried to get away from him for just one night, but there was no escaping him completely.

In truth, she liked the way the bed smelled. She inhaled deeply and relaxed, and soon fell asleep.

Pounding on the door jolted her awake. A wave of fear rolled over her as she shook off the deep sleep. The clock indicated that she’d been out of it for hours.

Should she call Hux?

She padded to the door and looked through the peephole. Phasma was standing on the other side. Relieved to see it was a familiar face, she opened the door and squinted against the hallway lights.

“It’s three in the morning…”

“I’m sorry, doll, but he wouldn’t be deterred.”

“What?” Rey turned her head and saw Kylo leaning against the wall. He was still wearing a patient gown from the med center.

A war of emotion battled within her.

“What are you doing here?” She wasn’t sure if she was happy to see him, but she got out of his way when he stood in front of her at the door.

His dark eyes raked her from head to bare feet. Her cheeks burned hot because she knew what she must look like to him with tousled hair and brazenly wearing his shirt.

Kylo slid past her, the front of his body brushed her front, his eyes boring into her eyes, and disappeared into the closet. She swallowed thickly and turned her frown toward Phasma.

“He checked himself out.” Phasma shrugged. “The med center nurses were happy to shove him through the door. He’s been particularly agitated since you left. And when Hux said you didn’t want to see him…” Phasma’s eyes widened and her eyebrows went high.

“Oh.”

“If you don’t want to stay here,” Phasma began, but she was interrupted by Kylo’s voice from the closet.

“Rey’s not going anywhere.”

Rey shifted on her feet nervously and lifted her cheek in half a smile toward Phasma. “I’ll be fine.” She lowered her brows and blinked. “I think.”

“You have my number,” Phasma told her. “I’m checked in on the fourth floor.” She handed Rey the satchel with Kylo’s belongings, waved goodnight, and Rey closed and locked the door.

She crossed her arms and leaned against the opening to the closet. Kylo was sitting on his gun case, slicing a med band off his arm with one of his knives. He’d removed the gauze from the cut on his face, leaving only the suture bandages that helped hold the skin together so it would heal properly.

“Are you angry with me?” she asked. 

“No.”

He should be angry with her. She’d callously talked about his baby brother’s death. It had been unfair to him. She’d left him because he didn’t want what she offered. Still really unfair to him. They hadn’t seen eye to eye on several things. Alderaan was where she wanted to make her home. Alderaan was in his painful past. Remembering his expression still made her blood run cold.

She didn’t want to think about it now.

The pink and blue polka-dotted patient gown contrasted so dramatically with Kylo’s nature. Black was the only color he ever wore. The only color she’d ever seen him wear. She almost smiled.

“Didn’t your fan club bring you a change of clothes?”

Kylo grabbed up a pair of black underwear.

“I’ve got to wash the stink of that place off me.”

He stood and came toward her. Crowded her. Ran a knuckle slowly down the part of her shoulder that was exposed by his too-large shirt. It tingled. Felt good. Felt a little dangerous.

She held her breath. 

He went on into the bathing room.

She sagged against the wall.

Kylo didn’t close the door to the bathing room, so when she turned, she saw him staring into the mirror. He reached up and traced his cheek near the scar that bisected his face. She wondered what he thought of his new face, or if he thought anything of it at all. He rubbed at the black hair that had grown thick below his chin. He groaned in pain when he reached to pull off the gown.

“Here,” she said, moving behind him. She pulled apart the snaps and the ties so he wouldn't have to reach. “Do you want a shower or a hot bath?”

“Bath. Can you help me?”

She was shocked that he would even suggest that he needed help.

“Yes.” She swallowed hard. “I’ll help you.”

Turning to the giant tub, she adjusted the water temp and added bubbles. There were towels and washcloths folded on a shelf, she pulled down several for Kylo to use.

“Okay,” she said.

Kylo had already dropped the gown. In the low light she tried not to stare. He was too beautiful, like a tragic marble statue she’d seen and read about in school books. She forced her eyes up to his, and noticed the dark circles under them, the fading bruises on his cheekbones and temples.

She cared so deeply for this man and he needed her help. She put that thought first in her mind and set her frustrations with him aside, set her undeniable attraction to him aside.

“Come on.” She raised her hand out to him. “How are you feeling?

“Like hot shit,” he deadpanned.

She huffed a laugh. “I bet you do. In you go, tough guy.”

She knelt beside the tub and rolled up her long black sleeves and gently washed around the sutures and gauze that laced his shoulders and spine and ribs. She did the same for his injured arm.

When she got to his chest, she gasped at a massive bruise she’d failed to notice there. “What happened here?”

“Bullet hit me. But the suit stopped it from penetrating.”

“Oh, wow.” She trailed a gentle, trembling fingertip across the blackened crater over his heart. She swallowed hard. “This would have killed you.”

His gaze locked with hers. “I’m hard to kill.”

“I believe it.” She smiled softly, letting her eyes trail over the old scars she could see on his chest and arms. He was no stranger to violence and pain.

Rey blew out a breath, on the verge of tears, and reached for the shower wand. She rinsed his arms and shoulders and back, his hair, which was in serious need of a cleaning.

He groaned while she gently massaged shampoo over his scalp. He tensed when she found the big lump at the base of his skull.

“Sorry,” she whispered, gentling her touch even more.

She shampooed his beard next. His tired eyes never left her face.

“Why didn’t you stay at the med center?” she asked him.

“Because you’re here.”

Her sudsy hands fell to the ledge of the tub. She remembered clearly what had driven her away from Kylo Ren. She blinked, wiped away a tear that was rolling down her face, and reached for the shower wand again and began rinsing.

“I guess I’m a little surprised you want to be in the same room with me,” she said when all the suds were gone.

She handed him the soap and washcloth so he could finish scrubbing himself below the water line. She busied herself to give him some privacy until he was ready to get out.

She wrapped a towel around his hips and patted his hair and back dry. He was able to pull on his underwear, but didn’t want a shirt.

He brushed his teeth. Swallowed a pain killer. He turned the lights down.

“You take the bed,” she told him, fidgety now that she had nothing to occupy her hands. “I’ll sleep on the couch.”

He frowned at her. “Sleep on the bed with me.”

She huffed and said, “No, thank you.” She plucked up a pillow from the bed. “I’ve seen what happens if you get startled awake. I’ll stay over there. You stay over here.”

He honestly looked a little hurt. His mouth worked like he was going to say more, but he didn’t.

She turned away and settled on the couch, pulling Kylo’s shirt low on her legs as she curled up in a ball. But sleep didn’t return to her. And it sounded like Kylo wasn’t faring much better. She could hear him tossing and turning and making soft noises. She felt for him. He probably couldn’t find a comfortable position.

She thought she was going to have one uninterrupted night of sleep so she could wake rested and think about what she wanted to say to Kylo. Her wishes hadn’t changed. She still wanted to give away her legacy to Hux and see about getting Kylo to leave with her.

Maybe it was all too much for him. Maybe it was the thought of going home, of trying to live a normal life that he couldn’t do. Maybe the thought of reconciling with his parents was a dream that could never be attained.

She didn’t know what else she could do to convince him if her offer of love wasn’t enough. 

He cared about her, but did he want her?

Or did he want something she wasn’t willing to give?

If he wanted the Palpatine legacy for himself, and she did sign the inheritance over to Kylo, she would not stay with him. Of that much she was absolutely certain. It broke her heart to think of leaving him.

If he wished to remain a killer in service to the Order, she would only be a danger to him. A distraction. She would end up getting him killed.

Her heart wouldn’t do anything but love him despite what he did.

After such a long time of thinking, there wasn’t much chance of falling back to sleep. She got up and padded to the toilet. 

When she finished, she washed up and splashed some cold water on her face. It was way too early to do anything. She left the bathing room door cracked open so she could see her way back to the couch.

But she didn’t make it. Kylo was sitting at the end of the giant bed and he pulled her to stand between his legs.

“What are you doing?” she whispered, heart skittering in surprise. Her eyes had to adjust to the low light.

“Are we going to talk now?”

“Aren’t you tired?” she countered.

“Can’t sleep. You can’t sleep. Talk to me. What did you go and do when you left the med center?”

She tried to step out from between his legs. He clamped his hands down on the backs of her thighs to keep her in place. She let out a little squeak because if he moved his hands any higher, he’d find out that she had nothing on under his shirt.

His hands were really distracting there.

“Uhm, went to the Bank of the Core, the, uh, Registry place? We saw the documents explaining why the Blood Oath was initiated. I found out that it involved you.”

His hands subtly moved higher. “How?”

She was breathing a little too erratically.

“Twenty years ago, Anakin Skywalker asked for Sheev Palpaltine’s help training Ben Solo and transitioning him into the Order. Two years after that, Palpatine called in the debt to Skywalker for his help to remove an anonymous Palpatine granddaughter to safety. Me. My DNA was a match.”

“Anakin Skywalker was my grandfather.”

She nodded.

“I only met him a few times before he died. He found me when I ran away from home. And he was the one who took you to the orphanage in Jakku?”

“Probably. Why else would the Blood Marker have been left in my possession?”

She squirmed when his hands moved again.

“We can’t have a conversation like this. Let me out.” She pushed against his shoulders.

“What’s the matter?” he grumbled. He gripped behind her knees and pulled her legs up so she was straddling him on the bed. She gasped and tried to swing a leg over and away from him.

“Stay,” he said softly, holding her fast.

“I don’t… I don’t have anything on,” she admitted shyly.

The low curse he released from his mouth crackled through the dark. He grew tense beneath her. In a very deep voice he said, “This whole time you’ve been bare underneath that shirt?”

Face to face now, she could see the glint of his eyes reflecting the bathroom light. Something heavy and hot simmered in her lower belly.

“Yeah. I wasn’t expecting company tonight.”

“But you got me, didn’t you.”

She gazed into his eyes for a long time.

“Do I have you?” she finally breathed.

His fingers pressed into the flesh of her thighs, pulling her closer.

“Why do I remember kissing you?”

She laughed, soft, quiet, nervous. “You were very euphoric on whatever meds they gave you. And you were uncommonly flirtatious.” Still chuckling, she said, “I got to see a side of you that I’d never imagined seeing.”

He hmphed. She couldn’t help sliding her fingers through his short beard.

“You should let me up. There’s more we need to talk about.”

He slowly set her off his lap so she could sit beside him. Her heart steadied somewhat now that she wasn’t on top of him.

“Hux told me to think before I make a very important decision. We completed the DNA verification only. I don’t want to be the Palpatine. I’m scared of it. I’m scared of this world you live in. I would have signed everything over to Hux today, but he wouldn’t let me.”

“Is that right.”

She nodded. “He wouldn’t accept until I talked to you first.”

“What was his reason for that?”

“Honor.”

He tapped his fist on his thigh. Slid his hand toward her. He pressed his pinky finger next to hers. She held still.

“Tell me what to do,” she whispered, wanting nothing more than to lay her head on his shoulder and love him. For things to be right and good.

“I can’t tell you what to do, Rey. You have to decide what you want for yourself.”

She locked her pinky finger around his. “I want you. To come home with me. That’s what I want.”

His brows came down heavy over his eyes and his lips pressed together before he murmured, “You said you loved me.”

Heart hammering again, she replied, “I said a lot of things.”

He nodded, a jerking sort of motion. “Yeah, you did.”

She looped another finger through another of his. “What do you have to say?”

“You want me to go live a life I have no clue how to live. But I can’t offer you anything if I stay in service.” He blinked. “You made an offer to me. What was it?”

She stilled, hopeful, so hopeful. “I buy your way out of the Order and you come away with me,” she whispered.

“Okay.”

He threaded the rest of their fingers together. Her fingers trembled in his hand. “You know I’m going back to Alderaan? You know your family wants you to come home too, right?”

“I know. I talked to Dad today. I’m… I’m ready. For you, I’ll go back.”

“Don’t do it for me. I wasn’t being fair when I asked you to come with me. I hurt you. I’m sorry.”

“Rey, you don’t realize how you’ve changed everything for me. I would do anything for you, even if it means facing the two people I have wronged most in my life.”

Tears formed in her eyes. “Kylo…”

“No.” He shook his head. “You said your goodbye to Kylo Ren back in that med center. After we are out, which I haven’t figured out how to do yet, you’ll have to get used to calling me Ben.”

She turned fully toward him and a tear rolled down her cheek. “Ben.”

“Do you think you could learn to love Ben Solo?” he asked quietly.

She gave his hand a squeeze. Her heart gave a squeeze, too. “You’re really ready for this?”

“I left you twice before because I thought it was best for you. And I should let you live your life without me. I’m not good for you. You wouldn’t love me if you knew the things I’ve done… _The things I’ve done._ ” He began shaking his head.

Rey pressed her fingertips to his lips to get him to stop.

“We’ll do new things,” she promised.

The dawn had slowly broken over the city of Coruscant. The first rays of light melted away the darkness around them.

A great shuddering breath left him. “I want to kiss you,” he began. “Just one kiss. I can’t handle much more, even though you’re sitting there in my shirt and nothing else and it’s blitzing my brain.”

She blushed and glanced down at his chest. “I’m sorry. I’ll put on the bathrobe next time.”

“No you won’t. You’ll wear my shirt. Just like this.”

Their eyes finally met again. Everything inside her fluttered with little wings that fanned flames and gave flight. He reached up with his good arm and his fingers caressed paths along her throat. Sensation zipped over her skin.

“I’m going to try not to rush anything with you. I want to do what is honorable. I want to do things the right way.”

“Okay.” She thought could handle that. She nodded and her eyes trailed down to his lips, hardly believing how things had changed between them.

He leaned down to her, waiting for her to help him close the distance. Their lips met, parted, and they each tasted the other. Through all the flutterings and sweet singing on her skin, his taste captured her. She recalled it from their first kiss and she would remember it, savor it, for the rest of her days.

They soon pulled apart, slow smiles forming.

She knew they had a lot to work through. There were obstacles ahead. But if he was really with her…

“Are you with me, Solo?”

“Yes.” He kissed her forehead. “We’ll get through this together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Where You Are feat. Mike Mains](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQQzDFQzemo)


	22. Chapter 22

After another day of rest, Ben was able to put on some clothes.

It had been a week and five days since Rey had found him bleeding out in Snoke’s mansion. The scars he’d received from the electric whip Snoke’s men had used still itched and burned and hurt like hell. The pressure of his clothes only served to make him more irritable.

But he was not going to let Rey go alone with Hux and Phasma to the Sentinel of Legacies.

As tempting as having a position at the High Table would have been for anyone in the Order, Ben desired Rey more. Let his rivals have it. See how they held up under the demanding position of the leader of the High Table. He knew he’d been foolish to think that he and Rey could have taken that position on together. She wouldn’t have adjusted well to that life, and he would not have been able to prepare her for it.

Still, he had no clue what he was going to do with himself once he left the underworld. Contract killing didn’t exactly translate over to civilian life. But it was a life he and Rey could make together.

He also had to figure out how to exit the Order.

Leaving the Order wasn’t a simple procedure that could be followed because the procedure didn’t exist. No one walked out on the Order. He’d not told Rey that news yet. He just needed some time to come up with a good plan that didn’t involve leaving in a body bag to the Cleaners’ incinerator.

Ben was determined to help Rey build the life she wanted. He would find his way, find his place, and have Rey by his side.

So he suited up again, for possibly the final time, as Kylo Ren.

Hux had the most grating, self-pleased smile on his face throughout the proceedings with the Sentinel. It was turning Ben’s stomach the way Rey was so familiar with calling him by his first name. He couldn’t believe she’d made friends with two of his deadliest rivals.

Hux and Phasma acted like they had a great secret between them. Rey acted like she was nervous about something, twitchy and trembling subtly.

Their behavior was irritating him too. It was pissing him off.

Rey had forgone the opportunity to look through Palpatine’s office for information on her family’s demise.

Ben already knew that Snoke had been the betrayer all along. All those years ago when Palpatine and his family were killed, Snoke had been behind it. He’d been Palpatine’s most trusted colleague and ally. Then he’d broken the Order’s rules again when he’d attempted to steal Rey’s birthright. Snoke had grown cocky and greedy and it had been the old man’s downfall.

Ben barely remembered taking Snoke down after he’d almost been whipped to death. Heavy blood loss would do that to a person—it skewered the memory and weakened the body.

The Sentinel oversaw Rey’s abdication of the Palpatine legacy to Armitage Hux. Any wealth or stature she could have had, could have taken and done with as she pleased, she gave it all away with a smile. For a girl who, for all she knew, had nothing and came from nothing, she had no problem giving everything away.

“I’m taking control of my life,” she’d told him that morning before they left the hotel. 

Since he’d stormed into that dirty garage and carried her away, bloodied and unconscious, she’d been tossed about on the wind like a feather. He’d been the one directing the wind.

Today was the beginning of something new for both of them.

Once the abdication was complete, and they’d returned to Kylo’s gleaming black car, Rey turned to Ben with a nervous smile.

“I’m really sorry,” she said.

Ben frowned down at her, not comprehending what she meant. Hot and cold fire raced through his veins after feeling a slight sting on his neck. His heart pumped harder, and Rey’s face blurred before him.

Garbled words left his mouth, even though he was certain she understood him.

“What the hell, Rey?”

He went down, and her blurry face was over him. Her hands on his cheeks.

“It’ll all be over soon.”

Hux, from far away, mumbled, “Enjoy the afterlife, my friend.”

And everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [I Am the Only One by Ursine Vulpine ft. Annaca ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OGw3Ie_aFbo)


	23. Chapter 23

.

.

.

.

* * *

Spotty light hurt his eyes.

He could hear her voice. That soft lilt that curled around his heart and squeezed it. Made his ears reach for the sound of it.

She was close, but he couldn't see her.

Couldn’t see anything.

Her betrayal hurt like a son of a bitch.

The brightness blurred, faded, and the darkness wrapped around him like a smothering cloak.

* * *

.

.

.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Love and War by Fleurie](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39DfJPAUp2M)


	24. Chapter 24

Booming, like great rolling thunder, woke him.

_Rattle and shake._

“Rey!” he bellowed. The noise around him competed with the sound of his voice.

He was slumped over something that dug into his gut.

_Groggy._

Eyelids were too difficult to open.

_Drooling._

_Sticky_.

What the hell had happened to him? Everything hurt like he was being stabbed with pins and needles. The burning at his back had him wincing as he tried to push himself up.

“Rey,” he called again.

 _What is all this movement?_ It sounded like he was on a loud plane that was in the middle of a crash landing.

The movement soon stopped and he was able to push himself upright. He grabbed onto some hanging straps with his good arm and held on.

“Rey…” Where was that little hell cat? He didn’t know what he was going to do if he got his hands on her. _When_ he got his hands on her.

He eventually heard talking up in the forward cabin and the loading gate was lowered at the tail end of the cargo plane. The bright sunlight bouncing off the tarmac burned his eyes.

“Ben!” he heard from another direction and he slowly turned his head.

Rey came toward him dressed in orange coveralls. Behind her a giant hairy man followed.

Her little hands landed on his chest and she moved to shove her shoulder under his armpit. She didn’t come up high enough to be a crutch unless he stooped over.

“Hey, hey,” the hairy guy said. “I’ll help him.”

“Careful with him, Chewie. He’s still recovering.”

“What did you do to me, Rey?” he mumbled between dry lips.

He could feel her hand grip his. “I’ll tell you when you’re awake, okay? Don’t worry.”

“I _don’t_ worry,” he rasped. “You drugged me.”

“Yes. It was necessary.”

Chewie must have thought it was funny. His great chuckling laugh shook Ben.

“Welcome home, Ben Solo,” Chewie said.

“Am I covered in blood?”

“Yeah,” Rey said. “Sorry about that.”

“What the shit happened?”

“Wait till you’re coherent enough to understand.”

“I’m pretty damn near awake now.” But his knees buckled at the lower end of the loading gate. Chewie’s stout form kept him upright.

Han Solo was at the bottom of the ramp, waiting. Hands in his pockets, watery eyes wide, cheeks trembling.

Ben pulled up short and tried to stand on his own. So many things had changed over the last several months. For the first time, Ben’s heart had been softening toward his parents. Yet he still knew he needed to confess the truth to them. He still believed he was the reason Luke had died. He still believed he was a murderer.

This time, he wasn’t looking at Han Solo, his business associate. This time, he was looking at his dad.

And he was covered in blood and new scars and could barely stand on his own.

“Dad,” he whispered.

Rey ran ahead and Han opened his arms to her for a hug. Something tugged sharply in his chest as he watched. Yearning? Longing? He didn’t know. He heard Han say quietly to Rey, “You did it. By the stars, you did it. I can’t even begin to thank you.”

“Thanks for sending Chewie to get us,” she said to Han.

Ben skewered Rey with narrowed eyes. Clearly, this had all been part of some convoluted scheme that he had not been privy to.

“What did you do, Rey?” Ben asked again.

“Let’s get him to my office before everyone starts to wonder why there’s a bloody stranger on the tarmac,” Han said, laying a comforting hand on Ben’s shoulder.

“Son,” he quietly greeted Ben.

“Yes. I need to get him cleaned up. It’s been a wild day.” Rey was smiling up at him and Han.

Ben clenched his jaw. “Anytime you’re ready to clue me in to what’s happening, that’d be real nice.”

Rey flanked his other side and Han took the lead into the hangar and on through to an irritatingly cluttered office. Once he sat down, Rey started tugging on his suit jacket.

He shot her a look that would make a grown man piss himself, but she only grinned and muttered, “Help me out, tough guy.”

Chewie said he’d go get their luggage. Han brought over some wash rags and sanitizer. Rey undid the button at his collar and worked her way down his shirt. He locked a hard stare on her as she slipped his necktie from around his neck.

“Tell me what you did. Right. Now.”

Rey sighed and began scrubbing blood off his face, neck and chest. “We killed Kylo Ren.”

He leaned ever so slightly closer to her face, caught her busy hands in his own, and said in a low voice, “Come again?”

She shivered, much to his satisfaction. He watched her wide eyes track all over him, until she finally met his gaze.

She swallowed hard and said, “The _deathless death._ Hux and Phasma made sure you appeared dead before the right people so that you could be declared deceased and all your contracts or oaths, if you held any, would be null and void.”

She wrenched her wrists from his slackened grip. “And now you’re free to live your life as Ben Solo.”

He reared back, at a loss and unable to believe what she’d just told him.

On top of that, he couldn’t believe she’d put all her trust in Hux and Phasma. "They don't work for free," he muttered.

Rey shook her head. Her _inheritance._ "I gave them the gold coins you had in the closet of your room."

Ben ground his teeth. Another kriffing fortune.

“And how did you get me out of Coruscant and onto a plane without making someone suspicious?”

Chewie came back at that moment, rolling in the big gun case and dropping the rest of their bags.

Rey kept her eyes on her own fidgeting hands, still cleaning off the blood. “Well… we were able to fit you inside the gun case after we gutted it.”

Everything got quiet except for Rey’s scrubbing.

He could feel his eye ticking uncontrollably.

“You’re joking,” Ben finally said.

“‘Fraid not. I was there to help unfold you from the case,” Chewie supplied.

Han snorted.

“Whose plan was this?” Ben asked through a clenched jaw and grinding teeth.

“Um, mine, mostly,” Rey said. “Hux and Phasma helped me work out the details while you were asleep in the hotel, and they executed the official parts of the plan.”

Ben slid his fingers through his hair and tugged on the ends. The _deathless death._ Of all the things he’d ever done in his life… Of all the things that had ever been done _to_ him… he never foresaw something like this.

“So you drugged me, covered me in blood, delivered my death cert to the Order, and then stuffed me in a suitcase and smuggled me out of Coruscant.”

“Yes. As far as the Order is concerned you are no longer in service.” She shook a bloody rag between them. “The blood, at least, was fake. Synth-blood.”

He could have punched through a concrete wall in that moment. “Well, thank fuck for that!” he exploded. _Shit, shit, shit._ As much as he wanted to break something, he knew he needed to calm down. Fast.

He clamped his hands on his temples and breathed for a minute. 

Wide-eyed, Ben stared up at her. “I assumed the worst. Actually, you don’t want to know what I was thinking,” he growled.

Why was he so mad? Because they’d kept him in the dark.

He shook his head, met Rey’s guilty eyes again. “You couldn’t have told me what you were going to do?”

“I’m sorry.” At least she had the good sense to look _sorry._ “Would you have agreed to our plan?” she asked.

“Hell, no.”

She propped a fist onto a cocked hip. “Did you have a better idea?”

The murderous trio had faked Kylo Ren’s death.

He probably couldn’t have done it better.

_Karking kriffing shitting hell of hells._

He frowned and jerked the clean shirt out of Rey’s hands. She had to help him pull it on.

“I can’t believe you crammed me into a damn suitcase. Just be glad I was out cold and don’t remember a thing.”

“Or what?” Rey smiled down at him, adjusting the way the shirt pulled on his shoulders.

“Quit smiling,” he growled. She knew she had won this round.

She was in such a fine mood and Ben had to stop and consider that for a beat. She was so pleased with herself and happy. It radiated from her bright eyes, her dimpled smile. The love he saw on her face, directed solely at him, like he was all hers and she was only ever his.

She had been the one to solve one of his many problems.

She’d gotten him out of the Order.

Alive.

He would let her have this victory. His irritation and anger drained out of him like a bottle being turned over and spilled upon the ground.

“You’re something else,” he murmured. He sullenly basked in the glow of her new smile.

She shrugged, biting her lip against an even bigger smile.

He looked over at his old gun case and started laughing. “You’re such a little badass. I ought to marry you.”

Her breath hitched. “Is that a proposal?”

He stilled and stared up into her eyes for a long while, conveying so many things he had left unsaid. There was still much they needed work through, but of this, he was certain.

One day soon, Ben Solo would make Rey Patine his. _Kriffing tomorrow, if he can._

“Sweetheart, that’s not a proposal. It’s a done deal.” He narrowed his eyes at her. Wrapped a hand around the back of her neck and brought her face to his.

Rey blushed and her lips parted.

“I don’t think you know what you’ve gotten yourself into,” he whispered against her lips. He felt a tremor race through her. _Good._ “I’m going to enjoy every damn minute of exacting my revenge.”

Someone whistled low and Ben remembered that he and Rey were not alone. He slowly eased away from her, slowly let go of her.

“Uh, who is Rey?” Chewie asked, clearly uncomfortable with the current vibe in the room.

He would have liked more time alone with Rey to make her squirm. He was going to tie her up in as many knots as she’d tangled on him. But that would have to wait. Oh, and he _couldn’t kriffing wait._

Ben finally acknowledged the other two men. He stood unsteadily and faced Han Solo. Rey went to Chewie and began to tell him about her assumed identity and smooth over any unpleasantness.

Han nodded at him, frowning. “They sure did a number on you, son.”

Ben’s glance flitted over to Rey and back. “Do you know who she is?”

Han’s eyes went to Rey too, and his smile cut deep lines through his face. His eyebrows went high when his head swung back to face Ben with a subtle indulgent twist of his head.

“She’s the sole heir to the Palpatine heritage.” That made his father’s doting smile disappear.

His face went blank before he paled. “...What?” Han knew exactly who Ben was talking about.

“And she gave it all up for me.” Ben pointed at that infuriating little enchantress. He pointed aggressively again and dropped his head, his hand came down hard and slapped his thigh. “I don’t deserve any of it. Her, what she’s done for me, what you’ve done… even being here looking you in the eye. I don’t deserve it.” He couldn’t stop the trembling of his chin, his lips.

Han stepped forward and put his hands on Ben’s shoulders. He was having trouble containing his emotions as well.

“I don’t care what you think you deserve,” he said. “Your being here is what we’ve all been hoping for.”

“There are things I need to say to you. You may not feel the same way after.”

Han nodded. “We’ll work through it. I’m not giving up on you. Not after all this time.” He sighed and smiled. “This is a good day.”

“Are you sure Mom will think so?” Ben asked him.

Han blinked, grimaced. “I’m not even sure what to say to Leia… I’ve never told her about you.”

“I’ll tell her.”

All eyes turned to Rey.

\---

“Sula!” Leia’s cry wavered as Rey was grabbed up by the smaller woman in a tight hug. “I’ve been so worried. What happened to you? Where have you been? Tell me everything.”

Rey hugged her back just as ferociously. She’d grown to love Leia and Han. The return home to someone who cared for her warmed her through and through.

“Ms Leia. So much has happened. Do you have time to sit down with me for a while?”

Leia led her to the sun room that overlooked a portion of her vineyards. Rey loved this room, especially at sunrise.

“Remember when you said we would have that talk about boys at a different time?”

Leia eyebrows came together in confusion. “This is not the way I thought this conversation was going to go.”

Rey gave her a little smile. “It all has to do with a certain boy. He saved my life. Several times over, as it happened, before I came to live here with you. He helped me. Taught me to defend myself. And I think I fell in love with him soon after we met.”

Leia patted her on the knee. “What happened?”

“He sent me away to protect me. The danger he saved me from went a lot deeper than either of us were aware of. But I ended up getting kidnapped anyway. He came for me when I went missing. And he ended up killing the man who had me kidnapped.”

“Oh, my goodness. Sula, dear…”

“He was hurt, though. He’ll bear the scars of that ordeal, but he’s healing. He’s come back with me.”

“Well, I suppose I’ll have to meet him. Who is this person? What’s his name?”

“His name is Ben.”

Leia’s smile faltered. She blinked several times and looked away quickly.

“Ben?” The soft question was tempered with confusion, longing and hope.

Rey reached to place her hand on Leia’s. “It’s Ben. Your Ben.”

Leia’s breathing turned laborious as she looked back to Rey. Her eyes began to search around them, darting toward the door. Her hand went to her chest.

“This whole time? My Ben?” she whispered.

“Do you want to see him now?”

Leia shot to her feet and she went searching for him on her own. Her feet carried her swiftly to find her son. Rey followed until she saw Leia slow down in the kitchen.

Tall, rumpled, scarred, tears already falling, Ben waited there for his mother.

Leia’s breathing turned into a sob. She stepped closer to Ben and reached up to caress the uninjured side of his face. She pulled him down to her for a hard embrace. Han was there behind them.

She tried to imagine the changes between a twelve year old boy and a thirty two year old man. Did Leia see the face of her young son when she saw him just now?

Rey left the room so that they could have this private moment. Their reunion had been a long time coming, and she was happy to see the Solo family come together.

She was so happy that it hurt. Each _thunk thunk_ of her heart was a pain in her chest. There was no family of her own for her to go home to. No mother to smother her in hugs and kisses after so long being apart. She sniffed and shook her head, and decided not to have a pity party all by herself.

So she let them have their reunion together, alone. They needed that time to themselves to reconnect and to start to heal.

In her room, she occupied herself with flipping through her piloting textbook. It was difficult to focus on the neat script lining the pages. The adrenaline high from the day had drained her and she was left exhausted.

First, she had kept a major secret from Ben. Hux and Phasma had been indispensable to her and, thankfully, were on board with helping her and Ben. Both Hux and Phasma had become extremely wealthy in the deal she’d made with them.

Then the actual process to declare Kylo Ren deceased had been a nerve-wracking ordeal. It could have gone so wrong so easily. If it _had_ gone wrong, they would both be dead now. She shuddered through some deep breaths.

As it was, the Cleaners from Rafa’s Laundry granted them a death cert in return for enough gold coins to silence any question they may have had concerning a bloody man in a body bag who looked dead.

Honor was a major sticking point for any organization or operative within the Order, but gold covered a multitude of sins.

And Ben was now free of the Order. Free of a life of contract killing, of working for the crime families that kept the underworld churning.

She was happy he was free from it all. Hopefully Ben was happy about it too.

She rested her elbow on the desk and propped her head up. She just needed to close her eyes for a minute.

She remembered what Ben had said to her.

_I ought to marry you._

Her spine snapped upright to attention. _Oh, wow._ The look in his eyes after she’d teasingly asked if he was proposing hadn’t been the look of someone who was making a joke. He’d been dead serious.

All thoughts of dozing off at the desk fled her mind. She stood. Stared at the wall. Chewed her fingernails. Remembered the taste of Ben’s lips. Melted at the thought of his touch.

Then she worried. Ben had been steaming mad. The things he’d said afterward… What if he had been out of his mind on that sedative when he’d said those things? What if he didn’t remember it later? What if he never actually wanted to leave the Order? What if he hated what she’d done? What if… what if… _what if?_

And what was the revenge he was planning to exact? She was in trouble. She was in such deep trouble.

How could she be so stupid? She didn’t tell him about anything she’d planned with Hux and Phasma. She’d only been concerned about her own selfish wants, her own self-serving plans.

He probably hated her.

She looked around her room. Not her room. The clothes she owned, most of the things she had, were all given to her. That beautiful classic car that had been towed back to Han’s house had been given to her. Not hers. Not her house. Not her family.

Ben was home now. Their long-lost son had returned to them. They had been waiting so eagerly and with undying hope that he would return to them. She didn’t really belong here, did she?

She shouldn’t stay.

She was only staying at the Solo house because Han said he was doing it for Ben. Because she was in danger. Well, the danger had passed now. The reasons she had for staying were all passed now.

She should go.

 _I smell a coward,_ Hux's voice taunted in her head.

A commotion from another part of the house drew her attention.

Rose Tico was shouting her name. “Sula! Rey! Whoever you are! Where are you?”

Rey stuck her head out the bedroom door and saw Rose coming at her. Simultaneous smiles and tears contorted both their faces. Rose raced to grab Rey up in a fierce hug.

“Oh, my goodness! I’ve been so worried about you. Finn and I couldn’t find you when we left the gym that night. I was scared. Your car was there, but you weren’t. We thought something terrible had happened to you.” Rose finally pulled away.

“We didn’t even have a picture to give the Guard. And Chewie told me some weird story about how your name isn’t Sula. Are you undercover or something?”

Rey laughed. “No. I’m so sorry I scared you. That bad situation I was in caught up with me. But it turned out good. All for good.”

“I came right over after work. I had to make sure you were okay with my own eyes. You’re my best friend, you know?”

Rey blinked hard and hugged Rose again, too choked up to respond. She wasn’t alone. The momentary madness from before had lifted its fog of terror.

“I missed you too,” she told Rose in a small voice.

“So what was all the ruckus today? I heard the crew talking about someone strange walking through the hangar with you.”

Rey pulled back and shrugged uncomfortably. “Han’s son came home.”

“His son?” she asked. “I didn’t know Han had a son.”

“Yeah. He’s, uh,” Rey paused, unsure how to describe Ben to her astute friend. “I’m sure you’ll get to meet him soon.” Rey smoothed the hair back from her face that had fallen loose from her ponytail.

“I’m wondering if it would be better if I found somewhere else to stay for the time being.”

Rose shrugged. “My apartment is the size of a take-out box compared to this house. But you’re welcome if you want to come.”

Rose helped pack up her meager belongings and Rey turned out the lights. She left the keys to Ben’s classic car on the foyer table.

She could hear the Solos still talking in the kitchen. Her feet hesitated. She needed to tell them where she was going.

They would worry if she left without a word.

Ben caught sight of her through the archway between them. He stood from his chair in the kitchen and came to her.

Rose gasped audibly behind her.

Ben’s eyes had locked on to the bag in her hand.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

Rey swallowed. “I think it’s best if I go stay with Rose for a while.”

Ben’s head tilted and his narrowed eyes cut over to Rose.

She gestured to Rose. “This is my friend Rose Tico. Rose,” she turned. “This is Ben Solo.”

Rose gave him a sweet smile and a wave of her hand. “Nice to meet you.”

Ben only nodded to her and his dark eyes returned to Rey.

Han and Leia came out from the kitchen.

“What’s happening?”

“I want to thank you both for all that you’ve done for me. Now that Ben’s home, I shouldn’t stay on any longer.”

“You don’t have to leave. You’re always welcome here.”

“Thank you.” She smiled at Han and Leia. To Han she said, “I’ll be at the hangar tomorrow morning.”

She turned to leave and Rose slipped out the front door ahead of her. A hand on her arm stopped her. She could hear the rain that had started on the drive home coming down outside.

“Rey,” Ben whispered. She was slow to bring her eyes back to his. “Sweetheart. Don’t go.”

Her heart skipped a beat at his endearment. But she shook her head. “There’s no reason for me to stay here anymore.”

“That’s stupid. I’m here. You’ve got a reason.”

She huffed. “Yes. But you need time with your parents.” She laid a hand on his chest. “Be here with them.”

Ben’s lips smashed closed and went slightly to the side. “I don’t like this. I thought we were in this together.”

“We are.”

“But you’re leaving. When am I supposed to see you again?”

“Anytime. Call me later, if you like.”

He let out a frustrated huff. He kissed her on the forehead and stepped back. But he didn’t look like he was happy about it.

Blushing, Rey hastily said “Good night,” to them all and splashed through the rain to Rose’s little red coupe.

Rose started in on her immediately. “Okay, _that_ was Mr Tall, Dark and Mysterious. Ding, ding! Mystery solved!” She was laughing. “No wonder you never gave anyone else a second look.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh, my goodness. Did you even notice the way he was looking at you? If you’d been a chocolate-covered camby berry, the chocolate would have been puddling on the floor at his feet.”

“But that’s the way he’s always looked at me.” Rey’s whole body warmed up at just the thought of Ben’s heated gaze. Was that look for her alone? 

“I’m turning this car around,” Rose said.

“Why?”

“Tall, Dark, Mysterious looks at you like that all the time? Why are you even trying to leave with me?” Rose slowed the car and acted like she was going to make a U-turn.

“No! Don’t turn around. It’s complicated right now. I just need some time, okay? I love him, all right? But I just need a little time. He needs a little time. _We all need a little time.”_

Rose huffed. “All right, all right.” She was quiet for a little while. “But you can only stay three days at my house. That’s all I’ll allow,” she said with fake haughtiness.

Rey snorted and shook her head. “How generous of you, my one best friend.”

“What are friends for if they can’t kick you out of their house and into the passionate embrace of a lover?”

Rey laughed with a sputtering crack. “You’re too much, Ro. Okay, okay. I got it.”

Headlights came up quickly behind them. Right on Rose’s bumper.

“What the hell is this maniac doing?” Rose griped.

The car passed them, throwing up billowing clouds of water as it went. They both could hear the throaty roar of the other car’s engine as it sped past. Rey’s heart pounded.

“Oh, no. Rose! Slow down!”

Their headlights flashed across a gorgeous classic sports car as it spun to the side in the middle of the road ahead of them, in the midst of the pouring rain, tires squalling, and roadblocked them. Rey was screaming for Rose to stop. Rose was screaming at the dumbass driver.

They skidded to a stop about thirty feet away from the sports car. The windshield wipers matched the rapid beating of her heart.

They both panted. Rey whimpered when the driver stepped out of the car. Rain drenched him, ran down his face and hair as he stalked toward her in the bright beams of the headlights. And those black eyes… 

Her Angel of Death had come for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Lover. Fighter. by SVRCINA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLqW3S2v30U)


	25. Chapter 25

No. 

Hell, no.

He wasn’t going to let her walk away from him that easily. He’d had enough of this walking out on him shit. She did it first at the med center when he couldn’t follow her. And now, after she’d pulled off his spectacular departure from the Order, she was walking away from him again?

His eyes lit on the keys laying in a dish on a little table near the door.

He snatched them up in his hand.

He was about to step out into the rain when Han shuffled up behind him. “Tico drives a little red coupe. They’ll have gone to the right at the end of the drive.”

Ben nodded and left.

If his little hell cat wanted a chase, she was going to get one.

He wrenched the car into gear after it grumbled to life and sloshed down the road at stupid speeds. He wasn’t thinking about much more than getting his girl. Pain and good sense took a backseat in this adventure.

It didn’t take long to find them on the dark road. The rain picked up intensity, along with his speed. He blew past the coupe to get ahead and cut them off. He slung the wheel round and let the muscle car drift sideways into a rubber-burning stop across both lanes of the slick road.

He revved the engine, watching the coupe’s headlights swerve from right to left before it stopped several yards away.

Stepping out, he was instantly drenched by the cold rain. That new discomfort didn’t even register. He locked his course to the little car and stalked toward it.

Ripping open the passenger door, he said, “Get out.”

She was scared. _Good._ Let her sweat.

He took her bag from her lap and grabbed her hand. Started walking back to his car, dragging her along.

Until she jerked her slippery hand from his.

He spun to face her.

“You want to do this here? In the rain? In the middle of the road?” He bent down, got right in her face.

She reared her head back, lower lip trembling. “Ben?”

“Why are you running away?”

“I… I’m afraid you hate me… because of the things I’ve done.”

“Yeah, you’ve connived and plotted to get what you want. You’ve stripped me bare and laid waste to everything I am. What about what I want? Have you thought about that?”

She sobbed once. The rain mingled with her tears. Her red-rimmed eyes blinked up at him. He knocked her chin skyward again when she tried to look away from him.

“Huh?” he prodded again. “Have you thought about what I want?”

“What do you want?” she asked pitifully.

“You, damn it! _You._ I love you. Don’t run from me, Rey. Don’t take off without me. It’s you I want.”

He wiped some of the rain from his eyes. Clasped Rey’s upper arm and began to draw her toward him. “I love all of you, even the parts of you that I don’t know yet.”

“Ben,” she whimpered, grabbing sopping wet his shirt.

“I don’t know what the hell I’m doing or what I’m going to do with you. But I’m _with_ you,” he said. “Are you _with_ me?”

She wrapped her arms around his neck and smashed her body into his. Her cold face nuzzled his jaw until their mouths finally met. Like a crackling fire, they both lit up in the rain. Ben groaned and demanded more of her. Tasted deeper. Slid his tongue over hers, sucked on it, hard. She moaned and tightened her arms around him. He palmed her little ass with both his hands, juggling her and her bag. He lifted her, squeezed her. Drank deep. Her legs wrapped around his waist.

A horn honked. He heard yelling. “Yes! Get up on that. Climb him like a tree, grease monkey!”

Ben pulled back, sucking on her lower lip. “Let’s get out of the rain.”

She nodded and he carried her to the car. Kissed her nose before he set her down.

He strapped her into the passenger seat, giving the seatbelt an unnecessary jerk to tighten it down on her. She squeaked and he glared. Her hair and her clothes were soaked and clinging to every little curve she possessed.

Slamming the door, he stepped back and took some deep breaths, blowing the dripping rain from his mouth. He was wound up so tight he didn’t know how he was going to unravel himself.

Not knowing where the hell else he was going to go, he had no wallet, no cash, no coin, he drove back to his father’s house.

What did he want? Here was his shot at a brand new life, and it could all go to shit in the blink of an eye if he wasn’t careful. Yeah, he was angry, but he wasn’t that same angry kid he used to be. His little hell cat had changed him in ways that he still had trouble fathoming. And he did want her. He burned for her. He wanted to make something good with her. Wanted to be good with her and for her. To cherish her and hold her. Make her beg for mercy and finally give her everything she needed. Everything she wanted.

When he turned off the car, he sat still. “Go on in. Get cleaned up,” he said.

She hesitated beside him. Slowly released the seatbelt and got out.

He was drained. He leaned over the steering wheel and hung his head. Everything was soaked. Everything throbbed. He needed a few minutes of peace.

Rey opened his door and held out her hand to him. “We’re going to start this day over, Ben Solo.”

He glared at her hand, but slowly deflated. Blinked hard. Then stepped out into the rain once again, and she took his hand and led him into the house. Down the hall to a bathing room. She closed and locked the door after she pulled him inside.

She dropped her bag and went to the floor in front of him. Took off his ruined shoes and socks. He propped himself against the vanity.

“As soon as we completed the abdication, I had to act fast,” she began. “There was no one else to help me besides Hux and Phasma and I paid them well for their services. Hux got what he wanted. I got what I wanted. When you and I talked at the hotel, I thought this was what you wanted too. To be out.”

Next, she unbuckled his belt. Undid his pants. Tugged the wet, clingy material downward. He stepped out of them and she tossed them onto a growing pile.

“I didn’t tell you about the plan because there were too many people involved already. Hux and Phasma had a decent enough reputation that they could claim they took you down as a team successfully. According to them, no one is better than you. No one is as deadly as you. And no one would have stood a chance against you. Especially alone.”

She took the hem of his shirt and rolled it upward over his stomach, his chest, easing his arms out of the sleeves so she could take it off over his head painlessly. On the pile it went.

“Hux had to report quickly for his new duties as the Palpatine. Phasma is his new head of security. I did the best I could with the tools I had. He insisted that it would be safer for me if I left Coruscant as soon as the papers were signed. They also told me that no one who serves the Order leaves it _alive._ I didn’t want to leave you behind, and I didn’t want to risk your life. You mean too much to me. I lost _everyone_ before I came here. I wasn’t going to lose you too. I don’t want to lose you. Please forgive me.”

She cupped his cheek, caressed his neck. He closed his eyes, enjoying her touch. He whispered her name.

“I decided to leave the house earlier because I thought it would be good if you had some time alone with Han and Leia. You don’t understand how much I wish I had parents of my own waiting for me to come home.” She smiled sadly. “But I was also having a panic about you. You were so mad when you found out what we did. I was sure you were going to hate me. I got scared. I’m sorry.”

“Sweetheart,” he breathed.

He pulled her against his chest and put a soft kiss at the corner of her eye. Did the same for the other side of her cold face.

Gathering her sopping shirt in his hands, he raked it over her head. Popped the button on her jeans. Slid his hands down her backside in between the soaked denim and her cold underwear. She whimpered when he filled his hands full of her. All the blood was leaving his brain and all his brain cells were heading south with it.

Rey kicked off her shoes and shimmied the jeans down. He continued to knead her backside, making the decision to take a bite out of it as soon as he got the chance. It would probably taste sweet like her lips. He couldn’t wait to taste the rest of her.

He walked her backward to the shower and cranked the hot water. He kissed her while the water got to temp. Traced the straps of her little bra with his fingertips. Learned what the shape of her back felt like in his hands.

He put her under the steaming spray and stepped in with her. Couldn’t help but kiss her more under the hot water, cradling her neck and jaw. Damn, he liked kissing.

Liked her hands on him. In his hair. Dragging down his chest. His gut clenched when they trailed over his sensitive sides.

He turned her around. Let her lay back against him while he worked his fingers through her long hair. He found the scar on her left shoulder; the bullet wound she got the day they met. He kissed the puckered mark.

Then he let his hands go lower. He barely grazed her sweet little breasts. Swept his thumbs down her belly. Stopped before he got to her underwear, and only teased across the hem below her bellybutton.

He didn’t know how far he should go. Didn’t want to scare her. Didn’t want to do something she didn’t want or didn’t like. He wrapped his arms around her and tried not to let his erection prod her too hard.

He held her tight and let the hot shower wash over them. He calmed. Found his center. Remembered the rules.

Ben Solo had a secret.

He didn’t know if it was too embarrassing or too glorious to say it out loud. No one needed to be party to his secret, except Rey.

His secret was embarrassing because he was almost thirty-three years old. Glorious, because he’d remained honorable. He’d stayed focused. He’d kept the rules sacred.

Committed relationships were an impossibility for a true servant of the Order. Spouses and families only provided distraction for operatives. Loved ones were an opportunity for an enemy to exploit.

He’d never loved a girl. Never been with a woman. Had never wanted to. Until Rey. Until now.

He kissed down the side of her neck and back up to bite on her earlobe. Used his tongue to trace the slope to her shoulder. She pushed back against him and rolled her head on his chest to give better access. He could feel her breaths coming faster.

“What are you doing to me?” she moaned.

He chuckled. “What do you think you’re doing to me?” he countered, gently rocking his hips against her. Letting her feel how hard he was for her.

She reached back and palmed his legs with her hot hands. Stroked up and down. Her fingers tangled in the boxer-briefs on his upper thighs. Kept winding her hands around until the wet material began to slide down and off. His breath caught. Felt her warm skin on the head of his arousal. He wanted more. Wanted to go farther. He wanted it really bad.

But he clasped her arms in his hands and gently pulled them away. He scraped his teeth over the flesh of her shoulder and brought his mouth back to her ear. 

“I’m not going to take anything from you tonight.” He shut off the water, kissed her shoulder again, and stepped out to grab them some towels. He shoved his cock back inside his shorts.

“Why don’t you want to take?” she asked, a slightly dazed look in her eyes.

“Because we’re going to be married first.”

She took a towel from him and asked why.

“What’s the highest honor I could give a woman but to make her my wife? I want to do what’s honorable. I’m going to honor you in that way.”

She wrapped the towel around herself, a bewildered expression on her face. “I think that’s the most noble thing I’ve ever heard.”

He nodded and turned to the vanity, twisting to get a look at the bandages on his back. He’d healed enough that it was almost time for the stitches to come out. There were hundreds criss-crossing from his upper shoulders to right above the band of his underwear.

“What if I don’t want you to be noble?” she asked, watching him.

He throbbed, heavy, hot, tempted. She was wrapped up tight in a towel and Ben would have liked nothing more than delight his eyes and to uncover every inch of her. 

He stared back at her through the reflection in the mirror. Let his focus return. Stood his ground. Rested his hands on the counter.

“Do you want to take my honor from me, too?” he asked quietly.

\---

Sucking in a pained breath, Rey had to look down on the floor to make sure her insides weren’t splattered about at her feet.

Even during her lowest times back in Niima, she’d never experienced anything as humbling as Ben’s words. She was a fumbling, naïve cad, and she was afraid she’d just insulted the best man she’d ever met in her entire life.

She finally understood why Kylo Ren garnered all the respect the underworld paid him.

Yes, he was deadly. Could probably kill someone with nothing but a piece of paper. But the high tower of his unflinching, unwavering honor couldn’t be breached.

She finally understood something important after he’d asked his softly voiced question.

She had taken much from him in many days. In her quest to gain control over her own life and happiness, she’d placed Ben’s control on the sacrificial altar to her own selfish desires.

He’d taught her once to find the weakness in her opponent. Ben wasn’t an opponent. But she’d only just figured out that _she_ was _his_ weakness.

Rey had the power to topple that lofty tower of his highly regarded honor. But she’d be damned if she was going to be the one to do so.

Her heart swelled so rapidly, overflowing with love and pride and other things she didn’t know how to put into words. She shivered remembering all he made her feel. How he’d chased after her. How he wanted her. _Her._ She fell even deeper for Ben Solo. She vowed to protect all that he held in esteem, and if that meant keeping her hands to herself, then, so be it.

After a long silence, he asked, “Would you be up to the task of removing all these sutures?”

She raised her watery eyes and nodded. “I would do anything for you, tough guy,” she said through trembling lips. She’d been thoroughly chastened, and she was in a better place because of it.

He reached for her hand. She didn’t hesitate to latch on for dear life and squeeze. She carefully put her arms around his waist and hugged him. She could wait for him. She could be the best at waiting.

“Forgive me,” she breathed into his skin. “I didn’t really understand before.”

He only smiled and kissed her forehead.

Rey pulled off the old bandages and wiped his injuries with disinfectant. She picked up the medpac from beneath the vanity and slapped his ass. He grunted and cut her with a disbelieving look.

She took off down the hall to her bedroom on swift bare feet.

She heard him call her a “hell cat” from inside the bathing room. He stalked after her a few minutes later, finding her digging a long shirt from his luggage.

“Go ahead and lay down,” she told him. “I need to change out of these wet things.”

He unzipped the medpac at the foot of her bed, took out a pair of tiny scissors. He now only had a towel wrapped around his hips.

She pulled his shirt over her head for cover, then removed her bra and panties from underneath. They had not really bathed in the shower, only warmed themselves up. And touched. And Rey really liked his touch. She shook her head and focused.

“Okay. Let’s do it.”

He had been watching her dress in his shirt. She remembered that he liked it. She had a little smile on her face while he laid face down on the edge of the bed. She pulled a stool close and sat with the tiny scissors in her hand.

“Why don’t you want to go to a med center to have these removed?”

His face was turned towards her and he frowned. She moved the damp hair out of his eyes so she could see him better.

“I don’t really like it when people touch me. But I’m okay with you touching me.”

Rey blushed and smiled at that and eyed the hundreds of stitches across his back. This was going to take a while. But she didn’t mind doing this for him. She found a garbage tin and sat it next to her.

“I suppose that’s why you nearly took off the nurse’s head back at the med center in Coruscant?” she asked him.

He groaned in embarrassment. “That was a pretty low point. But not my lowest that day. I lashed out at you and I wish I hadn’t. I’m sorry I did it.”

Rey placed a kiss on a part of his shoulder that hadn’t been injured. “It’s forgiven.”

His sigh was long and tension seemed to uncoil from his muscles. He patiently waited while she carefully snipped at the tiny sutures that had stitched his hide back together.

Ben frowned and turned his head away. “I feel like I need to tell you something,” he said, breaking up the quiet.

“Do I need to put the scissors down?” she asked.

“No, just keep doing what you’re doing.” He took a deep breath. “You’re the only girl I’ve kissed.”

Rey stopped snipping. “The first time we kissed was at the med center, and you were tripping on pain meds.”

His deep chuckle was so cute. “I hope I didn’t embarrass myself. I sort of remember it.”

“It was my first kiss,” she admitted.

Ben slowly angled his head toward her again. “I just wanted you to know that I’ve never been… intimate with anyone.”

“You’ve waited a long time,” she murmured.

“I’m glad I waited for you.”

 _This man._ “Let me finish these stitches before you make me cry, or something.” She cleared her throat and got back to business. “Do you mind telling me why you’ve never… ?”

“Attachments could be deadly for a lot of reasons. I never wanted to put a woman at risk like that. I have only met one woman I risked everything for. Broke the rules for. Suffered the consequences for. Survived for.”

Rey sniffled back fresh tears. Wiped her eyes clear.

“I’m glad you’ll be my first,” she said. “My only,” she breathed.

He slid his arm off the edge of the bed so he could hold onto her lower leg. He left it there, connecting them, warm, comforting.

After a while she asked, “How do you think your reunion with your parents went?”

He sighed. “It was tough. Mom wouldn’t listen to anything I wanted to tell her. And both of them were trying to apologize to me. _To me._ I don’t know. Our relationship can’t be mended instantly. It’s just something that I’ll have to work on every day for the rest of our lives.”

He squeezed her calf muscles. “I’ve thought about what you said. How you wish you had parents to come home to. I’m going to do my best with them, Rey.”

“That’s really good,” she said, trying to keep her emotions together while she was hovered over him with a sharp instrument. He continued to stroke her leg and she got to work. It took a long time, but after she had all the stitches cleared, she wiped his back down with more wound cleaner and ran her hand gently over his damaged skin to make sure she hadn’t missed any.

Ben’s muscles tensed beneath her hands. “Is it done?” he asked.

“I think so. Just double checking that I got all of them.”

“Do, uh, the scars bother you?”

She frowned down at him. “Are you seriously asking me that? Heck, no. These are my scars.”

“What do you mean?” he asked, rolling away from her to his side so he could look at her fully.

“You wouldn’t have these scars if it weren’t for me.”

He sat up and reached for her. She touched his jaw, his lips, ran her fingers over his eyebrows, then traced to the side of the angry red scar on his face. She kissed along the edges of it. Kissed both his eyelids.

“What did they do to you?” she asked softly.

Ben’s expression tightened into something contemplative, eyes far off in secret thought. “Snoke was testing out some new toy. A new type of weapon. It was like a whip that had electric current pulsing through it. Burned like fire. Cut deep. And that wasn’t even its most destructive setting. I think Snoke meant to experiment further on me since I’d survived the first round.”

Rey shook her head, remembering him heaped on the floor, bloody and dying. “How did you get caught?”

“I went to get you back. I knew Snoke was looking for you. I’d hoped you were safely hidden in Alderaan with dad. He called me after you went missing. So I marched up to Snoke’s doorstep, killing anyone who got in my way. Found Snoke before I found you. Couldn’t kill the bastard until I had you, knew you were safe. I got sloppy. Then…” He paused and smiled at her.

“You’re the one who found me.”

She sniffled back tears. “Well, I’d planned all along to get kidnapped just so I could rescue you.”

“My hero,” he huffed.

“I’m so glad we made it out alive. And we’re here. Together.” She drew her index finger down the center of his big nose. “We have so much to look forward to.”

“I have no idea what to do with myself,” he warned her. “I’ll never be able to have a public career on the off chance someone in the Order recognizes me. I’ll have to keep to the shadows from now on. But that’s not unlike the life I led in the Order.”

“I’ve not thought that far ahead,” she admitted. “I can make money to support us. I’ve got a good job working for Han. Maybe I can pick up some side jobs if I need to.”

Ben snorted. “Rey, haven’t you checked your bank account lately?”

She frowned at him. “No, not lately…”

He smirked. “There’s enough in there for the both of us to live comfortably.”

“How do you figure that?”

“One of the things I worked on while we were apart was selling off my assets and property. I dumped all the funds into your Ursula Kuat account. Just in case I didn’t…”

“You weren’t planning to make it out of the Order alive,” she finished quietly.

“It was a very real possibility with what I had planned to do.”

“Ben,” she murmured and sighed. “How much did you put in the account?”

He shrugged. “Thirty-something.”

“Thirty-something,” she repeated.

“Million.”

She blinked. And blinked.

He raised his eyebrows.

“Thirty million,” she rasped. “That’s… everything you have?” she asked, eyes wide, voice strained.

He frowned. “Give or take. Why? Do you want more?”

She laughed. “Ben! No! I’m just… That’s your… life’s work,” she trailed off.

“That’s not my life anymore. You’re my life now.”

He pulled her into a hug. “There are so many little things I don’t know about you yet. Your likes and dislikes. Favorite color. Favorite food. Favorite _anything._ ”

“I’ve never had much. I don’t need much. I hope you’ll find out that I’m easy to please,” she said.

He leaned back and kissed that soft spot between the corner of her eye and temple. “Are you still afraid of sleeping with me?” He continued kissing down the side of her jaw to her neck.

“Just sleeping?”

He chuckled. “Just sleeping.”

“Why do you ask?” she said, trying to keep focus because his mouth was very distracting.

“I want to be near you, and the thought of sleeping somewhere else when you’re right here doesn’t appeal to me.” His tongue delved out to a spot along the cords of her throat.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“No.”

“At least you’re honest,” she laughed.

He hummed into her the base of her throat.

“And the most honorable man I know.”

He looked up at her then with that dark stare that Rose said could melt chocolate off berries. It definitely melted her.

“And the most tempted,” he murmured, calming all her fears of inadequacy.

“For the sake of your virtue, you’d better find your own bed, tonight, Solo.”

\---

Rey was so distracted at work. Her crewmates were all asking after her, about what had happened and where she’d been for almost two weeks.

News of Ben Solo spread through the hangar fairly rapidly. They all wanted to know who he was and what he was about. All were surprised to hear that Han Solo had a son.

Due to the unexpected excitement of the past days, Han grounded a few of his regular flyers and mandated a thorough maintenance check on all systems. That meant all hands, all eyes, on every nut, bolt and grease fitting, and every wired connection. No detail was allowed to go unnoticed.

Rose had been catching her mistakes the whole day.

“Maybe you should have taken some time off, Su,” Rose said. “You went through some pretty heavy stuff.”

The last half year of her life had been heavy stuff. She breathed deep and decided to only focus on the task at hand.

“And what,” Rose paused for effect, “happened after that high speed chase last night? I want the dirty details. Don’t you dare hold out on me.”

Rey started to open her mouth but Poe Dameron was there listening intently.

She was particularly surprised and bewildered that Poe Dameron stuck close to her side throughout the morning. Never even used his _grease monkey_ pet name for her. He handed her tools. Put tick marks on her checklists. She shot a look over to Rose and lifted a hand conveying without words: _what the heck is happening here?_

Rose, being the gentle and loyal friend that she was, threw back her head and cackled like she’d lost her mind, and went about her business.

At their lunch break, she was able to tell Rose some edited details of what happened after Ben took her home in the rain.

“We had a really good talk.”

Rose wrinkled her nose in disappointment. “No kissing? No touching?”

Rey stuffed her mouth with a huge bite of apple, breathed through her nose, and let her eyes grow huge. She nodded slowly and hummed as she chewed.

The drawn-out squeak that left Rose’s mouth made Rey laugh. “And then?”

“No _and then._ We are going to wait.”

“Wait for what?” Poe asked as he sat down beside her.

A bit of apple went down the wrong way and Rey started to choke. Poe smacked her gently on the back. Rose started sniggering and spewed soda from her nose. Rey still couldn’t cough up the chunk of apple, so Poe put his arms around her and tried to force it out with a quick thrust of his clasped fists to her gut. The half-chewed fruit went flying across Han’s shiny concrete floor.

When Rey could finally breathe freely and didn’t feel so red in the face, she wiped her mouth and cut Rose with a dirty look. Her best friend was still laughing.

“Good thing I came along,” Poe said. “You could have died. I saved your life.”

Rey hated to say that she wouldn’t have choked had he not surprised her at such a critical moment in her private conversation with Rose.

“I didn’t survive the shit I’ve survived to die like this. It’s going to take a lot more than a damn piece of fruit to kill me,” she snapped.

Poe gave her a wide-eyed side glance.

“That’s right. You tell that apple bitch who’s boss,” Rose piped.

The day went better after that. Rey was able to complete her tasks without messing anything else up.

She and Rose left the hangar that evening after clocking out and found her classic red sports car in the parking lot. Ben Solo was propped against it.

“Feast your eyes,” Rose exclaimed. “Ugh, that’s too pretty.”

“Don’t go looking at my boyfriend, Ro. You’ve already got one.”

“I’m dating, not dead,” she retorted.

Rey was dirty from the day’s work, orange coveralls smeared with grease, and she smelled like engine oil. She self-consciously swept loosened strands of hair off her face and found Ben already in front of her, taking her bag, giving her that chocolate-melting gaze.

Someone hollered Rey’s fake name from the hangar. She turned and saw them waving her back inside. “Let me go see what they need.”

“Okay. Do you need help?”

“No, I got it,” she said and scuttled back inside.

It was Poe. He had a flower in his hand. Held it out to her.

She scrunched up her face at him. “That’s pretty,” she said, then turned. “Gotta go. See you later.”

“Wait, Sula. I wanted to ask you something,” he said.

Rey sighed and dreaded whatever he was about to say.

“I wanted to see if you’d like to go out sometime.”

 _Crap._ Rey put her hands on her hips and looked out over the parking lot from the opening of the hangar.

“I want to show you something,” she told him.

Poe came to stand beside her and she pointed toward the sports car. “Do you see that man talking to Rose?”

“Uh, the boss’s secret son?”

“Yep.”

“What about him?”

“No one else in the universe exists for me but that man. So, no. I won’t be going out with you. I hope you can understand.”

She stomped back outside and found Ben and Rose still talking quietly together in somber tones.

She frowned at the two of them. “Everything all right?”

Ben nodded at Rose.

With a sudden cheerful smile, Rose said, “Everything’s peachy.” She pulled Rey in for a hug. “Go show daddy a good time,” she whispered loudly.

Rey wheezed. “I’m going to _accidentally_ elbow you in the boob next time we’re in class.”

They parted laughing at each other.

Rey went for Ben next. Gave him a hug and a kiss. Dirty coveralls and all.

“What were you and Rose talking about so seriously when I came out of the hangar?”

“She threatened to put a stun gun up my ass if I ever hurt you.”

Rey cackled. “She could do it. We’ve been training together at the gym.”

“You’ve made friends here,” he murmured, frowning as he looked over her shoulder. “That’s something I didn’t take into consideration.”

“You will too, if you want,” she assured him, and turned to see what he was staring at.

Poe, by the huge bay door, with a droopy flower dangling from his hand while he watched her and Ben.

“Are you ready?” he asked her.

“For you? Anytime,” she grinned.

Ben held the passenger door open for her. She smiled at him as she got in.

She thought he would take her back to Han’s house but he drove past it to a hill overlooking the valley where Leia’s vineyard grew. The sun was setting and the view of blue and pink sky meeting green rolling hills was laid out before her. She sat on the damp grass to take it all in.

Ben came to her and sat beside her. He eased his arm beneath hers, his hand trailing under her forearm to eventually connect with her hand. He threaded his large fingers through hers.

The beauty of the surrounding landscape shrank down to the point of where they were connected. Warm hand in warm hand. Pulses synchronizing. The promise of more to come tingling across her skin.

“It’s beautiful here,” she said while looking down at their clasped hands.

“If you like it, this is where I’ll build our house.”

Her eyes found his, dark and soft and full of love. “I like it,” she whispered and squeezed his hand.

“Marry me?” He opened his other palm to reveal a ring.

“Ben,” she breathed, overcome with love for the man who’d saved her life and now held her heart. “You know I will.”

He smiled, leaned down and kissed her forehead, kissed her nose, then finally her lips. She cracked her eyes open so she could see him gazing down on her. The wonder in his eyes stole her breath away. He kissed her again and again, sweet and gentle and worshipful.

He finally pulled away just enough to bring her hand between them. He tried to slide on the ring that sparkled up at her like starlight.

It wouldn’t go past her last knuckle.

“Oh, no,” she lamented.

“Damn,” he muttered.

Rey reached into her pocket and pulled out a cord she’d taken off a part tag earlier in the day. She slipped the ring on the cord and tied it to make a necklace. When she put it over her head, the ring fell between her breasts.

“I love it,” she said, looking back to Ben with a smile.

“It was my grandmother’s. Evidently, she had tiny hands.”

“This ring is part of your family history.”

Ben nodded.

“I love it even more,” she told him. “I’d probably wear it like this most of the time because I’m afraid I’ll lose it or ruin it if I wore it to the hangar.”

She kissed his lips again. “Do you want a ring, too?”

“Ring, necklace, bracelet, crown, it doesn’t matter to me. As long as you give me something that tells the world I belong to you.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck and he pulled her into his lap. 

“I love you,” she whispered against his lips. She felt him smile in response. Their kisses turned to deeper tastings. Both of them were breathless by the time they came up for air. 

“We’re going to be all right, aren’t we?” he murmured against her lips.

She nodded and held him tight. “We’ll find our way. Together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Many Are the Stars I See, But in My Eye No Star Like Thee by Ursine Vulpine & Annaca](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFCJp37-GBE&list=PLgrxjsa89q-I-01tdKvGzSr5V9hxDJxaG&index=34) \- Just listen to this song on repeat.
> 
> [Completed soundtrack for Marked](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W002AULIYvs&list=PLgrxjsa89q-I-01tdKvGzSr5V9hxDJxaG)
> 
> Guys - this is the end of Marked. But, hold on. There will be a sequel. I'm going to take a few months to put it all down in writing. That's how I wrote Marked, just started writing a story back in July and here it is for you to enjoy. 
> 
> Thank you - everyone who has read and commented. You've made this experience FUN.
> 
> Also - I'm giving you fair warning. The Sequel to Marked is going to be dark. It will be E rated. It's going to be a big deviation from my happy vanilla world. I don't encourage you to read it. You shouldn't. Don't do it.


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